REVIVAL OF PROJECT A.L.B.I.A. Part 2- X-Mas Party
CUT TO- SHOT OF PE BUILDING
In a single scene we witness how the month progresses until the building is
covered in snow and X-Mas lights are decorating all the structures on the streets
(as well as "Go Away Santa" signs).
TEXT: December 24th, 3004
INT- APARTMENT 1I- LEELA (AND KILYNA'S) BEDROOM- AFTERNOON
After the destruction of Leela's house in The Fugitive,
she's moved back into her plain, cramped apartment 1I. It's even more cramped,
though, now that KILYNA has become her roommate. Kily looks much different now;
he hair's been cropped to shoulder-length and is noticeably a few shades of
purple lighter than Leela's. Her clothes aren't in tatters anymore, and she's
lost the lipstick. The two are in their room, stuffing suitcases full of clothes
and X-Mas presents.
KILYNA: Now, explain to me again why we're staying
LEELA: Because if we don't, Santa will come from
the depths of the night and strike us down in a terrifying man hunt. That, and
I don't have to cook for once.
KILYNA: (indignant) I'm learning, okay?
LEELA: They've been holding gatherings like this
since long before Philip's time.
KILYNA: So they had killer robots back in the 20th
LEELA: No. He said it used to a lot more peaceful
KILYNA: Must have been nice.
LEELA: Yeah... all that unintelligence and lack
of interest in kill-o-matic robots. Ignorance must be bliss after all.
PLANET EXPRESS- LATE AFTERNOON
The sun is beginning to set on New New York, and
people throughout the streets are racing towards their homes in an effort to
make it to their havens before Santa strikes. Rosa and Chad are calmly walking
down the street towards PE.
CUT TO- ROSA & CHAD
CHAD: (disgruntled) Why do we have to spend X-Mas
ROSA: Because Philip invited us, and I'm sure he's
like to know what he missed out on for 12 years. Besides, our house still smells
CHAD: Well, maybe it wouldn't still smell if you'd
told me sooner that you were... you know...
ROSA: I never told you we had to repaint the room
as soon as you found out I was pregnant. That was _your_ idea.
The two reach the door.
ROSA: Chad, just promise me you won't make a huge
jackass of yourself tonight.
Rosa knocks on the door and Jitan promptly opens
JITAN: Hello there... (trails off)
ROSA: (eyes wide) You BASTARD!
She immediately slugs him, and the janitor goes
JITAN: (OS) Nice to see you too, Rosita.
ROSA: (seething) Thought you'd be burning in hell
by now. Where have you been hiding, hmmm? Not a lot of places a traitor like
you can be obscure...
CHAD: (cautious) Uh... I think I'll go inside now.
(To Jitan) Nice knowing you for those few brief seconds.
Chad quickly slips inside, leaving Rosa and Jitan
(who's since gotten up) out in the cold. The two stare at one another, unable
JITAN: Um, well, you look nice, Rosa. How's life
been for you?
ROSA: Shut up. (PAUSE) What you did was cruel.
No one ever forgave you for that.
ROSA: (CONT) If Ali or Lis or Tammy... hell, if
_Toby_ was still alive, he'd have kicked your ass to high heaven and back.
JITAN: (calm) *Sigh* It's what they wanted...
ROSA: (dangerously low) No, it's what _you_ wanted.
You couldn't _stand_ the idea of your children being murdered, so you did the
dirty work yourself.
There's a very pregnant pause here. Jitan shifts
ROSA: So... can I come in?
JITAN: Of course.
