'Rama Trilogy Part 1: Blast to the Past
By: Officer 1BDI
I wrote this script long before Luck of the Fryish and that whole fiasco with his older brother, "Yancy". This, coincidentally, is also about his family. My version, anyway. On a side note, these fics are also at www.fanfiction.net, along with Kryten's, Allen's, BumbleBee Theta's, Nurdbot's, etc; so by all means, check out that site and submit your own work.
BTTP- Part 1
OPENING SEQUENCE
CAPTION: Coming now to a TV in front of you.
TV SCREEN: Scene from South Park
ACT 1
TEXT: February 12th, 3003
FADE IN:
INT PLANET EXPRESS BUILDING-- PE CONFERENCE ROOM-- AFTERNOON
Here we find the PE crew, lounging around the table, doing whatever. FRY is leaning back in his chair, observing his co-workers. LEELA and HERMES are sitting across from him, currently obsessed with a stack of papers in front of them. BENDER is in two places at once. His body is propped up in his own chair, with his chest cavity door wide open. Inside the cavity is a small TV set. Bender's head is on the table, watching the TV, occasionally shouting out obscenities at the screen...
BENDER: No! Take the ball to the _other_ side of the court! C'mon, Jenkins, I've got two grand on this game!
Meanwhile, the so-called "Doctor" ZOIDBERG is chowing down on some weird green slimy stuff that looks like some freakish mixture between a cheese pizza and seaweed. From the ship's engine, the Cantonese cussing of AMY can be heard. CUBERT and SCRUFFY are nowhere to be seen; Cubert's taking a class at Mar's University, while our janitor Scruffy... well, here's a little story for you; Scruffy had quit back in late 3002, after he used the professor's What-If machine to discover that he'd become rich if he manufactured Robot Oil instead. They'd never heard from him again, but a month after he quit, there was a news report on a group of hay-wire robots raiding the newest Oil Mine. The owner was nowhere to be found.
As for the professor; FARNSWORTH is at the head of the table, tinkering away at what looked like a bicycle helmet with Christmas lights. No one seems to be paying attention to him, and he doesn't seem to care.
BENDER: Oh gawd! You LOST! You bastards, you lost me two grand! I... oh, forget it.
Bender snarls as he reaches in to turn off his TV. His head turns to stare at the professor and his invention.
BENDER: Oh God, what is _that_ supposed to be?
FARNSWORTH: (looks up an smiles) Why, I'm glad you asked, my friend. Attention everyone! (Everyone looks at him. Amy comes down from the ship.) I'd like to introduce you all to my latest and greatest invention; the Mind Reader!
He looks around the room cautiously, then leans over towards Leela, whispering what everyone else can hear anyway.
FARNSWORTH: It can read minds, you know.
AMY: Well guh!
FRY: (looks the machine over cautiously) How does it work?
He immediately regrets asking.
FARNSWORTH: Well, it's a very complicated system of wiring and computer sources that send out a radar to the corneas in your eye, transmitting a....
CUT TO- PE CONFERENCE ROOM- LATER
It's at least a few hours later. Fry looks around lazily and noticed that half the crew has fallen asleep. The professor is still going on strong.
FARNSWORTH: (CONT.) ...thus by connecting to the nervous system, will enhance the signal and shoot back into the Reader itself...
SFX: VIDEO PHONE RING
Everyone but Farnsworth jumps out of there seats.
EVERYONE: I'll get it!
CUT TO- PE KITCHEN
They all race into the kitchen, but Hermes gets to the phone first. Without bothering to turn on the screen, he picks up the receiver.
HERMES: (gasping) He..hello? (PAUSE, turns to crew looking disappointed) It's for you, Leela.
The rest of the crew groans and reluctantly drag themselves out of the room. Leela takes the phone from Hermes and waits until they've all left before turning the screen on and speaking.
LEELA: Hello?
TERRY: Leela, we need you to come down to the labs today, pronto!
LEELA: (scowling) Oh no, Terry! You're not getting me back there again, not after what I went through!
TERRY: But this is an emergency! (Horrified) There is a _child_ loose in the facility!
LEELA: You call _that_ an emergency?
TERRY: You don't understand. He's been hiding from us all day; we haven't been able to assign him his chip. He refuses to come out unless we help him find "his mommy".
LEELA: (snaps) So, then get him his mom. Or his dad.
TERRY: You don't understand. We found him in the Cryogenics Room last night.
Leela ponders this for a second.
TERRY: (CONT.) Please Leela! You're the only one who was ever good with kids! We already tested him. Then he got away from us and... well... we need you to...
LEELA: *Sigh* Fine, I'll come down today. But it's just for the kid, nothing else.
Leela hangs up the phone and heads for the conference room.
CUT TO- PE CONFERENCE ROOM
There, the Professor is still dragging on. Leela (gladly) interrupts him.
LEELA: Professor, I have an emergency crisis that I need to attend to.
FARNSWORTH: Wha... oh, yes, go on if you must. But you'll be missing out on my lecture.
FRY: (gapping) There's _another_ lecture?
FARNSWORTH: Oh yes. My long, dreary, boring as hell lecture.
FRY: Wait, Leela! Take me with you!
He jumps out of his seat and grabs her arm, dragging her towards the door. Bender joins him and grabs the other arm.
BENDER: Oh please! Pleasepleasepleeeeaassseee take us! We promise we won't ask you for anything else, ever!
LEELA: No! I have to do this alone. You guys'll just screw something up.
BENDER: PLEASE!!!!
Suddenly, he turns sly and whips out a few photos from his chest. He whispers to Leela while waving them around for all to see.
BENDER: If you don't, I've got some rather revealing photos that the world wide web will crave for!
Leela snatches the pictures away from Bender and looks them over. Her concern turns into an annoyed frown.
LEELA: Bender, these are pictures from a Playbot Magazine. With my head pasted on them.
BENDER: Yeah well, you lived too far away, so I had to use a stand in. PLEASE!
LEELA: (annoyed) Alright! You two can come. But stay out of trouble!
FRY: YES!
Fry drags Leela out the door. Bender follows and turns to smirk at everyone else.
BENDER: Woo Hoo! Enjoy your lecture, losers!
Bender exits. The professor looks around at the remaining crew in confusion.
FARNSWORTH: Now, um, where was I? Oh well, I guess I'll just start from the beginning.
The remaining crew members groan painfully.
CUT TO- CRYOGENICS LAB- HALLWAY- LATER
As soon as two of the three walk through the door, Leela's old boss comes rushing up to her, looking flustered. Upon seeing Leela, his face shows a great deal of relief. Fry (still outside the room) looks uneasily at the automatic door and sneaks in. But before he's totally out of the frame, the door comes up from the floor and smudges him into the top of the frame. Leela turns around, sighs, and pulls him free from the door.
BOSS: Oh Leela! Thank my many Gods you're here! The little imp's been driving us crazy! He's even worse than Terry!
FRY: Wow, that _is_ bad!
BOSS: Wait a minute, what are you doing here?
FRY: Um, we're here to help.
The boss glares at him and Bender some more, then gives Leela the same menacing look. She looks over Fry and Bender and thinks for a second.
LEELA: Well, you can start helping by waiting for me back in my old office.
FRY: (griping) Aw, can't we go in with you?
LEELA: No. You'd scare the kid. Besides, the last thing I need is a distraction.
Fry scowls and he and Bender head for her office. Leela's boss hands her a bag that he's been carrying. She reaches into it and pulls out her old chip-implanting gun. She glares at it with hatred and sighs.
LEELA: Where is he?
BOSS: Right this way. (the boss leads her further down the hall).
CUT TO- BOSS'S OFFICE
The door opens in the darkened room of 'The Boss' and Leela enters. Her boss stands in the doorway behind her and points towards his desk.
BOSS: There he is. The kid's been hiding under there for two hour now. Watch out, he bites.
With that, the boss flicks the lights on and leaves, closing the door behind him. Leela takes a deep breath and heads for the desk.
LEELA: Hello? Is anyone in here?
There comes no answer, except for heavy breathing from the desk. Cautiously, she kneels down and peeks underneath it.
KID: AAAAAHHHHHH! MONSTOW!!!!!!
Before she can react (let alone get a better look), a rag doll is thrown in her face. She tears it off (looks like a purple rabbit) and throws it across the room, out of her way. Realizing her eye has scared him, she tries another direction.
LEELA: Wait, I'm not a monster...
KID: GET AWAY FWOM ME!!!
LEELA: Okay, okay, fine. (she shifts back into the wall behind her) Is that better? (PAUSE) Is that better, kiddo?
She tried to listen for a reply, but all she can hear is crying.
LEELA: Are you okay?
KID: (Sobbing) No.
