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REVIVAL OF PROJECT A.L.B.I.A.

Part 1- Picking Up the Pieces

By

Officer 1BDI



This script takes off a year and a half after TF, and two years after BttP left off (ie, the F+L Romance is still going strong, Aaron and Kily are still involved, Rosa and Anthony are mentioned, Glab is still known as Yianna, etc.). This story doesn't make sense in a lot of areas without reading Blast to the Past or The Fugitive, so you may want to check those stories out first if you haven't already.

So read and enjoy part 1!



OPENING SEQUENCE

TEASER:

TEXT: January 2013

INT- CRYOGENICS LABS- NIGHT- SHOT OF DOOR

The room is dark and deserted. That is, until the door opens, silhouetting a familiar figure. He flips on the light and we see that it's ANTHONY. He's only a little more than a decade older, but he looks like he's aged considerably, especially his hair, which is scattered with grey. He glances around the room and sighs.

CUT TO- SHOT OF FREEZING CAPSULES

We catch an eyeful of the capsules and discover what he was sighing about. ROSA (about 24) is frozen in one of the capsules. He storms across the room, twirls the knob to 1 Min instead of 1000 years, and waits impatiently. After an eternity, it opens.

ROSA: Mmmmm... is it 3013 yet?

ANTHONY: Rosa, what are you doing?

ROSA: (angry) God damn it, Antoni! I told you to leave me alone!

ANTHONY: (equally teed off) What the hell is wrong with you? We've been looking for you for over a week now! Why would you go and do something so stupid?!

ROSA: Like you wouldn't know! I was doing myself a favor, okay!?

ANTHONY: Rosa, I know this whole thing has been hard on everyone, especially now that... _he's_ gone. (Rosa looks down) But you can't just give up on this life.

ROSA: But Antoni... there's nothing here for me. Everyone I ever loved is dead.



ANTHONY: You've still got _us_.

Rosa smiles weakly at him, but it soon fades away.

ROSA: But that's not enough... I want to start a new life! I want to forget what this one did to me! I want to...

ANTHONY: I know what you _want_ to do. You want to revive PA. But you can't. It's a dead project. (She shakes her head) You have got to listen to reason, Rosa...

ROSA: I know you're trying to help me, but it's not going to work. I already made my decision.

ANTHONY: (pained) *sigh* I... I'm sorry to hear that, kiddo. We're gonna miss you. But if you have to go, I want you to have this. It'll probably be better off with you than me.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a jagged amethyst rock tied to a flimsy necklace. It looks crudely homemade, but we know Tony's all into the "professional" look, so he must have gotten it from someone else... Nevertheless, Rosa takes it numbly, sniffles, and throws herself at Tony, bawling into his shoulder.

ROSA: I'm sorry, Antoni, I'm so sorry!

ANTHONY: Hey-hey-hey, it's you're decision. I'll just have to live with it.

ROSA: *sniff* You'll tell Sandy and Matt what happened to me, right?

ANTHONY: Of course.

ROSA: (calmer) Antoni, I know I never said it before, but you guys are the family I always wanted.

Tony says nothing, just hugs her.

ANTHONY: Uh, I guess you should get back in there before security catches me.

ROSA: What security?

They both chuckle nervously. Rosa nods, embraces Tony one last time, and climbs back into the chamber.

ROSA: Hey Antoni?

ANTHONY: Yeah?

ROSA: Don't forget about me, 'K?

ANTHONY: I won't.

With that, Rosa closes the door and is frozen within a matter of seconds. Anthony glances at her for a few moments, then eyes her timer, which is once again set to 1000 years. Then, he looks off to the left. At capsule 40. Which has...

ANTHONY: Nine-hundred and eighty seven years left. (Glances at Rosa's capsule again and changes it to that year). Sorry Rose, but I just feel safer knowing someone's out there with you.



He turns back to capsule 40 and wipes away the steam. It's of course, Fry's capsule.

ANTHONY: *sigh* Take care of her for me, bro.

He exits.

END OF TEASER



THEME STARTS

CAPTION: Their lives are in their own damn hands (scary, isn't it?)

TV SCREEN: South Park Clip



SCENE 1

TEXT: December 15 3004

FADE IN:

INT NEW NEW YORK- PLANET EXPRESS BUILDING-- MORNING

It's yet another lazy December morning at the PE Office, where mostly everyone in the crew is sitting at the table in the conference room. Professor FARNSWORTH is droning over what looks like a laptop. Except this laptop contains a keyboard that's two times too big for it's monitor. Farnsworth's now 15 year-old clone, CUBERT, is beside him.

CUBERT: Dad, by the standards you've set for this thing, it's virtually impossible to create this machine!

With a push of a button, Farnsworth enables the computer to activate a stun gun that shoots a beam in Cubert's direction; he's out before he hits the ground.

Meanwhile, the all-out bureaucrat of the business, HERMES, is in a heated argument with the doctor of the staff, ZOIDBERG...

HERMES: I don' care how much you like it, we can't keep payin' for de saltwater Jacuzzi you installed in da Observatory! It's costin' us thousands!