Rosa pushed past him and storms into the building
in a huff. Jitan watches her sadly for a few minutes, before heading in after
CUT TO- OBSERVATORY
Chad is standing in room, awkwardly, as he watches
the gang is putting up various X-Mas decoration around the entire building,
let alone the hanger. LaBarbara, Hermes, Cubert and Dwight are putting up lights
around the room, Farnsworth, Leela and Fry are setting up a helluva lot of barbed
wire around the fire place ("Farnsworth: We won't make the same mistake five
times in a row!"), and Bender, Amy and Zoidberg are dressing up the giant X-Mas
tree (Amy using her jetpack, Bender using his extendo-arms, and Zoidberg...
well, Zoidberg's just eating the ornaments. Kily's watching Aaron.
KILYNA: (picking up Aaron) No, Aaron, you can't
open the presents yet... Nibbler, STOP EATING THEM!
Nibbler ignores her and continues to gnaw on a
tiny box next to Zoidberg. The crustacean glances down at him.
ZOIDBERG: Hello, what is this?
ZOOM IN on the present's tag to reveal that it
says To Dr. Zoidberg on it.
ZOIDBERG: *Gasp* That's _my_ present, you ignoramus
of a land mammal! (Grabs the present from Nibbler) It might be a new hat for
my slinky, maybe. (Crams the box into his mouth and gobbles it noisily). Nope.
Oh well... wait, maybe _this_ present has it! (Grabs another and eats it)
Rosa and Jitan enter and join Chad.
ROSA: (presenting their gift) Hi Philip...
Zoidberg grabs and proceeds to eat the present.
CHAD: (glaring at Zoidberg) Uh, hello there.
ZOIDBERG: (gnawing on the bow) Aloha.
FRY: Hey, Rosa! Cool, you made it.
CHAD: (SOTTO) Unfortunately... (Rosa elbows him)
ROSA: *Ahem* This is my husband, Chad. You met
him at the lab. And these people are...
FRY: (eager to introduce) The dreadlock guy is
Hermes, that's his family over there, he's sort of our manager; the girl in
the jetpack's Amy; you know Bender; Jitan...
ROSA: (dry) We've already met.
LEELA: Hi, I'm Leela...
BENDER: (finishing) ...Fry's bitchy, one-eyed lover.
LEELA: (to Bender) Don't you have some cooking
BENDER: I need to be charged first.
Leela sighs and grabs some beer from OS. Bender
whoops in approval and wanders off.
LEELA: Well, I'm sorry the robot's being such a
ROSA: Oh, not to worry. (Loudly) I'm sure a reliable
janitor such as Jitan can "fix him good".
Jitan looks like he might say something in his
defense, but bites his tongue and also wanders out of the room.
From behind a stack of X-Mas presents, Nibbler
watches with vast interest.
CUT TO- PE KITCHEN- UNDER THE TABLE- LATER
Okay, if you see a character's name with the word
[language] next to it, that means their speaking in Gibberish (or their native
language), but the translation is written out on the "screen" of the "TV" in
"English". And first to test out this feature is Nibbler, who's mumbling quietly
to a portable, mini-tele-communicator under the table.
NIBBLER ([Nibblianish]): Something's going on,
I can sense it. This new "Jitan" character is very suspicious, and the fact
that Fry's new friend is connected with him in some way worries me.
FEMALE NIBBLONIAN: ([Nibblionish]) You're keeping
an eye on the new janitor, I assume?
NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): Of course I am! I overheard
an argument between him and this "Rosa" girl... apparently, he's killed his
FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): Oh my... what about
NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): She appears to be from
the 21st Century, not unlike Fry. But she was frozen through her
own choice, not by one of our fleet.
FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): Of course.
NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): Fry seems interested in
her past. For the past two hours, they've been sitting in the employee lounge,
discussing his family.
FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): Completely understandable.
So she's no threat then?
NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): Not as of yet.
FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): And your original mission?
How is that working?
NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): It's about to become a
hell of a lot more simple. They've been looking for their own place since their
engagement, and having Fry in the same household as Leela will make everything
much easier. Though up until now, I haven't had much to protect the man from...
FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): Well, keep the good
work up. Remember, the fate of the entire universe lies in that screwed up brain
The miniature screen goes blank, and Nibbler scurries
to his bed in the corner of the room, shoving the communicator under his blanket.