LEELA: I'm sorry I scared you. But I'm really not a monster. If I were, I would have already hurt you by now, right?
KID: *Sniff* Wite...
Leela takes this as a good sign and cautiously moves towards the desk.
LEELA: What's your name?
KID: I can't tewl you.
LEELA: (puzzled) Oh. Why?
KID: You'w a stwanger, an' mommy an'daddy told me not to tawk to stwangers.
LEELA: Okay... Let's do it this way, then. My name's Leela. I'm an alien, _not_ a monster, and you're in the future. Now that you know me, what's your name?
KID: Matthew
LEELA: (echoing) Matthew... That's a nice name. How old are you?
MATT: Thwee.
Leela sits there, bewildered. She's never heard of a toddler getting frozen before.
LEELA: Are you going to come out?
MATT: Nu-uh. *sniff* Not until I find mommy and daddy.
LEELA: (frowning) Well, you're not going to find them under there. Come on out, I won't hurt you.
Leela waves her hand, beckoning Matt to come out. He hesitates for a second, then finally crawls out from under the desk. The first noticeable detail is his size; he's small, even for a three year old. But his cuteness sort of makes up for that. He's wearing some "bizarre" 20th Century fashion (overalls over a plain T-shirt), and currently, his large eyes are peering fearfully up at her beneath his spiky orange hair (think a short-Bart Simpson cut). Leela's maternal instincts give way. Despite herself, Leela find herself scooping Matt into her lap and hugging him
LEELA: Oh, you poor thing.
MATT: (whimpering) Wat are you gonna do wit me?
LEELA: (soothing) It's okay, I'm not gonna do anything bad to you.
This almost touching moment is totaled by one temperamental robot standing in the doorway.
BENDER: Oh God, don't tell me you're attached to that thing! And this one looks like Cubert! Yech!
LEELA: He does not!
MATT: Who's Cwuburt?
LEELA: No one, hon. (Turns to Bender) I thought I told you to wait with Fry!
BENDER: Yeah, but Fry got boring.
LEELA: Go back. Now!
BENDER: Hmph. Fine (SOTTO) Bitch.
He glares at her, then notices the rabbit doll at his feet. He grabs it and storms out of the room.
LEELA: Moron.
MATT: Will you help me find my mommy and daddy?
LEELA: Uh... yes... but first, I have to do something...
She pulls out the chip-implanter from behind her back and sees Matt's eyes go wide.
MATT: You'we gonna shoot me?!
LEELA: Oh no! Of course not! (Leela carefully removes the chip out of the gun and holds it out for Matt to see) You see this? I have to put this in you so that when you grow up, you can get a job.
Matt takes the chip and fingers it uncertainly.
MATT: Wat will I be?
LEELA: Well... let's see...
On every chip I'm assuming there's a label stating what occupation it's created for. This is exactly what Leela sees, and when she finds it, she looks surprised.
LEELA: This is weird... it says you're going to be the Ambassador of DOOP.
MATT: What dat?
LEELA: Well, basically, it means you get control over all the armies on the planet.
(Author's note: I don't know what the official title is; frankly, I don't even know what you really do. But it's whatever "Yianna" Glab's job is. And if you don't know who she is, then you didn't read "The Fugitive" Shame, shame... 8-P ).
MATT: Kewl! (Looks over chip again) If you put it in me, will it hurt?
LEELA: Only for a second. After awhile, you won't even notice it.
MATT: I don't wannit. (he gives the chip back to Leela)
LEELA: (SOTTO) Smart kid. (To Matt) But everyone has to have one. See, even I do.
She holds out her palm and shows the chip to Matt. He looks at her warily.
MATT: Well... okay...
CUT TO- LEELA'S (OLD) OFFICE
Fry is lounging around in the chair at the desk when Bender comes sauntering in, carrying the doll.
FRY: Is Leela done yet?
BENDER: No. But look what I ripped off the kid she's drooling over. He he, pretty cute, eh?
Bender dangles the doll in front of Fry's face. The doll is a small stuffed animal that looks like a cross between a rabbit and Barney the purple dinosaur (hey, the kid's three years old...) Fry raises an eyebrow; he's seen this doll before. He grabs it from Bender and examines it closely. A rather long pause follows.
FRY: Bender... where did you get this...
MATT: (OS) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
Fry bolts up in his seat; he knows that scream.
ZOOM IN- BENDER
BENDER: Man, that kid can scream when he wants to, huh Fry... Fry?
Bender searches the room wildy for a glimpse of his friend. ZOOM OUT to reveal that Fry has disappeared. The bot shakes his head pitifully.
BENDER: Jeeze, Fry! What's the big deal?
CUT TO- HALLWAY
Here's the scene; at one end of the hall, Fry is racing to the other end, following the screams, looking absolutely terrified. Meanwhile at the other end is Leela, chasing a howling Matthew. Neither realize that their heading straight on a collision course for the other.
Suddenly, half-way down the hall, Matt's shoelaces come undone and he trips over them. Too scared to do anything else, he decides the best thing to do at the moment is curl up into a ball and sob his heart out. Leela catches up to him and slows her pace to a walk. But she's not within three feet of him when Fry rounds the corner. He looks at Leela first, then his gaze falls to Matt and he gaps.
FRY: MATTHEW!?
Matt stops sobbing long enough to look up and see Fry, who runs up to him and picks him up. Leela stands there, wearing a look that plainly says, "What the hell is this?"
FRY: (CONT) Matthew... oh my God, it's you... but how did you...
Fry suddenly realizes Leela's staring at him. He turns around and sees Bender and the Boss behind him, both looking for an explanation.
BOSS: (PO'ed) Excuse me, sir. Would _you_ care to explain how this child got in here?
FRY: I'm not sure.
BOSS: Hmmm... Are you responsible for him?
FRY: What?
BOSS: Is he yours?
FRY: Um ... uh... well...
Fry looks around, mainly towards a disturbed Leela and Bender.
BOSS: Because if he isn't your son, then I'm going to have to keep him here.
FRY: No!
Leela looks taken aback at the reaction, and Fry gives her an apologetic look.
FRY: ( quiet) Um... yeah . He's mine.
PAUSE as two sets of jaws hit the floor. One literally.
BENDER: (after fitting his jaw back into place) Oh. My. Sweet Programmer!
END OF ACT 1
ACT 2
EXT NEW NEW YORK-- CRYOGENICS LAB- EVENING
The trio, now turned quartet, wander away from the building as the sun sets on the busy streets of NNY. ZOOM IN to reveal that Leela and Bender are extremely ticked at their friend for not revealing this bit of info to them. Fry is trying to ignore their glares as he carries an exhausted Matthew, who's clinging to Fry's neck, shooting fearful glances at the cyclops that scarred him for life...
FRY: Look guys, there's something you should know...
BENDER: (bitter) Oh, so there's something _else_ you haven't told us?
FRY: (angry) Hey, I was just doing what I thought was right...
LEELA: Yeah. I'm sure you were thinking that while you were conceiving him (motions at Matt).
BENDER: (whoops in approval) Lay it on him, honey!
FRY: (snaps) Hey, it wasn't like that.
LEELA: (sarcastic) Uh-huh. Tell me, Fry; is this something you and that _Michelle_ cooked up in your hot little affair one night, or was it the result of some friggin' one-night stand...?
Fry stops in his tracks and glares daggers at Leela.
FRY: Screw this. I don't need some bitch telling my life story for me! (Storms off)
LEELA: (on some fine line between shocked and furious) Excuse me?!? Where the hell are you going?
FRY: Home. At least there I can stare at the wall instead of some mutant shrew.
Fry marches off OS. Leela and Bender watch him leave, Leela looking stunned.
CUT TO- PE BUILDING- CONFERENCE ROOM- LATER
After a brief description of their findings to the rest of the crew...
AMY: God! I can't believe he didn't tell us!
HERMES: Fry wit a love child? I can't picture it, mon. Well, maybe I can...
ZOIDBERG: (disappointed) Oy, why is it that _he_ get's all the luck?
BENDER: See, that just proves my point. Zoidberg's an idiot.
LEELA: I just don't get it. Why didn't he tell us about Matthew before?
AMY: Maybe because he was afraid of how we'd react.
LEELA: Why would he be afraid of that?
AMY: Well, how'd you react to him today? Were you _reasonable_?
LEELA: Of course I was reas... (thinks) ohhh... I completely tore him apart. (Sad) You're right, Amy. I completely overreacted. No wonder Fry didn't tell us. But I couldn't help it. I felt... I dunno... betrayed or something. (Looks out the window in the room and sighs) I just wish there was another explanation for all of this...