ZOIDBERG: Obviously, you have no sense of skin care. Look at how smooth my _beautiful_ claws are because of those precious salt particles.

As if to prove his point, the alien doctor waves his claws in Hermes' face, and accidentally snips a few of his dread locks off in the process.

HERMES: AUGH! Keep your polished claws away from my hair, you filthy crustacean!

BENDER, meanwhile, is reading porn (as usual), his legs propped up lazily on the table. He looks around the room, and notices that something is missing. Well, actually, someone. Actually, some people.

BENDER: Yo, Amy! Where're the two love birds?



AMY pokes her head out of the kitchen and stares angrily at Bender.

AMY: I dunno. I think they're in the ship. Now leave me alone, I'm talking with Kif!

BENDER: I thought you two broke up last year.

AMY: That was a set-up to trick my parents. Just shut up, okay?

Amy's head disappears, and Bender makes a face.

HERMES: So, you gonna go look for them in the ship?

BENDER: I'm not sure I _want_ to look in there. Not without a camera, anyway. He he he...

CUT TO- PE SHIP- SHOT OF FURNACE/ENGINE ROOM DOORWAY

At that particular moment, the two of them _are_ in the Planet Express ship. Bender, armed with his eye/camera, wanders in to the back of the ship and laughs evilly.

CUT TO- SHOT OF FURNACE ROOM DOOR

The window of the furnace room, their first observation would be that the window was covered in steam. From somewhere inside, a hand (complete with engagement ring) comes out of nowhere, slams itself against the window, and disappeared out of sight.

The camera ZOOMS out to show FRY standing a few feet away from the doorway, staring at the handprint.

BENDER: She still in there?

FRY: Uh-huh. Leela? Are you okay?

LEELA: I can't get the door open! The steam made it too slippery!

Fry opens the door, and out rushed LEELA, covered in grease smudges from the machine.

LEELA: Ugh! Why did _I_ have to fix the furnace? Why couldn't _Amy_ do it? (Fry shrugs) *Sigh*, how I have to take another shower...

FRY: No you don't. You look fine. (Sly) Besides, I like my women dirty.

BENDER: (SOTTO) Oh Programmer...

LEELA: Well, I don't like being dirty, so tough.

Leela heads for the door, but Fry grabs her arm and pulls her close to him.

FRY: Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?

LEELA: (smiling) Yes.

BENDER: (annoyed) And so it begins...

FRY: (CONT) And smart, and brave, and strong...



LEELA: ...And easily bemused by charm.

FRY: Yeah, well, that's why I like you even more.

The two lean in towards each other and their lips meet. For not exactly a short time, either. In the process of being frenched by Leela (as Bender makes gagging motions in the background)...

SFX: BANG (Plastic against wood makes a BANG, right?)

LEELA: (breaking off) What was that?

FRY: Prob'ly just Nibbler. Nothing to worry about.

Leela shrugs and the two lean in for another kiss. Unfortunately, a third voice breaks the silence.

AARON: (OS) MAMA UPPE!

LEELA: *Sigh* Hold on a second.

She gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and headed off for her room. Fry follows her.

CUT TO- LEELA'S (and now Fry's) QUARTERS

Sitting up in a playpen set up in the middle of her room is Aaron, now about 1 years old. He reaches up for Leela eagerly, and she scoops him into her arms.

LEELA: (cooing) Hey there, sweetie! Did you have a good nap? Are you hungry?

AARON: Ungy. (Sees Fry in the doorway and starts reaching for him) Dada!

Leela hides a smile, Fry grins sheepishly, and Bender looks ill.

BENDER: (to Fry) Why the hell does he keep calling you that?

LEELA: Because he likes him! (To Aaron) Don't you, sweetie?

BENDER: Well... can't you just unteach him 'dada' and teach him something else?

FRY: I kinda like it. Makes me sound more responsible... (sly, to Leela) and women like that in a guy, right?

FARNSWORTH: (OS) Fry! Leela! Stop making out, or whatever the hell you're doing, and get down here! You've got a delivery that needs briefing on.

SCENE 2

CUT TO- PE HANGER- LATER

Fry and Amy are loading giant crates into the PE ship while Leela checks off items on a checklist in her hand. Bender is sitting on his duff, drinking.

FRY: (exhausted) You promise you'll get the dolly fixed on our way to the planet?

AMY: (equally exhausted) Yes! Stop ing already! Jeeze, Bender. Why aren't you helping?



BENDER: Hey, I'm helping! I'm the Packaging Movement Supervisor.

FRY: I thought you were the cook.

BENDER: Did I say you could talk? Now get back to work!

Fry and Amy roll their eyes and continue to push the one crate up the ship's ramp.

LEELA: (looks up from checklist) Hey, has anyone heard if the professor's holding an X-Mas Eve party again this year?

AMY: Aw man, I forgot about that! I won't be able to come.

FRY: Why not?

AMY: Kif and I are going to my parents' house for X-Mas break. We're going to convince them that he's not a sleazy bastard after all.