And not a moment too soon...
AMY: (entering) I'm SO glad you came!
KIF: (following her in) Are you _sure_ that your
parents aren't coming?
AMY: Of course I am! I told them I was going to
Becky's fraternity party and possible become impregnated by one of the cricket
stars. They were thrilled, of course.
KIF: Of course.
AMY: I don't know what their problem is. I mean,
they picked you out in the first place.
KIF: (SOTTO) Yeah... God only knows...
AMY:(sly) They won't be here all night.
AMY: And I doubt anyone'll be on the ship...
CUT TO- EMPLOYEE LOUNGE
Fry and Rosa are lounging on the couch, talking.
In the background, Kif and Amy sneak past the doorway, giggling.
FRY: ... wait wait wait, so he was a complete nerd?
ROSA: He wasn't a _nerd_, he was just too smart
for his own good. Poor kid was in the 8th grade by the time he was
ten. Well, I wouldn't call him poor, actually. He was pretty popular for a brain.
The only weird thing about him was that he carried around this stupid little
clover wherever he went. (Laughs) You know, he actually had Matt believing that
that plant of his gave him good luck?
FRY: (suddenly) I tried to come back.
ROSA: Come again?
FRY: That night I came back to the future, when
that blonde guy attacked you and Tony, the blue warp-thingy sort of dissolved
when I came out of it. And I tried to go back the next night, to see if you
were okay, and it wouldn't work... (trails off)
ROSA: Yeah, I know. Antoni tried the same thing.
FRY: He did?
ROSA: Oh yeah. Heh, that was one hell of a night,
no doubt about that... (fades out)
FRY: (cautious) What happened that night, anyway?
Rosa fidgets nervously on the couch, suddenly interested
in her shoes.
ROSA: Well, it was really weird, but after you
got pushed into the Blue Streak...
FLASHBACK- CRYOGENICS LABS- 2000
ROSA: (VO) You were just about to leave, when Antoni
decided to spill the beans on this "secret" organization we belonged to...
ANTHONY: Rosa, Sandy and I are a part of a secret
organization that Dave's trying to bring down.
FRY: Organization? You mean engineering?
ANTHONY: Forget about the robots for a second,
'K?! It's a top secret government project. It's code-named PROJECT AL...
The once closed door crashes to the floor, and
David storms in, fully loaded. Rosa shrieks and without hesitation, Tony shoves
Fry into the vortex. David's eyes bulge at this new... thing (sorry, ran out
of synonyms for wormhole), but then narrow.
DAVID: Another one of your games, eh Tony? Well,
I've got one for you and Rosa to play. (Raises his gun) It's called "tag".
He fires, but not at any person. The bullet goes
straight through the vortex, which starts humming angrily, before turning an
acid green. A pause, and the vortex explodes into an infinite amount of green
particles that fade away in a matter of seconds. Anthony just stares at the
spot where the Blue Streak once was.
ANTHONY: (stunned) It's gone... (to David) You
f--ing BLEW IT UP!
YOUNG ROSA: You bastard!
Without hesitation, David shoots Rosa. She collapses
in a heap.
DAVID:(aims at Tony) And now, it's your turn.
Tony shoots an anxious glance towards the 12-year-old
Rosa, who's curled up in a little ball, whimpering. David inches closer until
the gun is digging into Anthony's skull. He takes in a sharp breath, waiting
for the worst.
DAVID: Why didn't you listen to me? I told you
it wasn't worth all the trouble... all the pain.
ANTHONY: But you're the one _causing_ the pain.
This project would be completely harmless without you and your cronies as a
DAVID: You don't know that. You have no idea what
they're capable of! (PAUSE) I'm just sorry it had to end this way.
David's eyes narrow as he cocks the gun...
ANTHONY: No you're not.