CUT TO- ROBOT ARMS APT.- FRY/BENDER'S APARTMENT- LATER
In Fry's part of the apartment, our hopeless star is bending over the couch, doing his best to make a bed for Matt. Matt, meanwhile is wandering around the room, wearing one of Fry's shirts as makeshift PJs (and on a little kid like Matt, that shirt is BIG), clutching that purple rabbit doll in one of his hands.
FRY: Okay, I think I got it. Come here, Matt. (Fry picks him up and sets him on the couch). Is that okay?
MATT: Uh-huh.
FRY: Okay. If you need me, I'll be over there (points to his own bed), 'K?
MATT: Okay. (Fry starts to get up) Wait!
FRY: Yeah?
MATT: Why did you tell dat man dat you were daddy?
FRY: Uh... yeah, about that... I sort of had to lie to get you out of there.
MATT: But lying is bad!
FRY: Maybe... but sometimes you have to do it anyway.
MATT: Are we gonna find mommy and daddy tomorrow?
PAUSE
FRY: (awkward) Um, Matt we need to... aw, never mind. First we need to figure out how you got here, and then we... we'll see. G'night Matt. (Starts to leave again...)
MATT: Wait! Will you kiss me goodnight?
FRY: Ugh. Do I have to?
MATT: Pwease?
FRY: (rolls his eyes) *Sigh* fine. (Plants one on his forehead and stares at Matt expectantly). Anything else you need me to do?
MATT: Yah. Kiss Bwueberry goodnight, too.
FRY: Who's Blueberry?
Matt proceeds to pull out his little purple rabbit(ish) doll and wave it in front of Fry.
MATT: Dis is Bwueberry.
Fry scowls.
FRY: Look, there's a lot of stupid things I'll do, but kissing that little freak doll isn't one of them.
MATT: Oh. Okay. *Yawn* Goodnight, Unkie Phil.
FRY: G'night, Matthew.
CUT TO- BENDER'S ROOM
Bender's listening through the door. He scowls after hearing their conversation.
BENDER: _Unkie Phil_?
CUT TO- ROBOT ARMS APT.- FRY/BENDER'S APARTMENT- NEXT MORNING
ZOOM IN on Fry, who's sprawled out on his bed, asleep.
SFX: ALARM CLOCK
Mumbling about his lost dream, he turns over, yawns loudly and stretches.
MATT: (OS) Woah!
SFX: THUMP
Fry frowns and looks over the side of his bed; it seems he has just accidently kicked his nephew out of bed.
FRY: Whoops. Sorry Matt... wait a minute, you weren't sleeping with me last night.
MATT: I know. I got scawed, so I came in your room. Are you mad?
FRY: 'Course not, Matt. (Picks him up and heads towards the kitchen) Let's see if I have something edible, and then we'll... *sigh* head off to Planet Express. (SOTTO) Where I'll be ridiculed for something I never did...
MATT: And then we'll find mommy and daddy, right?
FRY: (hesitates) Uh... oh boy. Matt, we need to talk about that. But not now.
MATT: Unkie Phil? Why were you and that lady fighting yestieday?
BENDER: (who suddenly appears in the doorway) Yeah. Why were you and Leela bitching again?
FRY: (annoyed) We weren't fighting. She was just yelling at me for no reason, so I told her off. (grim) Really badly.
BENDER: Well, I'll give you that.
FRY: Aw man. She's gonna be ticked today... maybe I shouldn't go in. Then again, maybe the professor can figure out how Matt got here in the first place. Maybe there's a way to send him back.
BENDER: You're putting the kid's fate in the professor's hands? You got guts, pal.
FRY: Like you should talk. What happened yesterday was your fault, you know.
BENDER: _My_ fault?!
FRY: Yeah, if you hadn't encouraged Leela, then she wouldn't have yelled at me, and I could have told her that Matt's my _nephew_ instead of my _son_...
BENDER: Hey, don't blame me for lying in front of us in the first place!
Fry tries to come up with a good comeback, but he can't think of one.
FRY: Oh hell with it, let's just go to work.
CUT TO- PE OFFICE- CONFERENCE ROOM- LATER
Almost everyone is seated at the table, awaiting Fry and bender's arrival. Key word; Almost. Leela's up on her feet, pacing furiously. Cubert, who's back for whatever reason you want to make up, watches her with disgust. (Side note; the professor's Mind Reader is sitting on the table).
CUBERT: For the love of God, will you _calm down_? This is not exactly an attack from the Omicronians that we're worried about here.
LEELA: (annoyed) Nibbler, sic him.
At her command, NIBBLER comes out of nowhere and starts attacking our infamous clone. He screams and falls off of his chair and OS. About that time, Fry and Bender enter.
BENDER: Hey y'all.
FRY: Um, look everyone. I know what you're all thinking, but I swear the kid's not mine!
HERMES: Nice try, mon.
FRY: Wha...?
LEELA: I told them everything, Fry. And I'm sorry about how I reacted yesterday. It was wrong of me and... wait a minute, what the hell am I saying? I was right! How could you just go off and abandon your own son like that, you idiot!? That's beyond a doubt the most selfish, inconsiderate...
BENDER: Whoa, mama. Calm down! Before you nag him to death, can I point out that the kid's his _nephew_, and not his son?
PAUSE
LEELA: (stunned) His neph... but at the lab, you said...
FRY: I told your boss he was my kid so that he'd let me take him home. There, you happy?
LEELA: (genuine) I'm sorry, Fry. I didn't know. It just got so confusing with giving him the chip and seeing him with you...
FRY: Hey, no prob... wait, what chip?
MATT: (who's been cowering behind Fry this whole time) The one she put in my hand. The one that hurt me.
LEELA: If I had known he was your nephew, I never would have touched him.
CUBERT: (tears Nibbler off him and tosses him back at Leela) Wait a sec... (to Fry) He's your _nephew_, right?
FRY: Yeah, my brother's kid. So?
CUBERT: (pressing) So then, the professor and I are technically _his_ great, great, great-whatever grandsons, unless you had another sibling?
FRY: Well, actually...
CUBERT: So, by those standards, if we think about this logically, then my fellow creator and I should not be in existence! And yet, here we are! How is that possible?
BENDER: I don't know and I don't really care.
LEELA: That's not the only weird thing. Terry told me that Matt was frozen. But how did a toddler get into a cryogenics lab in 2003?
FRY: (shakes his head) 2003? Uh-uh. Had to be 2000.
ZOIDBERG: Why?
FRY: Because when I was frozen, Matt was 2 ½.
PAUSE.
LEELA: But the freezer automatically sets for 1000 years and... oh, I don't know. (To Matt) Hon, do you remember how you got frozen?
MATT: (ducks behind Fry again) Stay away fwom me.
LEELA: What's the matter?
MATT: You hurt me. You hurt me with that gun. Like the bad guy.
FRY: (kneels down to Matt's level) Hey, it's okay. She doesn't have the gun anymore. And even if she did, I wouldn't let her hurt you. OK?
MATT: 'K...
ZOIDBERG: Let's start with something less confusing. If my knowledge of humans is correct, then your young have tiny, inferior brains that are only useful in sweat shops and the position of Vice President. Matthew, where were you the night you were frozen?
MATT: I wasn't frozen.
FRY: Matt, did you see those big, closet-looking thingies that were in that room?
MATT: Uh-huh.
FRY: Now, how did you get into one of those?
MATT: I didn't get into one of them.
AMY: Look kid, if you're trying to get out of trouble, it's not gonna work.
MATT: But I weally didn't fall in one of dose. I didn't even touch 'em.
FRY: Matt, it's okay if you did...
MATT: (upset) I _didn't_ touch them, Unkie Phil. Weally!
FRY: You really didn't?
MATT: Uh-hu.
FRY: Damn.
LEELA: Matt, do you remember what the date was when you were fro... when you got into that room?
FRY: Oh yeah, like he's really gonna remember that...
MATT: November fourteen, two-oh-oh-oh.
Everyone gives Matt a strange look.
MATT: (proudly) I'm in pweskool!
BENDER: Riiiggghhht. (SOTTO) Smart ass.
CUBERT: But that date doesn't make any sense...
LEELA: Shut up. (Bends down to talk to Matt) Now. How did you get into that room? (PAUSE) Did your parents take you there? (PAUSE) Did you get lost and end up in there? (PAUSE) Did someone else other than your mom or dad take you there? (PAUSE) Matt...
Matt nods his head furiously.
LEELA: Okay, now we're getting somewhere... this person that took you. Was it a grownup? (He nods yes) Did he know your parents? (Nods yes) Was he a friend of your parents? (PAUSE) Matthew, was he a friend of your mom or dad's?
MATT: *sniff* No. He was a bad guy.
FRY: (anxious) Bad guy? What kind of bad guy?
MATT: The kind with the gun.