LEELA: I thought you went over there during Thanksgiving to convince them. What happened?

Bender raises his hand high in the air (like as high as the ceiling), then does a low whistle as he drops it, and ends the movement by clanging his hand against the floor and making "crashing" sound effects. (It looks better than it reads)

AMY: (watching him) Crashed and burned.

LEELA: Ah.

SCENE 3

EXT PE SHIP- LATER

The PE ship flies past the camera and off into a golden galaxy within camera view.

CUT TO- PE SHIP- CARGO HOLD- LATER

A shadowy figure can be seen sneaking into the room, flashlight included. The stealthy figure comes up to one of the crates, pulls out a crowbar, and uses the crowbar to smash a glass box containing an emergency ax in it. He takes the ax and hacks away at the bolts on the crate, until the lid pops open. Laughing evilly, he peers inside, only to find...

BENDER: Flowers? We're shipping three crates worth of potted flowers?! I wanted to steal something worth stealing! We've been screwed!

Bender sets the flashlight on a second crate, which illuminates him, and pulls out a flower pot containing what looks like a pair of white Sunflowers. He drops it carelessly on the ground (SFX: SMASH) and pulls out a second item; a small gold harp that's about three feet tall. Drop (CLANG). Reaches in, pulls out what looks like a 3-foot tall Soda Vendor, except it has a picture of a carrot on it. Drop (THUMP).

BENDER: What the hell? We're delivering junk! I wanted to steal something worth stealing, and all's I find are flowers, harps, and carrot vendors? And this stupid hootch still?!

Bender pulls out a miniature hootch still and tosses it over his shoulder (THUD). Until he realizes...



BENDER: Wait a minute... HOOTCH! YES!

He dives for the machine and starts draining it of it's continents.

LEELA: (OS) Bender!

BENDER: Whaag! (Drops the still (CRASH)) I wasn't doing nuthin'!

LEELA: (comes On-S, looking PO'ed) Bender, we're supposed to deliver that stuff to the Walion Historical Artifacts Museum, not steal it.

BENDER: Hey, that wasn't stealing! That was... uh... well, okay, so I was stealing. So what? It was lousy booze anyway.

Bender storms off, griping. Leela sighs and starts gathering the objects up to put them back in the crate. But even she can't help but look at them oddly.

CUT TO- BRIDGE

Bender stomps his way into the room, collapses into a chair, and pulls out some porno to relax into. Amy is at the wheel, but her attention is on Fry, who's playing with Aaron. Or at least, trying as best he can...

FRY: ...and this little piggy was roast beef, and this little piggy was... uh... bacon... and this little piggy... um, hey, I ran out of pigs!

BENDER: Fry, give it up. You already gave Leela the ring. She already said yes. You don't have to impress her by pretending to like her kid.

FRY: I'm not trying to impress her. I used to do this with Matt all the time.

Bender lowers his magazine and looks his friend in the eye.

BENDER: You mean, you really _like_ the kid?

FRY: *shrugs* I guess so.

PAUSE

BENDER: You make me sick, man! You used to be all cool and immature, but now you're playing "papa" for some stupid little one-eyed meatball.

AMY: What's wrong with that? I think it's cute.

SFX: VIDEOPHONE RING

BENDER: Yeah, well, you thought that the Needy Newbie I cooked for dinner last week was "cute". Enough said.

AMY: (horrified) That was a Needy Newbie!?!

LEELA: (entering) Amy, there's a call for you. It's Kif.

Amy dashes out of the room.



CUT TO- AMY'S QUARTERS

Amy wanders in cautiously, checks the hallway for listeners, closes the door and grabs the phone.

AMY: Kif! I told you not to call me during a delivery!

KIF: I know, but... it's about your parents.

AMY: (anxious) Yeah?

KIF: They just called me and said if I set foot within an acre of their property, they'd gun me down and have their Buggalo trample my blood encrusted corpse. (She winces) Amy, what are we going to do?

AMY: Ohhh, I don't know! Maybe I could talk with them...

KIF: You know that's not going to work.

AMY: We can't just keep avoiding them.

KIF: But we _haven't_ been avoiding them. We even tried seeing other people for awhile, remember? But we couldn't stand being apart (Amy nods). Maybe... maybe we should just stop trying to push this relationship on them.

AMY: (hopeless) You want to break up again?

KIF: No! I'm just saying that if they don't want to see us together, then we should just keep this between us.

There's an awkward silence.

KIF: I, uh, still want to see you on X-Mas.

AMY: You could come to the PE staff party with me. The guys know you; they wouldn't tell anyone.

KIF: I'll think about it... aw Jeeze.

AMY: What?

KIF: Zapp's finished his bath.

ZAPP: (OS) I'm ready to be dried off, Lieutenant! And this time, I want it done _thoroughly_!

KIF: *Shudder* I'll talk to you later, okay?

AMY: 'K. Love you.

KIF: Love you too.

They both hang up and Amy collapses on her bed in frustration and starts cursing in Cantonese.