David's glare loses some of it's fierceness, and
the gun in his grasp lowers slightly. He stares at Anthony hard for a few seconds,
then throws the gun aside.
DAVID: This is the last time I spare you, Tony
(runs out of the room).
ROSA: (VO) I know Tony could have gone after him
and caught him, but David had left one minor detail for him to sort out...
Anthony turns his attention back to Rosa and kneels
down next to her, looking her over.
ANTHONY: Rosita, you okay?
Y. ROSA: (slurred) Lucky bastard... he never shoots
ANTHONY: (ignoring her) I have to go find phone...
call 911. I'll be back in two seconds, I promise, okay?
Y. ROSA: Why doesn't he shoot you?
ANTHONY: I'll be back soon. Just stay awake.
Y. ROSA: He _likes_ you...
ROSA: So of course, David got away, and I ended
up in the ER again.
FRY: And you never found out why he did it in the
ROSA: Oh, we knew _why_ he was doing it. It was
just a matter of figuring out when he'd strike.
FRY: So... why _did_ he do it?
ROSA: (awkward) Uh... erm... well... it's sort
of a long story...
FRY: I've got time.
HERMES: (bursting in) Mail's here!
CUT TO- EMPLOYEE LOUNGE- LATER
Everyone is gathered in the room, waiting expectantly
as Hermes passes out their letters. Rosa and Chad hang back from this gathering
of the crew, merely outsiders looking in...
HERMES: Lessee, one for the bad doctor...
ZOIDBERG: Hurray! I've been remembered... (checks
the envelope) by the IRS!
HERMES: ...professor, here's yours...
Farnsworth opens the first one and reads it aloud.
FARNSWORTH: "To the low-life bastard who killed
my father..." What in God's name? Oh, I see, it's from that mutated family of
parakeets I experimented on. How nice of them.
HERMES: ...Amy, Fry, Leela, a whopping stack of
cards for Bender...
BENDER: Let me see. (Opens one) Aw... I got one
from mommy again. (Reading with complete adoration) "Dear son, you have yet
to pay back all your loans. If you fail to do so by New Years, I will be forced
to call the authorities. Merry X-Mas, Your Biological Mother." Awww, she's so
sweet when she's angry.
AMY: (reading over his shoulder) Wait, there's
BENDER: Huh? (Reading) "PS, to get my point across,
this is a letter bo..."
CUT TO- EXT. SHOT OF PE
All is quiet at the PE front, until...
The building is briefly illuminated from the inside,
and smoke begins to seep out from the cracks in the walls.
CUT TO- PREVIOUS SHOT
Everyone is covered in smoke, their hair disheveled,
and the spot where Bender was standing is singed.
BENDER: He he he, good ol' mom.
Everyone glares at Bender. Everyone but Fry, who's
more concerned with his own stack of X-Mas cards. He checks them over thoroughly
as he wanders out of the room, muttering to himself. It's almost as though he
never witnessed any explosion at all. Leela watches him leave the room curiously.
CUT TO- PE SHIP- FRY & LEELA'S QUARTERS
Fry's sitting on the edge of their bed, going through
the X-Mas cards absent-mindedly, like he's making sure they're all there. Leela
appears in the doorway and stares at him for a moment.
Fry jumps and looks up sharply at Leela.
FRY: Oh. Hi.
LEELA: You okay? You seemed sort of... dazed.
FRY: Yeah, I'm fine.
LEELA: Who're the cards from?
FRY: (stuffing the cards under his pillow) Cards?
LEELA: (pointing at the pillow) Those cards.
FRY: Uh, nothing. Just Chri...(catches himself)
LEELA: Can I see them?
FRY: (awkward) I guess you could. They're just
He sheepishly hands them to Leela and watches cautiously
as she glances over the cards in puzzlement.
LEELA: You sent _yourself_ X-Mas cards?