PAUSE:
FRY: (disturbed) A... a gun? You mean a toy gun?
MATT: (whimpering) No. He came to my house and took me. (crying) He had a gun... Wosa twied to get me, but he shot her...
Matt starts bawling and throws himself around Fry's waist. Fry just sits there in bewilderment, hugging his nephew. The rest of the crew looks alarmed, but still...
LEELA: Who's Rosa?
FRY: Um... I think it was his baby-sitter... Matt, Rosa baby-sat you, right?
MATT: (wailing) Uh-huh. And he shot her!
FRY: Hey, calm down. I'm sure she's fine. What happened next?
MATT: *sniff* Then... then he took me to that room. No one was there. He said he wants no one there. He took out the gun... *sniff* he shot at me. Nothing came out. He said bad words, he went away. When he was away, I saw dis light.
Leela's eye widens. Farnsworth coughs uncertainly, and Cubert gaps for a second. The three exchange glances. No one else notices.
MATT: (CONT) It was weally pwetty. It was shiny and blue, and it was spinning... it looked like a cave. I went inside, and there were all dese numbers inside. A whole bunch of 'em. Numbers I can't count up to yet. I picked one and I was in that woom again...
FRY: Woah, wait Matt. That isn't real. You probably just dreamed that up or something...
FARNSWORTH: Actually, he may be telling the truth. (The crew stares at him). But first, we must be absolutely sure that he saw what he did. Coincidentally, I need someone to test my Mind Reader! (Flashes Matt a "mad scientist" grin)
FRY: Oh no! Not on my nephew you aren't. Can't you use Cubert or something?
LEELA: Fry, if the thing works, we can find out what really happened to Matt.
FRY: (hesitant) Well... okay. But if anything happens, I get to make Leela kick your ass.
FARNSWORTH: (not listening) Fine, fine.
Farnsworth takes the Mind Reader from off the table and straps it onto Matt's head and turns it on. From a camera lense in the center of the helmet, a holograph is projected, into the middle of the group.
FARNSWORTH: Now, Matthew, could you tell us everything that happened again?
I'll save you the second flashback and cut straight to the holograph. The holograph shows the Cryogenics room of 2000. At first, it looks empty. But the door bursts open and in storms an acrimonious-looking man with blonde hair, dragging Matthew (visibly upset) by the arm. At the moment, no one can really make out what he's saying over the drone of Matthew's voice-over. He throws Matt into the center of the room and pulls out a revolver. The man aims and fires, but
nothing happens. He tries again, but the gun just clicks in return.
MAN: God(beepin')damnit! (To Matt) You stay here you little sonofabitch. I'm not through with you yet. (SOTTO) Maybe there's an emergency ax in the hall...
The man storms out of the room. Matthew stands around, looking petrified. Outside, a clock strikes midnight. At the 12th stroke, there's a bright flash of light that temporarily turns the hologram white (NOTE: Since it's now 12:00, it's technically Nov. 15th). When the brightness fades, there's a spinning blue vortex a few feet away from Matt, about 7 feet tall and three feet wide. Matt stares at it, mesmerized.
SFX: FOOTSTEPS
Matt freaks out and jumps into the vortex. The Cryogenics lab disappears and is replaced by a swirling blue mist full of different dates all in the same format (day-month-year). Matt looks around curiously...
Cubert interrupts the scene.
CUBERT: (stunned) My God, it's true!
FRY: (obviously ticked at the man) That bastard had better be rotting in hell...
FARNSWORTH: Of course, that explains everything! Matt didn't use a freezing capsule, he stumbled upon a Blue Streak!
BENDER: A what-what?
LEELA: There's been this theory going around that... well, you know what a wormhole is, right?
BENDER: Uh, no.
LEELA: A wormhole is a hole that leads through a tunnel in time; you go in one way and come out the other. You end up in the same place, but in a different time period.
FARNSWORTH: Mind you, most wormholes are about as big as the average-sized planet. But there was a theory going around that there were rare wormholes small enough to be found on earth, say in a room or house of some sort, in the shape tall, thin, holes of spinning blue mist, thus giving them the name Blue Streaks, and so far, Matthew has described their features perfectly. Those spinning numbers were actually dates. Supposedly, all's you had to do was walk into it, and it would take you to that day, month and year.
HERMES: I still don' get it, mon. If there were so many numbers, how'd he pick the year dat we were livin' in?
MATT: I picked _my_ number. Two-won-two-twee-oh-oh-twee. I thought it would take me home.
FRY: Hey! 2123003 is the address on the door of my brother's apartment.
LEELA: And it was also yesterday's date! 2/12/3003!
MATT: So... how come I'm not home?
Whatever cleverness the crew saw in Matt is quickly replaced by pity. Fry looks around his friends eagerly for advice, but no one has any to spare...
FRY: Uhhh... Matt, you're... how do I say this... you're in the future.
MATT: Future?
BENDER: Yeah, you know. The future. The place that comes around after you die. Except this time you're not dead, and everyone else you knew is.
FRY: The only problem is... your mom and dad... (winces) _aren't_ in the future. They're back where you were. In the past.
MATT: Oh. So why don't we go back to the past?
Fry groans and buries his head in his hands.
FRY: Matt, the truth is... we don't know how to get you home.
Big ol' PAUSE here.
MATT: (upset) So I'm not going home?
FRY: Nu-uh.
MATT: (sniffling) No mommy and daddy?
FRY: No.
MATT: (wailing) But I wanna go home! You take me home!
FRY: Matthew, kiddo, I can't...
MATT: I HATE YOU!
And with that, the bawling toddler rushes out of the room in a fit. Fry just sits there, stunned. All is quiet in the room for awhile.
LEELA: (gently) Fry, don't sweat it. You tried your best. He'll just have to get used to it, that's all.
FRY: (shakes his head) No. He'll never get used to it. _I'm_ still not used to it, and look at me; I've never fit in anywhere else than here.
He gets up and heads out of the room, in the same direction as Matt.
FRY: Look, I'm gonna find Matthew and take him home; I guess this was too much for him to handle today...
He leaves without any other parting words, not even a goodbye.
END OF ACT 2
ACT 3
INT- PE HANGER
Fry's wandering around the near-empty room, searching in vain for Matt. He glances up at the ship and thinks for a moment.
CUT TO- PE SHIP- BRIDGE
Matt's curled up on the couch, pouting his ickle heart out as he clutches his Binky doll close to him. Fry's shadow falls over him, and he tenses up.
MATT: Weave me alone.
FRY: *Sigh* Matt, I'm really sorry about this. But it's not your fault. It's not my fault. And it's defiantly not your mom and dad's fault.
MATT: Den who's fawlt is it?
FRY: No one's. Well, maybe that guy who tried to shoot you. (SOTTO) Lousy bastard... (To Matt) But it'll be okay. We can still have fun, right?
MATT: Wite.
FRY: (cheerful) See, everything's right with the world. (See's Matt's downcast look and frowns). Tell you what; since you're so unhappy about being in the future, I'll let you do whatever you want to today.
MATT: (perks up) Anyting?
FRY: Anything in the universe.
MATT: (thinks) Well... (glances out window) I know!
Matt stands up on the couch and whispers his plan to Fry. Fry smirks.
FRY: Yeah, I think we can do that. (Calling) Hey Leela! Got a favor for ya!
EXT MILKY WAY GALAXY- LATER
There's a shot of the PE ship as it flies past the camera.
CUT TO- PE BRIDGE
Inside, Leela is at the helm and Fry's on the couch. Both are watching Matthew, who's infatuated with the scene outside the window.
MATT: (excited) This is SOOO KEWL! I don' hate you now, Unkie Phil.
FRY: Oh. Well, that's good.
MATT: You get to do this ev'ry day? You lucky! I want your job when I grow up!
FRY: (chuckles) I'd trade jobs with you any day, kiddo.
LEELA: So this is your first time in space?
MATT: Uh huh. I like outside space! It's fun! Oh, and I don' hate you too, Leela.
LEELA: Well I appreciate that.
MATT: And thanks for taking da metal thingy out of my hand. It huwt.
Nibbler scurries onto the bridge and into Leela's lap. Matt watches with interest.
MATT: Wat's dat?
LEELA: This is my pet, Nibbler. You want to hold him?
MATT: Weally? Okay!
Matt rushes over to Leela, who hands him Nibbler. He cradles him in awe for awhile, although Nibbler doesn't seem to enjoy it much.
MATT: He's weally soft. Is he a funny doggy?
LEELA: Nope. He's an alien, like me.
MATT: Wow! (To Nibbler) Wanna see outside space?
Matt carries (well, more or less drags) Nibbler to the window. The two adults watch.
