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THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT AMY, CONCLUSION by Kryten

Leela (voice-over): Previously, on Futurama, the Proffessor's latest invention caused some unique problems for Amy.

Zoidberg (gravely): I'm afraid that the tests are positive; you're suffering from a terrible case of shell rot.

Leela (voice-over): Of course, that wasn't the real problem.

Prof: Well, Amy, the pill has seriously altered your body chemistry. You can now lift appromiximately forty metric tons, if you put your back into it.

Leela (voice-over): She wasn't adjusting well.

Amy: Oh god, I'm a freak.

Leela (voice-over): But it wasn't until later that we learned what the real problem was.

Prof: Well, I have good news. The strength pill should wear off by tomorrow morning! And when it does, she'll explode! (pause) Wait, why am I so cheerful?

Leela (voice-over): And now, the conclusion of "There's Something About Amy".

(Opening credits. Caption: "From the network that screwed us over for 'Malcolm in the Middle'")

(Interior, Planet Express)

Hermes: When is that lazy engineer gettin' here?

(Thundering footsteps are heard. The building shakes)

Leela: Oh, here she comes now.

(We see the view out the window. An enormous Godzilla-like creature with Amy's haircut is lumbering down the street. People are fleeing in abject terror.)

Announcer: This nightmare was brought to you by Soylent Cola. Made from the best folks on Earth.

(Amy awakens in her bed screaming)

Amy: Phew! Only a dream. Maybe I'm back to...

(She notices she's still ridiculously muscular)

Amy (sighing): Normal.

(Interior: PEX HQ)

Leela: What's this about exploding?

Prof: You see, the human body can't hold all that extra mass permanently. She's going to hit critical at 8:00 AM, and then she'll explode, most likely taking several city blocks with her.

Leela: Is there an antitidote?

Prof: Yes, but it'll take a few hours to make it.

Fry (at the phone): Bad news. I can't reach her. She's not answering her communicator.

Prof: Oh dear, this is bad. The paranoia must be kicking in.

Leela: Paranoia?

Prof: Why, yes! Surely you've noticed that she's been having uncontrolled mood swings.

Fry: I just thought it was her time of the month.

Prof (ignoring him): As she gets closer to critical, she'll become more and more mentally unstable. You have to stop her before she drives our insurance premiums up.

Leela: Okay, here's what we'll do. Fry, go see if she's back at her apartment. I'll take the aircycle and check her favorite hangouts. Bender, sit here on the couch and don't do anything.

Bender: Can do!

Leela: We'll rendezvous back here in three hours. By then, the Professor should have the antidote ready.

(Overhead view of Times Square Cubed, very crowded. Zoom in on Amy, wearing a heavy overcoat and looking disoriented and a litle freaked. She looks up at the enormous Tyrannotron 10000 holoscreen, where Morbo is interviewing Elzar, as promised in part 1)

Elzar: Now, if ya really want to kick yer Altairian rhino cutlet up a notch, you'll want to toss in a handful of capers before you use yer spice weasel.

Morbo: CAPERS GIVE MORBO HIVES.

Amy (delerious): Hive... gotta stop the Hive...

(She sets of towards the SQR(2) studio)

(Back at Planet Express)

Leela: Well, she wasn't at the Hip Joint, or Elzar's, or the Ultramarine Note, or the One Night Stand, or the Bisque Dictator, or Circuit Hovel, or the Googolplex, or the gym, or any of her other favorite spots.

Fry: And when I went to her apartment, her door was wide open, somebody had wrecked the furniture, and I found this.

(He holds Amy's wrist thingy, which looks it's been crushed.)

Bender (from the couch): Well, if you meatbags are finished wasting your time, I think I found her.

Leela (annoyed): You were sitting on your shiny metal ass the whole time. How did you find her?

Bender: A little thing called "TV".

(He indicates the screen, where Amy is holding Morbo and Elzar hostage)

Morbo: MORBO DEMANDS YOU RELEASE HIM IMMEDIATELY, PUNY EARTH FEMALE!!

Elzar: Uh, she ain't exactly puny. She did rip open that wall over there.

Amy: Now that I have the two of you, the Hive's designs on this planet are finished.

Morbo: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT... I MEAN, SILENCE YOUR FOOLISHNESS!!

Elzar: I have nothin' t'do with this guy.

Leela: We have to get over there. Professor, is the antidote ready?