FRY: (quickly) I always forget important stuff,
so I mail it to myself so I won't forget it. Like this one (takes a particularly
bulgy envelope from her), I never would have remembered to bring it, so I mailed
LEELA: Who's it for?
FRY: You. I was going to wrap it, but then it wouldn't
have fit in the envelope.
LEELA: What is it?
FRY: (hands it to her eagerly) Open it.
Leela carefully tears the envelope open and pours
out the contents into her hand. She gasps at the necklace she's now holding;
a small glass orb handing from a platinum chain, may seem simple enough, but
inside the orb is a spiral of reds, oranges and violets that is constantly changing
form (sort of like that mini-orb in Men In Black). She smiles at Fry and kisses
LEELA: It's beautiful! I love it!
FRY: Really? That's great! (Pause) I thought it
would... you know, go with your dress.
LEELA: (trying it on) Which one? That crimson one
I wore last week...
FRY: I meant your wedding dress.
LEELA: (Smiling) Yeah, it would go with it. (Pause)
Only three more months.
FRY: I know...
She takes his hand and squeezes it nervously. He
beams back and pulls her close to him.
FRY: I love you, Toronga.
LEELA: I love you too...
They kiss passionately; and so
begins the big, steamy love scene. Which of course, will soon be interrupted
by the big distraction...
INEZ: (OS) Where are they!?!?!
... and there it is.
Fry and Leela manage to untangle themselves just
as a fuming Mr. and Mrs. LEO and INEZ WONG storm past their doorway, a frazzled
CUT TO- PE SHIP- HALLWAY
HERMES: I swear to Jah, I 'ave no idea where da
LEO: You're in enough trouble as it is, Conrad,
not informing us of this "party".
LEELA: Hey, lay off! It's not Hermes' responsibility
to track your daughter's every move!
INEZ: You stay out of this, you lower-class, ignorant
Inez starts rapping on Amy's door furiously.
INEZ: Amy Tiu Wong, march yourself out of that
room right now!
There's no answer. Leo knocks on the door as well,
but to no avail. Angry, he opens the door. Inez shrieks and faints, Leo just
AMY: (OS) Uh, hi mom... dad...
KIF: (OS) Look, I can explain...
LEO: (fierce) Explain!?!? Yes, please do explain
what you're doing with my daughter!
AMY: (coming out with Kif) It's no big deal, okay?
We were still on first base.
LEO: It's not what base you were on, it's the fact
that you were playing! (To Kif) _Especially_ after I forbade _you_ from seeing
KIF: (nervous) I know you did... but I just couldn't...
LEO: Maybe you didn't hear me the first time clearly
enough. You are to never come near my daughter again, do you hear?
KIF: (ill) I... but sir...
Leo glares him down, and for a second, Kif shrinks
back. He looks at Amy, then seems to gather some courage.
KIF: I can't do that.
LEO: (eyes narrowing) You _what_?
KIF: (voice growing stronger) Sir, your daughter
is the BEST thing that's ever happened to me. For the first time, I have a reason
to enjoy life, and it's all because of her! I can't just ignore it, sir, I love
AMY: ...and I love him.
LEO: (flustered) Amy, you're coming home, now!
AMY: What? I'm not a little kid, you can't just
storm in here and drag me back to the ranch because you don't like my boyfriend.
Can't you just accept it and let us live our own lives?!
LEO: Don't you _dare_ talk back to me, young
AMY: I'M NOT A "YOUNG LADY" ANYMORE! I.
AM. A. GROWN. WOMAN!
The tension's filled the entire ship now. Fry and
Leela are watching from afar nervously, and Hermes has already begin to edge
towards the exit. Leo seems stunned beyond words.
LEO: Amy, I'm giving you one last change. Dump
the little green man, right here, right now, and come home with your mother
AMY: And if I don't?
LEO: Well, it's obvious to such a mature woman
such as yourself, isn't it? You no longer need us to take care of you, and if
you disobey our rules, we might as well disown you.