FRY: (watching Matt, talking to Leela) Kids are so easy to please. And when they're happy, they're so cute. Almost makes me wish I had one. And then I
remember the lifelong commitment part (shudders).
LEELA: I always wanted a kid of my own. A little baby I could raise. They all seem so sweet. (Saddened) Too bad no one else I meet will feel that way, But at the rate things are going, I won't come even close to thinking about having children...
FRY: Eh, so you got stuck with some lousy boyfriends before. Including me (Leela goes red). You'll find the right guy one of these days, someone who sees things your way.
LEELA: That's not what I mean. Even if I did meet "the one"... there's still... well, the issue of... I mean, it would be impossible to...
FRY: To what?
LEELA: For all I know, I'm the last of my species. I'm not a subbreed of human, Fry, I'm an alien. And that technically means I can't... well... _breed with humans_.
FRY: So?
LEELA: *sigh* Never mind.
CUT TO- PE HANGER- LATER
The ship lands (blah blah blah), Fry, Leela and Matt get off (yada yada yada), the Professor hurries towards them with a stack of papers in his arms, looking anxious, his clone not far behind...
FARNSWORTH: Fry! Good news, my boy! It seems that this Blue Streak that Matt's discovered makes nightly returns.
BENDER: (entering) Wait, wha'd I miss?
FARNSWORTH: As I was saying, you could take the boy back tonight!
FRY: (awed) You m... I c.... wa... I can go back? Back home?
FARNSWORTH: Why, of course. According to my calculations, you could go back and forth between our two time zones without harm!
PAUSE as our Future Trio glance warily at the professor, before turning their attention to Cubert.
CUBERT: Don't worry. I checked his calculations.
FRY/LEELA/BENDER: Oh, well, of course/that's a relief/nice to know/ etc.
FRY: You hear that, Matt? We're going home!
MATT: (pouts) Aw... But I wanna stay here.
PAUSE
FRY: We'll talk, OK? C'mon, let's go celebrate with some ice cream. My treat.
BENDER: Sweet! Free food! I'm there, baby!
CUT TO- STREETS OF NNY- AFTERNOON
ZOOM IN on Fry as our Future Trio (with Matt, of course) walk out of the corner "Dotty Dot" Ice Cream Store.
FRY: Man, the ice cream of the future is so much cooler than the stuff we had back 1000 years ago.
ZOOM OUT to reveal Fry and the others are each holding a cone of a single "dot" of ice cream. The dot can't even be seen, and it's not until Fry searches his cone and finally dumps it's continents into his open mouth that we see the dot tumble out (and we're talking a small dot, here). So much for Dippin' Dots.
LEELA: So Fry, what are you gonna do when you get back.
FRY: Meh, you know. Take Matt back to my bro, go visit my parents, check out the latest crazes, the latest styles, the latest babes, see which shows FOX put on hiatus...
BENDER: Man, how long are you planning on staying?
FRY: (PAUSE) You know, I'm not sure. Maybe a week. Maybe two. Just long enough to see what I missed, who I missed. (Joking) Who knows, I might just stay there forever.
Leela and Bender stop in their tracks and stare at Fry, shocked. He continues on ahead, not noticing their appalled stares.
CUT TO- PE BUILDING- CONFERENCE ROOM- EVENING
Everyone in the PE crew, minus the Frys, are gathered at the table.
LEELA: ...I don't know what to do! If we let him go, he might stay forever.
BENDER: But if we let him stay, we've got the kid on our hands. It's a loose-loose situation.
HERMES: Get off it, mon. He wouldn' stay forevah! (PAUSE) Would he?
FARNSWORTH: And so what if he does. It's his right to. So we'd loose a friend. So I'd loose an employee. So what? As long as _he's_ happy, isn't that all that matters?
LEELA: No.
CUBERT: Nope.
BENDER: Nu-uh.
AMY: Hell no.
ZOIDBERG: _I_ want to be happy!
LEELA: Maybe you don't see a problem with it, professor, but if it weren't for Fry, Bender and I might not be where we are today.
BENDER: Yeah, because of him, we're stuck in a low paying, hazardous job, have been through at least three universal wars, and had six theft charges slapped on us in the last two months alone!
AMY: Bender, that was _your_ fault.
BENDER: So? He was still there when it happened!
ZOIDBERG: I want to be happy! Someone make me happy!
LEELA: *Sigh* If he left forever... it just wouldn't be the same without him.
CUBERT: Yeah, the ship would actually be clean for once...
HERMES: He wouldn' be buggin' us every two minutes wit one of 'is stupid questions...
BENDER: My apartment _would_ have the extra closet space...
LEELA: The place would just feel so... so...
BENDER: Empty?
LEELA: Yeah. I don't know what we'd do without him.
FRY: (OS) You guys are _pathetic_!
All heads turn towards the doorway; Fry's standing there (Matt behind him), looking vexed.
FRY: (CONT) Look at you. You're all acting like I'm dying tomorrow.
CUBERT: Well, technically, if you _do_ go back at midnight, you will be dead by our standards...
AMY: You know, Cubert, there's a line between being annoying and being a smart ass. Yet you seem to cover both at the same time.
FRY: Don't worry. I'm coming back. All's I'm doing is dropping Matthew back home. (Mocking) Or is that thought too scary for you?
BENDER: Oooh. Very good, Fry. Spoken like a true jackarse.
FARNSWORTH: Calm down, everyone. We only have a limited amount of time before that portal opens.
Farnsworth glances down at is watch, as if to prove his point. ZOOM IN to the watch to show that it's 8:35 PM. CUT TO the watch flashing 11:42 PM. ZOOM OUT to show the professor, Leela, Bender, Matt and Fry all standing outside the Cryogenics Building.
FARNSWORTH: Well, it's time you started heading on in. Remember, Fry. You need to select the date November _15th_.
FRY: But I thought he was kidnaped on the 14th.
FARNSWORTH: Well, technically, no. When that clock struck midnight, the date changed to the 15th. If you try to take him back a day earlier, you'll end up with two Matthews.
BENDER: *Shudders* Please, don't even think of such horrors!
LEELA: I'll sneak them in. It shouldn't be too hard; Terry has guard duty tonight.
BENDER: Hey Fry, just don't forget us when your back there, 'K?
FRY: I told you already; I'm coming back. I wouldn't abandon my best friends without at least a _week's_ notice.
BENDER: Well... alright.
LEELA: We'd better sneak in now.
FRY: Okay. Bye, you two.
BENDER: Bye buddy. (To Matt) Bye ya little home wrecker.
FARNSWORTH: Pleasant trip!
As Fry (carrying his nephew) and Leela slip through the back door, Bender calls out a few final words.
BENDER: Hey bud! Can I sell your stuff if you're not back in a week?
CUT TO- THE CRYOGENIC FREEZING LAB
The three are standing there idly, awaiting the vortex. Fry's rubbing a bruise on his forehead, muttering about a "stupid automatic door".
LEELA: Well, Matt, it was nice meeting you. I'm sorry things couldn't work out any better.
MATT: (obviously tired) Dat okay. *Yawn* Even for a monstow, you're weally nice.
LEELA: Now Fry, I want you to be careful back there. You haven't been in the 20th Century for over three years, and who knows what you may have forgotten. No talking to strange dark men in alleys, no courting strange sullen women in alleys, no petting rabid dogs in alleys...
FRY: Leela, calm down. Nothing is going to happen!
Fry puts his free hand on her shoulder and smiled warmly at her. Leela tries to smile back, but her concern overrides her facial features.
FRY: (stunned) You really _are_ worried about me, aren't you? (Leela shrugs uncomfortably) You really think I'm going to stay.
LEELA: Fry...
FRY: Leela, I'd never just leave my friends hanging. Especially you and Bender. (Leela coughs *Michelle* under her breath) I mean, you guys are the whole reason that I stick around this century. If I didn't like it here, what's stopping me from freezing myself for another 1000 years?
LEELA: (interrupting) And what's stopping you from not coming back? (PAUSE) I'm sorry... it's just... Fry, I'll be honest. If I had the chance to go and stay with my family, I'd take it without hesitation.
FRY: Leela, this is _different_. I've already lived through the horror of family; you haven't. Look, if it'll make you feel better, I'll stay for one day. And then I'll come back. Okay?
LEELA: You promise?
FRY: Yeah.
The two just stand there for a few seconds, staring at each other. They give each other a mild smile, and then they embrace tightly.
MATT: *Ack* Unkie Phil... I can't bweathe!
FRY: (sheepish) Sorry, kiddo.
Out of what seems to be nowhere, a clock begins to strike midnight. With every *DONG*, the three look around expectantly for the Blue Streak. At the twelfth *DONG* It also appears out of what seems to be nowhere, highlighting the room in a turquoise glow.