SCENE 3

INT WALION HISTORICAL ARTIFACTS MUSEUM (WHAM)- LATER



The PE ship lands, and our Futuristic Trio exits the ship, the crates being pushed ahead on the now fixed dolly.

CUT TO- WHAM 21th CENTURY CORRIDOR

The trio is being led by the fat SAL from the Lunar Park (you know, the fat guy Fry beat up in Parasites Lost because he was ogling Leela). He stops in front of a door labeled WAR of 2012 and unlocks it.

SAL: Looks. Youse guys better not screws around in here, or I'll have your asses on a golden platter.

BENDER: Could you make it platinum? Gold clashes with my casing.

SAL: We'll sees about that.

Sal opens the door, and our hapless delivery boy gasps. Inside are several artifacts that are seemingly meaningless to Bender and Leela, but to Fry, it's a part of his past. Semi-automatic weapons, bits and pieces of 21st Century spacecrafts, Military computer databases, Conan O'Brian's legs...

FRY: My God! It's a shrine of my past!

Sal guy glares him down, but with a somewhat startled look on his face, like he's suddenly intimidated by Fry.

LEELA: Not your past, Fry. The War of 2012's past. (Sal looks relieved)

FRY: The whata of what-what?

BENDER: The War of 2012, moron. The first Universal War in the history of earth.

FRY: Oh. Who won?

SAL: Obviously, we's did. Those were's some dark times, they's were. Very dark times...

The room dims as the camera closes in on Sal's face.

SAL: Course, I's wouldn't know, on accounts that I wasn't doing no living at that time. Us humans were's battl'ing a evil race of aliens known only as the Siõe {A/N: pronounced 'shee'). *Tsk, tsk*, dem Siõe were's _evil_, they were's. They created all these freakishly hideous hybrids of creatures, using their own homes-grown DNA. They's threatened to attack earth with these freaky bastards, and they's got a response from us. War started January 2012, and ended that December.

PAUSE

FRY: (nervous) What happened?

SAL: (outbursts) WE BLEWS 'EM UP!

Fry yelps and jumps, crashing down to the floor.

SAL: Ha ha ha ha ha! The bastards never saws it comin'! We's blew them all up and their damn hybrids! Well, almost all's them.

Sal takes a crowbar and hacks open one of the unopened crates. He reaches in cautiously and pulls out a small gray egg, about the size of chicken egg.



SAL: This baby is the last of it's kind. The spawn of them confounded crossbreeds. We confiscated it from the rebels after the war, and it's finally been shipped over to this museum. Just like the rest of the crap youse delivered to me. Lucky, it's a thousand years in the making, so's it's defiantly dead.

LEELA: What rebels?

SAL: Wells, the story is, these Siõe were's giving some scientists in Europe some of their secrets. Those peeps had a whole organization that practically worshiped these guys. In the end, they's all got offs the hook, because they "didn't know" it was wrong. They's still out today. Still waiting for them Siõe to come back. *Pfff* Yah, that'll be the day.

BENDER: But they could come back, right?

SAL: I supposes so. Why?

BENDER: 'Cause they make some good hootch.

SAL: Youse not a rebel, arse ya?

LEELA: Oh God no.

Fry glances around the room, and his eyes fall on a suspicious looking skeleton hanging on the wall (in the background, Bender stuffs the gray egg into his chest cavity and heads off for the hootch still again). The skeleton's about two feet tall, and is strangely humanoid... well, except for the abnormally large, misshaped skull.

FRY: Is this a Siõe?

SAL: Nope. One of their creations. Rebels called 'em 'norms' or sumtin'.

LEELA: How did you know that?

SAL: (alarmed) Hey, don't starts accusing me of sumtin' I never did! (suspicious, points at Fry) And youse! Youse _sure_ you ain't a former rebel?

FRY: (shakes his head) I wasn't even around in 2012.

SAL: (still suspicious) Youse all bettah leave before youse scares away my customers. (They all just stand there) NOW!

The all file out of the room as Sal watches them with a mean glare. As soon as they're gone, he gives the room one last glance around and exits himself, turning the lights off and closing the door behind him.

Maybe it's the change in light, or maybe the TV showing this episode is screwed up, but for a brief moment, it almost looks like the skeleton blinks...

SCENE 4

INT PE SHIP BRIDGE- LATER

Now the crew is back on their own ship, and everything has returned to normal, right? Of course not! Leela, Bender and Amy are all staring at Fry. Ironically, Fry has a good reason to be stared at; he's crawling around on the floor, searching for something. As the three chat, he makes various calls and whistles, like he's looking for a dog.



AMY: (whispering) He axed _Fry_ that? Wow. You don't think Fry really was a rebel, do you?

LEELA: (whispering back) Who knows? That surly guy sure thought he was.

BENDER: (not exactly quiet) But skintube couldn't have heard about the war. He didn't even know there'd been a war in 2012. (To Fry) And what the hell are you doing?

FRY: Playing hide-and-seek.

Both robot and Martian girl raise an eyebrow at Leela.