AMY: WHAT?! That's not fair! You can't make me
choose my love over my family!
LEO: Watch me.
Amy stands torn between Kif and her father. She
glances at him frantically, and he can merely shoot her a helpless look back.
KIF: Amy... no matter what you say, I'll still
Amy nods, closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath.
AMY: (quiet) I'm sorry, daddy.
Her father goes thin-lipped, but says nothing.
He quietly kneels down to revive Inez, who's still unconscious. She rises to
her feet weakly and has to be led out of the ship with her husband's help.
INEZ: What happened? We're leaving? What about
LEO: (not looking back) We have no daughter.
Amy's lip trembles and she runs back into her room.
Kif follows her, leaving Fry, Leela and Hermes to stare at the retreating Wongs
with awkward stares.
CUT TO- CONFERENCE ROOM- LATER
Fry, Leela, Bender, Farnsworth, Zoidberg, Hermes,
Rosa, Chad, LaBarbara, Dwight, Cubert, Nibbler (in Leela's lap), Aaron (in a
high chair next to Leela), Kilyna and Jitan are all gathered at the table, finishing
dinner in silence.
LEELA: Poor Amy. I don't know what I would have
done if _my_ parents had been like that.
BENDER: What do _you_ have to worry about? Your
ma and pop are dead, eyeball. (Kily glances at her plate) Hell, your whole species
is wiped out, so why worry?
A drumstick flies out of nowhere and bounces off
of Bender's head.
BENDER: Ha! That the best you can do?
Leela had better; she throws her chair at him,
which brings him down with ease.
FRY: (enthusiastic, grabbing his own chair) Chair
FARNSWORTH: Now, now, no more furniture throwing...
(Fry's chair hits him and sends him OS).
HERMES: Stop screwin' around, mon! Dis is serious.
Without da Wongs' support, our regular customers will diminish by... (mumbles
to self and counts on fingers) 0.26%!
KILYNA: That poor girl just had to choose between
her family and her lover, and you're calculating next quarter's profit?!
HERMES: You 'andle catastrophes in your way, and
I will in mine.
CHAD: (glancing out the window) Uh, hate to ruin
the moment even more, but it's about to get worse.
Everyone looks towards the window and screams.
Santa Bot is a few miles into town, already causing havoc.
HERMES: To the ship!
Everyone bolts for the hanger. Everyone except
for one person...
CHAD: Well, we had a lovely evening, but I think
it's time we got going...
ROSA: (grabbing her husband) Come ON!
CUT TO- PE SHIP- BRIDGE
Everyone( even Kif and Amy, the latter with her
eyes res and looking miserable) has gathered onto the bridge. Most of them look
relieved, save for Fry and Rosa. Throughout this scene, Santa's rampage can
be heard from outside.
FRY: I'll never get used to this.
The two scream and hit the floor. Everyone else
looks at them strangely.
FARNSWORTH: Well, the evening's been ruined, as
par usual. I'm going to get some rest. Or die in my sleep, whichever may occur
BENDER: Pleasant dreams! Don't forget to leave
out your will!
Suddenly, the destructive noises outside come to
a halt. Everyone glances around worriedly in this newfound silence.
SANTA: (muffled, OS) Hello? Is anyone home?
HERMES: (whispering) Don' answer it...
SANTA: (muffled, OS; in complete sarcasm) Oh, what
a pity. I guess I'll have to give this nice present to some other good little
ZOIDBERG: Present? Bring it on, baby!
He scurries out of the ship and towards the door.
Leela, Fry, Hermes and Bender all race after him.
ZOIDBERG: (opening the door) Gimmiegimmiegimmie!
From outside, a flame from an unseen source shoots
through the door, barely missing Zoidy's head. It does, however, convert his
Santa hat to singes. He glances at the ashes that now top his head and smiles.
ZOIDBERG: Ooh! A housewarming present from Santa!
Get it? Housewarming? (He chuckles)...