FRY: Well, I'd better go. Bye Leela.
LEELA: Bye. (Fry heads for the vortex) Fry? You'll remember; two days. I want to see you back at midnight, February 13th...
FRY: Jeeze, Leela. I'll remember.
And with that, he steps in.
CUT TO- BLUE STREAK- INSIDE
I'm not sure how to describe this. Picture a light blue fog that is constantly swirling around. Now, picture that in the fog, there's literally millions upon billions of numbers inside, all in the same format (M/D/Y). Fry looks around, totally clueless.
FRY: Uh... crap. How am I supposed to find November 15th 2000?
VORTEX: (VO) I'm sorry; that date has been used up. Please select another.
FRY: Say what?
VORTEX: (VO) You can only select a date once.
FRY: But I never selected a date...
VORTEX: (VO) Look, someone entered or exited the vortex on that day. It can't be used again. So I suggest that you choose another, bucko!
FRY: Jeeze. Push-y. How about November _16th_, 2000?
There's a flash of white, and the date 11/16/2000 appears in front of Fry. He glances around a final time, before grabbing the number.
CUT TO- CRYOGENICS LAB- YEAR 2000
The vortex appears again, literally tossing poor Matt and Fry out. It vanishes as suddenly as it appeared.
FRY: (sarcastic) Well, thank you.
MATT: *Yawn* Can we go home, Unkie Phil?
Fry glances down at a drowsy Matt, then stares out the window. He's greeted to the chilly scene of the world he thought he'd left behind for good. No more flying cars, no more shiny, futuristic buildings, no more Hookerbot5000's. Just the good ol' 20th... no, 21st Century.
FRY: Yeah. Let's go home.
Fry starts out of the room, and comes up to the door cautiously.
FRY: (laughs) Now you can't smash me!
He begins to pull open the door, and it comes off of it's hinges and falls on him (yet it misses Matthew completely). He moans pathetically underneath it.
CUT TO- CRYOGENICS LAB- WINDOW
The camera ZOOMS IN to show Fry and Matt wandering the streets. As they head out of the screen's view, a light snow begins to fall.
~End of Part 1~
BTTP- Part 2
OPENING SEQUENCE
TEASER:
TEXT: November 16th, 2000
FADE IN:
INT STREETS OF OLD NEW YORK-- ABOUT 12:30 AM
We pick up where we last left off; FRY's carrying his nephew MATTHEW through the nearly empty streets of Old New York. He glances around the place, a look of nostalgia screening his face. As he walks on, we get a bit of inner monologue/recapping.
FRY'S MIND: Wow. I'm really back. This is just like one of those weird dreams where you're walking down the street that you grew up on, and right before you get to the house, BAM, that three-legged alien babe is chasing you down the streets in a 4-wheel drive Toyota convertible. (PAUSE) Do they even make those things? (Glances down at Matt) Awww, he's so cute when he's asleep. But that stupid gremlin doll of his is butt-ugly. I better burn it and look up some anti-voo-doo curses before he gets too attached to it. Where the hell did Anthony get that thing, anyway?
I gotta remember to tell Tony and Sandy; only one day. That's all. Or else Leela's gonna send Amy back here to kick my ass. (frowns) Ohhhh, but there's so much I need to catch up on, so many people I need to see... (angry) This isn't fair! Just because she never had a family, she makes me spend less time with my own.
(Glances down at Matt and sighs) Maybe it wouldn't hurt if I spent one more day here than I told her. Just enough time to figure out why Matt was kidnaped. Just one more day...
END OF TEASER
THEME STARTS
CAPTION: Ray guns not included.
TV SCREEN: <Undecided>
ACT 1
INT APARTMENT 2123003-- LIVING ROOM-- ABOUT 1:00 AM
The camera pans around what looks like a rather classy-looking apartment. We're talking about one of those places with the Picasso pictures on the walls and all those worthless nick-nacks that come from all over the world, one of those living rooms where the bookshelf is twice the size of the TV (it's sort of like Fraiser's living room, without the ratty chair). This is definitely not a place of Fry's standards. Or anyone else on the crew, for that matter (well, maybe... no, not even Leela). But then again, this isn't Fry's place to begin with.
The camera finally stops at the back of a couch. Someone's sprawled across it, but all's you can see is his hair and his feet. He sighs deeply, there's a few seconds' pause, and then...
SFX: PHONE RING
The frantic man's up in a flash. Now the audience can see him clearly. For starters, he looks a lot like Philip Fry. Well, no, that's not totally true. He's built much better than our carrot-top (leaner, slightly stronger), and he looks a few years older. Actually, he's not even a carrot top; his hair is more or less a reddish-brown, and his bangs fall into his face, as opposed to Fry's (and yeah, Yancy's) bizarre hair style. But aside from all that, he could pass as Fry.
Back to the phone call. Now, there's a reason he's wearing a frantic look. This is ANTHONY, Fry's brother (no, not Yancy...). And if you remember correctly, he's currently missing a son...
ANTHONY: (unnerved) Hello?
FRY: (VO) Tony? That you?
ANTHONY: (puzzled) Phil? Wha... where are you? Were have you _been_?
FRY: (VO) I'll explain later. Look, I called, 'cause I think I have something of yours.
PAUSE
MATT: (VO) Hi daddy!
Anthony sits there, stunned for a few moments. Then, the shock dissolves and he sinks down into the couch, relieved beyond belief.
ANTHONY: Oh my God. Matthew, are you okay? Listen; Don't. Go. _Anywhere_! You hear me? I'll be right over... wait, put your uncle back on.
FRY: (VO) Yeah?
ANTHONY: Bro, where are you?
FRY: (VO) I'm just at a phone booth. Don't worry, I'm bringing him over. I'll meet you in the lobby of your building, okay?
ANTHONY: Okay, okay, fine. And Phil?
FRY: (VO) What?
ANTHONY: (hesitates) Just be careful, okay?
FRY: (VO) Alright, alright. Jeeze, I disappear for a year and you still haven't changed!
CUT TO- APARTMENT LOBBY- NOT MUCH LATER
Tony's pacing the room frantically, glancing up at the clock, oh, every five seconds or so. Outside, the snow's still coming down. After what seems like forever, Fry and Matt enter, the latter curled up in Fry's arms, fast asleep.
FRY: Hey, bro.
ANTHONY: (totally ignoring him) MATTHEW! God, don't you _ever_ do that to me again! (Snatches the now awake Matt out of Fry's arms) We were so worried... we thought we'd lost you forever.
FRY: (sarcastic) 'You're welcome' said the ignored hero.
ANTHONY: (finally noticing him) And _you_. Where the hell have you been? How did you find him? Do you know how worried we were?
FRY: Uh... worried sick?
ANTHONY: *sigh* Come up to the apartment with us. I'll wake up Sandra, and then you can explain.
They head over towards the elevators and get in.
ANTHONY: Phil. (Fry looks up at him) You have no idea what you've just done for us.
The doors close.
CUT TO- APARTMENT 2123003- LIVING ROOM
All's quiet in the dark room. A door opens and the two guys (and a toddler) walk in, Tony carrying Matt.
ANTHONY: I'm going to wake up Sandra. Brace yourself.
Anthony takes his son and walks out of the room (and OS). There's a brief pause as Fry just stands there, idly.
SANDRA: (OS, hysterical) OH, MY BABY! Oh Matthew! You came back! My precious angel... what? Someone brought him... who? (Walking into the room) Let me see who... *GASP* PHILIP!
SANDRA runs up to him and throws herself on him in a hug attempt, but knocks him to the floor instead, which is pretty funny, because she's actually a short and petite young woman, with shoulder-length blonde hair. Now might be a good time to mention that she's from England, so she speaks with an accent (and yes, there's a reason she's from England, which I'll get into in a different story).
FRY: *Ack* Sandy, geroff!
SANDRA: (blushing) Sorry, Philip. (Gets off him; he stumbles to his feet and doubles over, gasping) It's just you have no idea what we've been through.
FRY: (still wheezing) I can imagine.
SANDRA: Where have you been?
FRY: Uh... you know, around.
SANDRA: Right... do you have a place to stay tonight?
ANTHONY: (OS, panicked) Hey, wait a minute...
FRY: Not really.
SANDRA: Then I insist you stay with us tonight.
ANTHONY: (OS) But Sandy...
SANDRA: Oh come now, Anthony. He's your brother.
FRY: Yeah!
ANTHONY: (OS) Fine. But only for tonight.
Sandra shoots a Look off in the direction of her husband.
ANTHONY: (OS) Okay, three nights. (PAUSE) A week? Oh come on, Sandra!
CUT TO- MATT'S BEDROOM
Anthony's been in here the whole time, trying to get Matt ready for bed (but he continuously falls asleep on him throughout the scene)
SANDRA: (to Fry, OS) You can stay here as long as you like.