AMY: At least my boyfriend has intellect.

FRY: He he, joke's on you. I used to be your boyfriend.

BENDER: Yeah, but that was while she was still a slut. (Bender starts laughing. Amy goes red and storms out of the room) What's her problem?

Fry, now tired of playing, slumps against the back of the couch.

FRY: (loudly) I give up!

As if on cue, Aaron pokes his head out from under the couch with an annoyingly childish grin on his face.

AARON: Peek-a-bew.

FRY: The couch! Of course! (Slaps forehead) Why didn't I think of that?

BENDER: (sarcastic) Maybe 'cause it's the only moveable piece of furniture in the room?

FRY: (ignoring him) Did you see that, Leela? I taught him to come when I say "I give up". Isn't that a cool trick? He's like some super pet.

LEELA: He's not a dog, Phil.

BENDER: That's not the point. The point is whether he can learn any _good_ tricks. (to Aaron) Yo! Mini meatball. Come here a sec.

When Aaron refuses to acknowledge the robot, he grabs him by the shirt collar and drags him across the floor towards him.

BENDER: There. (Whispers) Lookie there. You see that wallet in "dada's" pocket? Go grab it for Uncle Bender.

Aaron just stares at him.

BENDER: Ugh! He'll never learn anything useful, Leela. He's too stupid. And he smells.

LEELA: You'd better take that back.

BENDER: (sarcastic) Ooohhh, I'm so scared! (Cautious) Why?

LEELA: Because on this ship, no one insults my son.



BENDER: Yadda-yadda-yadda. You and your rules. You're such a tightwad, eyeball. (Mocking) Bender, he's too young to drink beer. Bender, don't let him get near that porno. Keep him away from your razor-blade collection, Bender!

FRY: Well, you _did_ try to force Cod-Liver Oil down his throat...

LEELA: It wasn't Cod-Liver Oil, it was Cod Liver's Robot Oil. And Bender didn't give that to him, Zoidberg did.

BENDER: (who's currently grabbing the wallet from Fry's pocket himself) Meh, whatever.

SCENE 5

INT DOOP HANGER- NNY, NNY- THAT EVENING

Unbeknown to our PE crew, another duo are involved in a search. The hanger is full of DOOP ships of all sizes, but the biggest of them all is clearly a sleek bronze ship with humongous glass panels and four identical ovalish compartments (each more identical than the last) jutting out from it's narrow bridge, the words Cerca de Casa inscribed beneath one gigantic window. Two oddly humanoid shadows can be seen scurrying against it as they rush past.

CUT TO- JOAH'S OFFICE

The deceased Sheecera's office looks even more dark and dreary without his presence. The two shadows enter, glance around, and rush towards the entrance to the terrarium door. One of them is a male with a soft, raspy voice that sounds suspiciously familiar. The other, a female, owns a loud booming voice, noticeable even when she's whispering.

MALE: While I do appreciate you calling me away from my... "duties" for such an important task, I can't help but ax... why did you want me to come here again?

FEMALE: Because, I think I've found something that may be of great interest of us.

CUT TO- TERRARIUM HALL

The shadows (now silhouettes) can be seen wandering the corridor, the female apparently feeling the walls.

FEMALE: I know it's here somewhere!

MALE: _What's_ here?

GUARD: (OS) Who goes there?

The two freeze, then scurry up the walls (yes, they climbed the walls). Moments later, a guard passes them by, oblivious to the fact that they're handing right above his head. He searches the hallway with a flashlight, but upon finding nothing, shrugs and heads out towards Joah's office. As soon as he disappears, the female jumps down to the floor.

FEMALE: All clear.

But the male has a bit of a harder time...

MALE: Ma'am... it appears that I'm stuck.



FEMALE: Oh, for Christ's sake.

The female grabs the male around the waist (it's a low ceiling) and manages to pull him down... on top on her.

MALE: Uh, I'm flattered, Miss Glab, but I already have a girlfriend.

FEMALE: (annoyed) Get off, Kroker!

With much force, the female kicks what appears to be KIF off of her and sends him flying into the wall. Which makes it reasonable enough for one to assume that the female is really YIANNA GLAB, Ambassador of DOOP.

KIF: Why are we hiding from the guards? You do own and represent the DOOP military.

YIANNA: That still does not excuse me from not axing Toronga Sheecera whether we can search out her ship or not. (Starts feeling the walls again)

KIF: Oh. (PAUSE) Why are we searching Leela's ship? Why _did_ you drag me from my DOOPly duties of caring for Zapp Brannigan hand and foot... (thinks about this) Have I told you that I love you?

Yianna ignores the compliment. She doesn't answer him for awhile, and continues to feel the walls. Kif shrugs and does the same on the other side of the corridor.

YIANNA: I found something, Kroker. Something that may change everything.

KIF: Everything, Miss Glab?

YIANNA: Yes. My position as DOOP's Military Ambassador, your job under Brannigan...

KIF: This is a bad thing because...?

YIANNA: (stops searching) I'll be frank with you, Kif. If this is what I think it is, our species is in danger of being rediscovered. (Hesitates) I think this is a Siõe ship.