Bender and Leela slam the door shut and triple-bolt
it. Santa can be heard on the outside, banging fiercely on the door.
SANTA: (muffled, OS) Santa's stamping your naughty
asses on his List for eternity!
Everyone ignores Santa as they focus on their bigger
task. It takes all four humanoid (and robotic) figures to drag Zoidy back to
ZOIDBERG: (clinging to the PE ship doorframe) NO!
I must get my present! (To Bender) Robut, you understand! Make them feel my
BENDER: Cram it, lobster! (Smacks him and shoves
him into the ship)
SANTA: (muffled, OS) Damn it! Very well... on Cloak!
On Dagger! To the top of the roof of that nitroglycerin factory.
We hear Santa and his reindeer leave the property,
and everyone inside relaxes. Until...
CUBERT: This is so moronic! If everyone's so worried
about that stupid robot, then why don't we just destroy him?
DWIGHT: Shut up, mon.
KILYNA: (looking around) Wait... where's Aaron?
Everyone glances around as well. Aaron's disappeared
for the moment.
LEELA: Oh my God!
BENDER: Calm down, eyeball. The meatball's probably
snuck off the ship and fell into the basement or something. Or the oven... or
the fireplace... or Zoidberg's closet of sharp knives...
ZOIDBERG: They're _pointy-cutty-thingies_. Get
Leela's not listening; she, LaBarbara and Kily
are already off the ship, searching for Aaron.
FRY: Maybe he's still on the ship.
BENDER: (running towards his room) AUGH! My counterfeit
Bender disappears, curses a bit, and storms back
on the bridge, looking pissed. Hanging by his shirt collar in one of Bender's
hands is Aaron, who's clutching a large, flat, full-colored book. For some odd
reason, there's a variety of coins sticking to him.
BENDER: Your stupid kid was touching my stuff!
The paint on those coins was still drying, and now I gotta repaint 'em. Plus
they've got cyclops germs on them now!
Leela enters and sighs in relief when she sees
Bender. With no regard to his coins, she grabs Aaron in a tight bear hug.
LEELA: _There_ you are! What did mommy tell you
about wandering away like that?
AARON: (proudly) Buh!
He shows the book to Leela, then waves it in Fry's
FRY: You want me to read that? (Aaron nods as he
takes the book) Okay... "The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Nightmare
BENDER: Oh! Oh! Let me read it! That's my favorite
FRY: (handing it to him) What's it about?
LEELA: It's a revised version of "The Night Before
Bender goes up towards the window and stands before
his attentive audience.
BENDER: Gather 'round children, and I'll tell you
a tale. A tale of torture and misery beyond comprehension. A story of wits,
a story of love, a story of true, undying pain...
HERMES: Get to de point, tin mon!
BENDER: I'm getting, I'm getting! So allow me to
present to you "The Nightmare Before X-Mas":
"T'was the night before X-Mas and though it's a
shockNot a rodent was stirring, not even
"The boards were nailed over the chimney with careIn
hopes that old Santa would soon not be there
"The kiddies were nestled all snug in their bunksThinking
of candy and other such junk
(Aaron nestles himself between Leela and Fry, leaning
against is mom, eye drooping)
"And ma in her nightgown and I in my briefsHad
just settled down for a troublesome sleep
(Amy curls up next to Kif, still looking depressed.
He gives her a reassuring kiss on the forehead, and she smiles)
"When what to my wandering ears should be heardBut
a miniature sleigh striking dead a poor bird..."
Dwight and Cubert scream and cling to one another.
Everyone tries to get a glimpse of Santa's mayhem through the window, but it's
sort of hard when you're stuck inside a space ship. Bender scowls.
BENDER: Damn Santa... anyway:
"With a large metal driver so evil and quickI
knew in a moment it must be St. Nick
"I woke up the misses and gathered the kidsAnd
goodnight to our warm quiet beds did we bid
"For Santa was here, and we did hope and prayThat
the wicked old robot would rather not stay..."