Prof: Not quite.

Leela: I'll just have to stall her until it is.

Fry: No! She''ll break you in half and then she'll break the halves in half, and I don't want to tell you what she'll do with those halves!

Leela: I appreciate the concern, but if I can hold off forty gorillas, I shouldn't have a problem with Amy. Besides, she has no real fighting ability.

Bender: Well, I have faith in ya. Can I have your wrist-thingy?

(Leela shoots him an irritated look. Cut to the interior of the SQR(2) studios.)

Amy (holding Morbo in a headlock; she's no longer wearing the overcoat): Now, you'd better spill the invasion plans, or your head comes off, Hive scum!

Morbo: MORBO IS VERY ASHAMED OF WHAT HE HAS JUST DONE TO HIS PANTS.

(Leela, Fry, and Bender arrive on the aircycle, coming through the hole Amy ripped in the wall.)

Leela: Amy, stop! You're going to explode in less the an hour!

Bender: Hey, it's Elzar. Hey! It's me! Yer biggest fan!

Elzar: Aw no, it's that damn robot again. Hey, crazy lady, could ya do me a favor? Kill me first?

Amy (confused): Leela? You're working for the Hive?

Leela: Amy, the strength pill is messing up your brain chemistry. (whispering into her communicator) Professor, where's that antitode?

Prof: Almost finished. I'll have Hermes and Zoidberg get it to you.

Amy: You're lying! You're all serving the Hive! I challenge you to (sinister) Clawplach! (mimes clicking claws together menacingly)

Leela (into communicator) Professor, was there any of Zoidberg's male jelly in that pill?

Prof: Just a smidge.

Amy: RAARRGH!!! (jumps on top of Leela)

Fry: We gotta do something!

Bender: Right! I'll get the holocorder, you get the huge vat o'mud, an' we'll book time on.... ah, crap! Elzar's gettin' away! (Chasing after him) Hey! Elzar! I brought a engravin' tool! You c'n autograph my butt!

(Meanwhile, Leela has flipped Amy, sending her through another wall.)

Leela: I hate to do this, but...

(She aims her spin-kick at Amy's head, but it has no effect except to make Amy angrier. Leela has a lot more success with a low roundhouse to the back of Amy's knees, which knocks her off her feet. Amy lands hard on her back, but is up on her feet again in no time.

Leela: This isn't getting us anywhere. Where's that damn antidote?

(On cue, a second aircycle land next to Fry. Hermes gets off and hands Fry what looks like a tranquilizer rifle.)

Hermes: We got here as fast as we could, but that's the last time I let Zoidberg drive.

Zoidberg: You try to make better time in this traffic.

Hermes: Try to get a clear shot, Fry. I'd do it, but I'm a worse shot than Stevie Wonder's head on an arthritic rhino's body.

(Meanwhile, the fight continues. Leela temporarily has the upper hand.

Leela: Are you ready to give up?

Amy (having a brief flash of lucidity) ...Leela? Why do I want to hurt her... NO! You're part of the invasion force! You have to die!

(She lifts Leela up, and throws her into the wall. Leela, dazed, struggles to get up. Amy is holding a huge chunk of wall and is about to flatten Leela. Suddenly she stiiffens, and deflates back to her normal proportions.)

Amy (sane again): Uh, Leela? Why am I trying to kill you?

Hermes: Sweet baboon o' Rangoon, Fry. Ya pulled it off, mon!

Leela: With one problem.

Amy: What prob... AAAGGHH!! (She collapses under the slab of wall)

(Est. shot. Beth Zoltar Hospital. Cut to interior of a room in the hospital. Amy is in one of the beds with two broken legs, a broken left arm, and a bandaged head. The entire Planet Express Crew is here, as is Morbo)

Amy: ...So the doctors said I should be out in a week. Lucky for me that none of my major organs were injured. And that they were able to put them back in my body. Anyway, I'm sorry I went nuts and tried to kill all of you.

Leela: Considering you're the only one who got seriously hurt, I think we can forgive you.

Amy: So... can we be friends now?

Leela: Only if we're the best.

Morbo: THOUGH MORBO HAS AGREED TO DROP CHARGES, HE IS STILL SICKENED BY YOUR RIDICULOUS HUMAN EMOTIONS!

(Everyone laughs. Amy's laughter turns into an "ow" after a few seconds)

(closing credits)

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