Kif bursts out laughing, and Yianna's taken aback. She grabs her fellow Gray by the shoulders, swings him around to stare him in the eyes, and shakes him violently.

YIANNA: God DAMN it! This is serious! Do you know what could happen to us if this is really what I think it is?!

KIF: (startled) Sorry... but the _Siõe ship_. Yianna, that's a story they told us as kids to shut us up and get us to sleep.

YIANNA: You really don't believe this is it? Or are you just hoping?

KIF: With the way you're acting, I don't know what to think.

Enraged, Yianna slams him into the wall. As his body meets metal, the wall beneath him glows an eerie bright blue. The two stare at it for a few seconds, then Kif scrambles out of Yianna's grasp. The light disappears as soon as he stops touching the wall.

YIANNA: I told you, didn't I? Didn't I say this was the ship?



SCENE 6

EXT BIOLOGICA XI- LATER

The PE ship flies towards a green planet. Really green... like, full-of-life green.

CUT TO- LAUNCH/LANDING PAD

The ship hoovers gracefully above the pad. But not for long. Without it's landing legs, it stops hoovering for no apparent reason and crashed onto the pad, bounces a few times, then finally stops.

LEELA: (VO) Uh... maybe I should land the ship from now on.

FRY: (VO) Awwww.

CUT TO- BIOLOGICA XI LABS- EXAMINATION ROOM

The room looks very much like a humane shelter, except for a lack of unhappy animals stuck in cramped cages. On the contrary, one wall of the room is lined with giant cages, only which a few are filled. There's a playpen in one corner, where an odd looking green gorilla with feathery, yellow wings is playing with some stuffed animals (well, if you consider tearing their limbs off and throwing them about the playpen "playing"). Bent over a medical table, examining what appears to be a Plopper with webbed feet and shaggy hair, is a rather familiar looking woman. Dangling from her neck is an odd amethyst necklace. She's a few years older, but nonetheless, it's...

ROSA: Come on, hold still! I'm not gonna hurt you. I just wanna see your insides a bit... no! Don't jump off the ruddy table! !Ay caramba! You stupid animal!

She scowls and starts curing vividly in Spanish as she crawls behind the medical table, searching for the... well, thing. A young man, not much older than her, walks in and watches her for a few moments. He looks sort of like Tom Green.

CHAD: Uh, Rosa, hon? Miss Sheecera's shipment is here.

ROSA: (getting up) Oh, good. What's in this one?

CHAD: (checking a list) Uh... two Tiraffe cubs. One was injured... fell off a cliff. The other's also hurt... something fell off a cliff and onto him.

ROSA: Tell them to bring them in here.

CHAD: 'K. (Starts to leave, then turns around) Oh, by the way, I found something interesting on the bathroom sink that you might be able to explain to me...

SFX: KNOCKING

ROSA: (gets down on all fours again) Chad, sweetheart, could you go and get that for me? I have to look for that stupid creature...

CHAD: (annoyed) Fine.

He goes off, and we're left staring at a searching Rosa for a few moments. As she crawls across the floor, she runs into a crate that seems to come out of nowhere. Inside she can hear a duet of pitiful moans and mews. She glances up and is immediately greeted with the sight of an adorable cyclops toddler sitting on the crate. Her mood switches from disgruntled biologist to maternal woman in moments.

ROSA: Ohhhhh, he is so CUTE! (Ruffles his hair) So, does he come with the package?

BENDER: (OS) Sure. Free of charge!

FRY: (OS) Shut up.

Rosa glances over at the two deliverers. She eyes the robot suspiciously.

ROSA: You seem... oddly familiar...

BENDER: Up yours, skintube!

ROSA: I know! I saw you in Tijuana a few years back! You were with that obese robot on the streets...

FLASHBACK- TIJUANA- YEAR 3000

Rosa's in an open bar, drinking tequila, when she overhears a commotion outside. She glances behind her and sees FATBOT (of Mars University fame) and Bender in the middle of a crowd. Fatbot's lying on his back, moaning in pain.

BENDER: C'mon, you big baby. It's not _that_ bad!

FATBOT: My... my circuts! I can't feel my circuts! The virus... I've frozen up! AAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

BENDER: Don't worry about it. We'll figure out something.

CUT TO- TIJUANA STREET- AN HOUR LATER

Fatbot's suspended a few feet off the ground with a rope attached to some random building's rooftop. There's a long line in front of him, and two children are directly beneath him, holding baseball bats. Bender's taking cash. Rosa's watching with pure interest, and yeah, a bit of disgust.

BENDER: Mujers y hombres! Muchachos de todos anos! I've got here the biggest pinata in the whole damn country, just waiting for you to have a whack! Five pesos a swing! Hear him scream at no extra charge!

END FLASHBACK

BENDER: Yeah, those were the days...

ROSA: Riiight. (Turns to Fry) And what about y...

She stops and gaps. Which looks really strange when she holds the same face for about ten seconds straight.