CUT TO- PE SHIP- BRIDGE- LATER
"He spoke not a word, but went straight to his
workAnd filled all the stockings with the
bones of some jerk
(Nibbler and Rosa glance towards Jitan, who ignores
"And pressing the gas to the floor with his shoeAnd
giving a sneer, through the window he flew
"Though I heard him exclaim, as he flew out of
sight:'Merry X-Mas to all, and to all a
"I could not help by wonder how we had survivedThe
terror of Santa that had just driven by
(Rosa snuggles next to Chad, half asleep)
"So remember as you put the young ones to bedAnd
place on your pillow your exhausted head
(Fry drapes an arm around Leela's shoulders and
pulls her closer to him)
"That X-Mas comes by only one year a nightAnd
you should be thankful for those in your life."
(Kily glances over towards Leela and smiles to
Bender scowls and throws the book to the floor.
BENDER: I forgot about the crappy ending! Where's
all the bloodshed?
CUT TO- PE SHIP- LEELA AND FRY'S ROOM- REAL EARLY
Aaron's asleep in his crib, while Fry and Leela
are in their bed. Leela's lost amongst her dreams, her head resting on Fry's
shoulder. Fry, however, is awake, staring at the ceiling, his face expressionless.
He glances down at Leela, sighs, and turns to glance at two things on the bedside
table next to him; one, a digital clock, that's flashing 4:26 AM, and two, a
picture: the picture that he got from Anthony in BttP, to be exact. He stares
at it for a few moments, suddenly dispirited, then reaches under his pillow...
CUT TO- PE KITCHEN- AROUND 6 AM
Kif and Amy stumble into the kitchen, half asleep.
Bender is already at the stove, getting a pot of boiling water ready as he whistles
his favorite basketball theme.
AMY: (grumbling) At least _someone's_ happy today.
BENDER: What's not to be happy about? It's X-Mas
morning, and all the survivors'll be so thrilled that they lived through the
night, they won't mind me mugging them this afternoon. By the way, do you like
KIF: Not particularly...
BENDER: Good, 'cause that's all I'm making today.
I need to get rid of this baby before it rots.
He then proceeds to pull out the little grey egg
he stole from the Walion Museum and dump it into the pot. Kif stares at it for
a few seconds, blinks, then screams bloody murder.
CUT TO- PE SHIP- LEELA AND FRY'S ROOM- AT THAT
Leela stirs, awakened by the gray's screaming.
She murmurs to herself as she feels for Fry. Too bad Fry's gone...
LEELA: Mmmm... Philip? (PAUSE) Phil?
She sits up and glances around, but Fry's nowhere
to be found.
Of course, maybe that's because he's not at PE
CUT TO- RUINS OF OLD NEW YORK- CLOSE-UP OF A FUNNY,
GREY STONE- AT THAT MOMENT
At the foot of a peculiar rock, someone stands
an X-Mas card in the dirt, then slowly walks away.
CUT TO- X-MAS CARD- INSIDE
(The camera ZOOMS OUT as the rest of this scene
Printed neatly inside the card are several paragraphs
of unintelligible text; some parts running from ink blots, others damp from
water drops. The sender: Philip. The receiver: some guy named Yancy. As the
camera continues to zoom out of the card, it's all too apparent that the stone
isn't really a rock, but a crypt.
CUT TO- BIRD'S EYE VIEW OF SCENE
We get a clear shot of the cemetery now, and notice
that there's quite a few graves with X-Mas cards on them. On the outskirts of
the graveyard, Fry can barely be made out as he leans forward against the rusted
fence, staring at what's left of the friends and family he was torn from.
FRY: (whispering) Merry Christmas.
That's part two for you. Just for reference, that
VERY last scene was partially inspired by Astrozombie's Precious Memories. Part
3 will be up in... awhile.