ANTHONY: *Sigh*
MATT: (groggy) Wat's a mattah?
ANTHONY: Nothing, Matt.
MATT: Can I sleep wit you and mommy?
ANTHONY: Yeah, sure.
MATT: Is Unkie Phil sleeping ovah?
ANTHONY: (resentful) Yes.
MATT: Okay...
...and he promptly falls asleep. Tony eyes him adoringly for a while, then carefully lifts him up and carries him off.
CUT TO- LIVING ROOM- LATER
It's a few hours later, but still dark. Fry's sprawled out on the couch, trying to get some sleep, but he just keeps staring out the window.
FRY: My God. I never realized how different the future was. No aliens, no flying cars, no cool jobs, no robots...
ANTHONY: (coming On-S) Hey, there's robots. I should know, I make them.
FRY: (startled) What are you doing up?
ANTHONY: I couldn't sleep. You?
FRY: Me neither. (Afterthought) It's hard to sleep in a place where you're not wanted.
ANTHONY: Hey, you try being a guy who has to give up his home to a ne'er-do-well brother who once almost ate his kin out of house and home for two months.
FRY: Really? You tired that? Man, that must've been hell.
ANTHONY: *Annoyed Sigh* Sandra has a point, though. You did save our son.
FRY: *Pff* It was nothing. I just happened to see him around, so took him back.
ANTHONY: (shakes his head) No, you did a lot more than that... (see's Fry's puzzled look) never mind. You wouldn't understand.
FRY: So who's the weirdo after Matt?
ANTHONY: Hmm? Oh, right, David.
FRY: David?
ANTHONY: Yeah. He and I haven't exactly been buddy-buddy for the last few years. According to Rosa, he's the one who broke in the other day.
FRY: How is she? Matt said she got... you know... shot. Is she dead?
ANTHONY: *Sigh* She got lucky. It caught her in the arm. She won't be able to write for awhile, but she'll survive. (SOTTO) For awhile, anyway. (To Fry) But I'm curious to find out; where the hell have you been for the last eleven months? And how'd you find Matt?
FRY: Uh... if I told you, you wouldn't believe me.
ANTHONY: Try me.
FRY: Okay...
START MONTAGE
The montage is basically several second-length scenes of Fry explaining how he ended up in the future. Every scene shows Tony reacting to the story in obvious ways (denial, disbelief, curiosity, etc.)
END MONTAGE
FRY: (CONT) And I have to be back by midnight tonight, or Leela's be really PO'ed at me.
ANTHONY: Philip, do you realize that you have fed me the biggest load of crap I have ever heard?
FRY: You don't believe me, do you?
ANTHONY: Well, I didn't say that.
FRY: (surprised) You believe me?
ANTHONY: Well, I didn't say that, either.
FRY: Augh! Make up your mind already!
ANTHONY: I'm sorry, Phil, but I just need more proof than that.
FRY: (thinking) Wait a minute. I think I have a picture...
Fry begins rummaging through his pockets, pulling out various scraps of paper, money, gum wrappers, a bottle cap, his watch, part of that Men's Room sandwich...
FRY: C'mon, c'mon, I know it's here somewhere!
Anthony sighs and his eyes travel to one of the dollar bills lying on the table. He picks it up and gaps. The date on the bill is 3001. As Fry continues rummaging, Anthony holds the dollar up to one of the lamps in the room (you know, to check for that watermark), and after doing so, continues to stare at the dollar in awe.
ANTHONY: (amazed) Wow. You really were in the future. Or some really accurate counterfeit money scam.
FRY: (equally amazed) Wow! That dollar bill tells time?
ANTHONY: (ignoring him) But if you were in the future, then how did you find Matt?
FRY: I _told_ you. Matt fell into a time warp or something and my friend found him. We used the same thing to get back here.
ANTHONY: (absentmindedly) Time warp, eh? In the cryogenics lab?
FRY: Yeah, the one I was frozen in.
ANTHONY: Hmm. Interesting... (Intrigued) You didn't happen to meet up with any of our distant relatives or something, did you?
FRY: 'Course I did. I found your great-great-great-great-great...
CUT TO- SAME SHOT- MUCH LATER
FRY: ...great-great-grandson. I think he's your grandson.
ANTHONY: (whistles) That's a lot of 'greats'. What's he like?
FRY: Well... (puzzled) if his clone has anything to do with him, he looks like me, but he's smart like you. Or is that Yancy? I dunno, I never figured that part out.
ANTHONY: He has a clone?
FRY: Oh yeah. Invented him himself. He's a professor.
ANTHONY: Of what?
FRY: I don't know. What do I look like, some sort of rocket-scientist genius-person?
ANTHONY: *Sigh* So, what's it like in the future? Did you do anything exciting?
FRY: Well...
START MONTAGE
As the clips play, some corny song like Blink 182's ALL THE SMALL THINGS plays in the background.
Fry and Bender sitting in the bar in Space Pilot 3000
The whole gang watching ALL MY CIRCUITS from I, Roomate
Fry, Bender and Amy high-fiving each other from The Series Has Landed
The whole gang out at Madison Cubed Garden just as Bender catches a fly player in Fear of a Bot Planet
The crew dancing on the floats from Mars University
Fry and Bender recording the Popplers theme from The Problem with Popplers
Fry and Leela comforting (the head of) Bender on the stairs of a presidential monument from A Head in the Polls
Fry winning the Video Game in A Bicyclops Built for Two
Fry, Bender and Leela running into Farnsworth's Lab after his latest invention has been created from A Big Pile of Garbage
Bender strangling Fry from The Honking
Bender feeding Cubert to Nibbler and the rest of the crew laughing.
Leela reaching for Fry's hand from X-Mas Story
The crew receiving their paychecks and stuffing them in their pockets, and Bender pickpocketing every one.
Fry, Leela and Farnsworth sitting on the couch in the PE Bridge as Bender counts a large amount of jewels and gems from A Bicyclops Built for Two
Leela, fighting her way through the crowd of Trisolians as Fry and the gang watch, horrified from My Three Suns
Fry trying to explain how he saved the world by writing a book to the professor (and failing miserably) from The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Fry and Bender having a water fight while washing the ship in Brannigan Begin Again
Fry, Bender and Leela marching out to the ship, holding their helmet/head in A Big Pile of Garbage
Fry and Leela (and eventually Bender) holding hands in Space Pilot 3000
Leela and Fry wrapped in each other's arms (in her room) from the shipper's episode Parasites Lost
And lastly, but not least, Fry staring misty-eyed at his namesake nephew's grave from Luck of the Fryish
END MONTAGE
ANTHONY: (impressed) You really did all that?
FRY: (shrugging it off) Meh. It's not like I did anything important, like discover Mars or create a rock band or save a TV Network or anything. (PAUSE) Hey Tony?
ANTHONY: Yeah?
FRY: (awkward) Um... while I was, you know, gone... did you guys... miss me?
ANTHONY: Of course we missed you, Phil. It hasn't been the same without you.
FRY: Really?
ANTHONY: No, not really. I was just trying to make you feel better. They looked for you for about a week, then decided you'd drowned in some puddle on 5th Avenue and tried their best to go on with life.
FRY: (disappointed) Aww... can I at least call them?
ANTHONY: Well, you can try, but you won't get anywhere. Mom and dad are gone on vacation. Yancy's on a Hawaiian cruise with his girlfriend.
FRY: Damn it. The one day I come back, everyone avoids me.
ANTHONY: Don't sweat if, Phil. Even if they were here, I probably wouldn't let you see them anyway.
FRY: What? Why?
ANTHONY: Think about it. The future as you know it revolves around the fact that you disappeared without a trace. If you suddenly appeared out of nowhere, then obviously some of the actions that would have taken place had you _not_ been here will be changed, causing the future, in the long run, to change as well.
Fry stares at him, puzzled.
ANTHONY: It's a chain reaction of cause-and-effect. If you change the cause, you change the effect.
More puzzlement from Fry.
ANTHONY: It's like that Simpsons episode where Homer went back in time and he kept stepping on that bug, and every time he came back to the present, the world had changed.
FRY: Oooohhhh! Now I get it! (Thinks) Wait, so because I talked to you, I might have changed my future?
Anthony shrugs.
FRY: (disappointed) Ohh... I liked the future I had! (Glances out the window) Wonder how the others are doing without me.
CUT TO- PE CONFERENCE ROOM- AFTERNOON (Feb. 13th)
Ah yes, back to the other stars. Oddly enough, nothing has changed. HERMES is in the room, looking over some bills, when the VideoPhone rings.