FRY: Um... we'll just leave now...

ROSA: No, wait... Philip? Philip Fry?



FRY: Yeah?

ROSA: You don't recognize me... oh my God, I should have known!

FRY: What?

ROSA: Remember that little Hispanic girl that used to babysit Matthew?

Fry stares blankly at her.

FRY: Uh...

ROSA: Her brother froze you unintentionally?

FRY: *blink* Ohhhhh! _that_ kid. Yeah, I remember. Wait, what are _you_ doing here?

ROSA: I had myself frozen when I was 24.

FRY: Right... (awkward) I sort of thought you'd be... you know, dead.

ROSA: *shrugs* I didn't like the 21st Century...

FRY: No, not from that.

PAUSE

ROSA: (realizing) Oh, right. That night...

There's an awkward silence.

BENDER: So, where do you want the package?

ROSA: Oh, just put it on that table over there.

CUT TO- TABLE

On the table (different from the medical table) there sits a rather familiar looking cage with two rather familiar looking mice in it. One of them is tall, slender, and running around in the exercise wheel like an idiot. The other is short, with an incredibly large head, and is sitting in front of a mini blackboard covered in equations.

DINKY: (in the exercise wheel) Hey, Mind. What are we going to do tonight?

MIND: The same thing we do every night, Dinky. Try to take over the galaxy! But how... (thinks) wait! Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

DINKY: I think so, Mind. But how are we going to find the time to build a doomsday device to destroy that gigantic box coming our way?

MIND: Box?

SFX: SLAM

The Tiraffe box comes out of nowhere and crushes the cage. As well as the mice.



BENDER: Another job well done!

MIND: (muffled) Ohhh, my brain... my beautiful brain...

CUT TO- PREVIOUS SHOT

Rosa grapples for her purse as she scowls at the box. Aaron's no longer on it (obviously) so Fry's carrying him. Easier said than done, because Aaron keeps yanking his hair.

ROSA: (sarcastic) Well, you just crushed my two lab rats. I suppose I have to pay you for that, too, huh?

BENDER: It would help.

She sighs and dishes the money to Bender, who pockets it in his chest cavity.

FRY: Hey, Rosa? (yank) Ow! Uh, if you're not busy X-Mas Eve (yank) OW! Uh, do you want to come to our co... (tug) Ouch! Company party? You know, just to (pull) OW!! Talk? Aaron, kiddo, stop it.

AARON: (laughs) Dada owie!

ROSA: And you want me to come because...

FRY: (awkward) Well... you were frozen 13 years after me... and a lot happens in 13 years...

There's a pause as this sinks into Rosa, as she puts two-and-two together...

ROSA: (gently) Yeah, I guess I could come. Can I bring my husband?

FRY: (blank) You're married?

ROSA: (indignant) Yes! He's the guy that let you in.

FRY: Oh, uh, sure. Whatever.

BENDER: C'mon skintube!

FRY: Alright, alright! Bye Rosa. Nice seeing you.

ROSA: Ditto.

The deliverers leave, and Rosa sags against the medical table. Chad comes back in, holding a small, peculiar little box...

CHAD: Uh, Rosa, honey, this isn't _yours_, is it?

ROSA: (glances at it uneasily) Uh... no, 'course not. I think it's the intern's.

CHAD: (suspicious) Oh. Right...

He leaves, and Rosa sighs in relief. She feels for a cup of strong coffee and chugs it down

CHAD: (OS) You might want to tell her congrats, then, 'cause it's positive.



Rosa's eyes go wide as she chokes on the coffee.



SCENE 7

INT DOOP HANGER- NNY, NNY

Kif and Yianna have now exited the Cerca and are jabbering excitedly to one another. Mind you, being excited doesn't mean that their necessarily pleased.

KIF: (ill) Oh... my.... creators...

YIANNA: Our creators indeed...

KIF: That _can't_ be the Siõe ship, it just can't be! It was supposed to have been destroyed in the Great War!

YIANNA: Yeah, well, so were we.

Yianna continues towards her office, leaving Kif in his tracks, scared stiff. After a moment's passing, he races to catch up with her.

KIF: Miss Glab, wait! What if someone else _does_ find out? You don't think they'd... (does a "slit-our-throats" motion) *gulp* do you?

Yianna just stares at him.

YIANNA: I hope not, Kif. But it's quite possible. That, or banishment from earth.

PAUSE

KIF: I... I'd die if that happened. Banned from my home? Cut off from my Amy... (urgent) Yianna, we _must_ destroy this ship!

YIANNA: Yeah? How? The ship's not made of metal, we both know that. There's no way to kill it off without someone noticing! And even if there were, how do you think Ms. Sheecera would react, knowing we'd destroyed her father's ship...

KIF: BUT IT'S NOT HER FATHER'S SHIP!

His words echo around the hanger for some time, and Yianna slaps a hand over his mouth.

YIANNA: Shush! There are still other people here!

JANITOR: (OS) Hey, is everything alright, Ambassador Glab?