SFX: VIDEO PHONE RING
Hermes turns it on, and the screen shows an humanoid KOMODO DRAGON, with an annoyed look on his face.
DRAGON: I was calling about my package. When's it going to come through?
HERMES: Er, it _should_ have been there over an hour ago.
DRAGON: Well, it hasn't shown up yet.
HERMES: I don' understand. Leela's hardly ever late wit a delivery. I wonder what happened.
CUT TO- PE SHIP- BRIDGE
THE CREW sits inside, arguing about the situation at hand.
AMY: ...Well I'm not going to deliver it!
BENDER: Neither am I!
They both look at LEELA.
LEELA: Well, don't look at me. I've already done my part.
AMY: Lets face it. If anyone delivers it, it'll be like taking over Fry's job. And obviously, none of us are up to doing that.
BENDER: Exactly!
LEELA: But we can't just _not_ deliver the package, either!
The three ponder over this.
LEELA: *Sigh* I miss him. Even if he was a cowering idiot, I still miss him. I hope he found out who that bastard was who tried to shoot his nephew.
CUT TO- 21th CENTURY- MISC. OFFICE BUILDING
Gathered inside a darkened room is a group of furious-looking men. One of them is the blonde guy who tried to do away with Matt. He looks twice as angry as any of them.
MAN: I just don't get it. (To a guy next to him) Josh, tell me how I could possibly loose a three-year-old in a cryogenic laboratory! How?!
JOSH: Don't ask me. I told you to kill him off at Tony's house, David. But noooo, you had to go to the _lab_. You had to go to the largest and most distinguished building in New York City!
DAVID: Don't you insult my mistakes, Joshua! If I'd killed him at Tony's house it would have been too easy to trace me. I took him to the closest building with the least security that I could think of. The lab came to my mind first, okay?!
JOSH: Then why didn't you just take the girl there, too?
DAVID: I wasn't expecting _her_ there. Shooting her was a mistake, a reflex. But she knows who I am now. We'll have to watch out for her.
They all murmur and nod in agreement.
DAVID: (CONT) We have two kids to bring down now. Josh, I want you to keep an eye on Rosa, make sure that if she breathes a word on us, it'll be her last. (Josh nods) I want you to keep an eye on Tony's place, too. If you hear any word on the youngster and his whereabouts, I want you to contact me as soon as possible. We've still got some unfinished business to take care of. (Grins evilly)
END OF ACT 1
ACT 2
INT APARTMENT 2123003- FRY'S VIEW- THAT MORNING
Well, assuming Fry's asleep, all's the audience sees is black.
SFX: FRY'S SNORES
MATTHEW: (VO) (Unintelligible mumbling)
FRY: Wha...?
Fry slowly opens his eyes. The first and only thing he sees is this enormous purple head with long thin ears, big green eyes, and a pink button nose.
FRY: WHAAAAGGG!!
CUT TO- SHOT OF COUCH
Fry, who _was_ lying on the couch, scrambles into a sitting position, throwing Matthew and his stupid doll to the other side of the couch. Matt looks at him and laughs.
MATT: You'we funny, Unkie Phil.
FRY: What the hell was that?!
MATT: Bwueberry. He wanted to say 'good morning'.
FRY: Uh, right. What are you doing up so early?
MATT: It's not early. Da sun already made the shadows go away.
Fry stares in confusion, then checks a nearby clock. It's already noon.
FRY: Where's your mom and dad?
MATT: Mommy left for wurk. Daddy's getting ready.
FRY: For what?
MATT: (excited as only a three year old can be) We're gonna see Wosa today, and I get to show her da picture I made, and she's gonna pway wit me, and, and, and you'we coming too, wite?
FRY: What?
ANTHONY: (coming out of the hall) Yeah, I forgot to mention that. I want to drop by Rosa's place today, you know, see if she's doing alright.
FRY: Why do you need me?
ANTHONY: Uh... Matt, go get your picture out of the kitchen, okay? (Matt scrambles out of the room) I need to talk with her, and if things get rough, I want you to take Matt out or something.
FRY: Rough?
ANTHONY: After what happened the other night... I don't want to risk it again. I'm going to tell her that we'll have to look for another sitter. She's gonna be PO'ed, but what can I say?
FRY: Oh come on, bro. It wasn't her fault. She couldn't help it if someone put a gun up to her head...
ANTHONY: (interrupting) No, not because of Matt. I don't want her risking her life just to babysit my son.
FRY: You think this whole thing has to do with her working for you?
ANTHONY: (distant) Yeah... working for me...
Silence. Matt comes bounding into the room, picture in hand, and looks curiously from his uncle to his father. He tugs at Tony's pant leg impatiently.
MATT: C'mon daddy. I wanna go now!
ANTHONY: Okay, kiddo. (To Fry) You coming?
FRY: *sigh* yeah. There's nothing else to do around here.
The three exit the room.
CUT TO- ROSA'S APARTMENT- LIVING ROOM
Unlike Anthony's place, this home looks really cheap. A young Hispanic girl of about 12 years of age is sprawled across a couch, watching TV, with a bored look on her face. This is ROSA. It has to be; her arm's in a sling.
SFX: DOORBELL
ROSA: Bryan, go get it! (PAUSE) Bry? Aw man.
She gets up and heads for the door. Upon opening it, a three year old fireball latches onto her legs, tripping her. Anthony pokes his head in moments later.
ROSA: Whag! (*THUMP*) What the... Matthew! Oh my God! You're alive!
MATT: Hi Wosa! I got you a picture!
Matt proudly displays the picture he drew; three undistinguishable blobs. Rosa looks at it, puzzled.
ROSA: (fake) Oh, it's adorable, Matty! Uh, what is it?
MATT: Silly! It's a picture of you beating up the guy who shot you!
ROSA: Oh, how sweet. C'mon, let's go hang it up in my room. (to Tony) I'll be right back, Antoni.
ANTHONY: No prob.
ROSA: (walking off with Matt) And you drew this all by yourself?
MATT: Yah! But Bwueberry helped a little (follows her OS).
FRY: (walking in) Woah. Cheap place they got here. Is her mom on welfare or something?
Anthony elbows Fry hard in the ribs ("Ow!")
ANTHONY: (whispers) She lives with her brother. She's never met her dad and her mom's a crack addict who's living God knows where right now. This girl's really sweet so keep your mouth shut!
Before Fry can say anything, Rosa comes back into the room.
ROSA: I am SO glad you got him back, Antoni. Your son is a gem. I (sees Fry)... aaaaaaahhhhh! What are _you_ doing here?!
FRY: I'm Matt's uncle. I brought him back.
ROSA: _He's_ your brother, Antoni?! Why didn't you tell me? I would have let you known...
FRY: Know what?
ROSA: (deep breath) Oh God, you haven't heard. I thought your boss might have traced the address or something, especially after you disappeared. I swear, thought, it was all Bryan's idea!
ANTHONY: What was Bryan's idea?
ROSA: The prank phone call!
Fry get's a stunned look on his face as he thinks back to some fateful day...
CUT TO- FLASHBACK- NEW YEARS EVE 1999 (taken from FRCR's episode capsule)
Fry, carrying a pizza, enters a room labeled "Applied Cryogenics." The room is full of ominous blinking lights with cryogenic tanks lined along one wall.
FRY: Hello? Pizza delivery for (looks at the card) I. C. Wiener! Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in life, I'd be the one making the crank calls.
He sits down in a nearby chair and pulls out a beer.
FRY: (toasts) Here's to another lousy millennium.
As he toasts, a building outside the window lights up with the number 10. We see all the civilizations around the world counting down, and as they reach 1, Fry blows a noisemaker, which hits him in the face and sends him backwards into an open tank. The tank sets itself to "1000 YEARS." A few seconds later, he's frozen...
END FLASHBACK
Fry, now with a furious look on his face, turns at Rosa.
FRY: You!!
ROSA: *shriek* (dives behind Tony) I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I tried to stop him! I swear to God I did!
ANTHONY: Your brother was the prank caller? And you never told us?!
ROSA: I thought if I told you, you'd fire me or something! Please, Antoni, I didn't mean anything against you...
FRY: (PO'ed) Because of your brother I was frozen for 1000 years and ended up in a future that I reasonably enjoyed!
ROSA: (perplexed) You were in the future? (Fry nods) Cool. How'd you get back?
ANTHONY: Um, I'll explain. Let's go in your room. I need to talk with you.
Tony takes Rosa gently by the arm and leads her off to another room. Fry starts to follow them.
ANTHONY: ..._alone_, Philip.
FRY: Aw...
ANTHONY: Why don't you take Matt to the park or something? *Ahem* Just in case...
The two walk OS, about the same time Matthew walks back On-S. He stops in front of Fry and stares expectantly at him.
FRY: You want me to take you