YIANNA: (strained) Yes, Mr. Castle. We're just in a bit of a heated discussion at the moment. Don't mind us.

CUT TO- SHOT OF JANITOR

We can see the back of the janitor, and a distant view of Kif, Yianna and the Cerca. The janitor nods.



JANITOR: Oh, I won't, Ambassador.

Yianna nods in agreement, then grabs Kif by the arm and drags him off into her office. The janitor turns around and grins evilly. And why not? He's only the notorious DAVID CASTLE from the first part of _some_ trilogy being written (*cue dramatic musical score*)...

DAVID: I sure won't... (does an evil Sideshow Bob-ish laugh)



SCENE 8

CUT TO- PE BUILDING- CONFERENCE ROOM- AT THAT MOMENT

We get a shot of a stack of resumes being held by the two ageing hands of the professor.

FARNSWORTH: Now, remind me why you're interested in this particular company, Mr., uh...

JITAN: Er, Bondi, sir. Jitan Bondi.

Farnsworth lowers the papers to stare "Bondi" in the eye. It's none other than... *dun dun dunnn* THE MYSTERIOUS NUMBER 9 MAN!!!! His robes are currently lacking that giant number 9, though. Up close, we can see he's tall. Really tall. And his voice is soft and pleasant, with a tinge of an English accent (guest voice: Pierce Brosnan).

JITAN: (CONT) But everyone just calls me Jitan.

FARNSWORTH: Right, right... Jitan.

JITAN: I was just looking for a place to start off small, and I... (lowers his voice and leans in towards Farnsworth) I heard through the grapevine that this was the _best_ place to go for a corporate ladder to climb.

FARNSWORTH: (flattered) Oh my, really? Us? Best of something? Well, we _could_ use a new janitor, what with Scruffy being gone for years now... congratulations, Mr. Bondi, you're a hired man!

The two shake hands, Jitan beaming from ear to ear.

JITAN: Oh, thank you, sir. Rest assure, I won't let you down!

ZOIDBERG: (OS, entering) Did I just hear the word "azure", as in the color blue, as in the color of the ocean, as in the home of thousands of scrumptious appetizers?

FARNSWORTH: (thinking) No... no, I don't believe we said anything of the sort...

Zoidberg glances at Jitan, takes a sniff of the air, then lets out he most horrific, hilarious crustacean-scream imaginable. He stares at Jitan madly, babbling in his foreign language.

JITAN: (somewhat calm) Is he _always_ like this?

ZOIDBERG: YOU! You... you are not human!

JITAN: I beg your pardon?



ZOIDBERG: You are some suspicious freak thingy from the depths of our most terrifying nightmares! (To Farnsworth) Terrifying, I say! (PAUSE) AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

He runs out of the room in a fit. The professor and the new janitor stare at the spot where the doctor once was, then turn to one another.

JITAN: You know, he'd make a good side dish.

FARNSWORTH: Oh my, yes. You know, I have a recipe that I've been saving just for him...

SFX: SHIP LANDING

FARNSWORTH: Oh good, they're back. Now they can help me cook the poor bastard! (Rubs his hands together earnestly)

Bender and Amy come off the ship and immediately notice Jitan. Amy gives him a friendly wave, while Bender gives him... the "birdie".

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! Now that Scruffy is presumably dead, all of his pornographic posters down in the basement now belong to me! Oh, and we have a new janitor.

JITAN: (shakes Amy's hand) Jitan Bondi's the name. And you must be the lovely Miss Amy Wong. I hear you're quite an expert in the field of mechanics.

AMY: (blushing) Oh, it's nothing, really. Just... just something I picked up...

BENDER: Was that _before_ or _after_ you got picked up by all your professors?

JITAN: And _you_ must be Bender, the cook.

BENDER: Up yours, meatbag!

JITAN: (amused) Meatbag... hmmm, must remember that one. (Glances towards the ship) And this must be... yes, the famous Miss Sheecera, am I correct?

LEELA: (descending from the ship, holding Aaron) Um, yeah, I guess.

AMY: This is the new janitor, Mr. Bondi.

LEELA: Hello there. (Calling) Hey Phil, come down here. The professor hired a new janitor.

BENDER: (mocking) Hey Philly, come on down so we can do kissy stuff to impress the new guy with our "pure, undying love".

LEELA: What's up with you?

AMY: (whispering) I think he's PVSing.

BENDER: (overly-emotional) I am _not_ going through Pre-Viral-Scanning and you know it! Just leave me alone!

Bender breaks into sobs and hurries from the room.



FRY: (joining them) Hey. So... you're the new janitor. I'm Fry.

JITAN: Call me Jitan. (PAUSE) So, after a delivery, what do you all usually do?

FARNSWORTH: (OS) Oh crew! The water's boiling, and I need some help escorting the good doctor into it.

ZOIDBERG: (OS) I don't care what you're putting in that pot! I refuse to get in unless you make it a _bubble_ bath!

AMY: (to Jitan) We usually keep the sanity up to standards.

JITAN: Of course.



That was part one. Part two should be up in a few weeks.




 


 

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