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Officer 1BDI



In a single scene we witness how the month progresses until the building is covered in snow and X-Mas lights are decorating all the structures on the streets (as well as "Go Away Santa" signs).

TEXT: December 24th, 3004


After the destruction of Leela's house in The Fugitive, she's moved back into her plain, cramped apartment 1I. It's even more cramped, though, now that KILYNA has become her roommate. Kily looks much different now; he hair's been cropped to shoulder-length and is noticeably a few shades of purple lighter than Leela's. Her clothes aren't in tatters anymore, and she's lost the lipstick. The two are in their room, stuffing suitcases full of clothes and X-Mas presents.

KILYNA: Now, explain to me again why we're staying the night?

LEELA: Because if we don't, Santa will come from the depths of the night and strike us down in a terrifying man hunt. That, and I don't have to cook for once.

KILYNA: (indignant) I'm learning, okay?

LEELA: They've been holding gatherings like this since long before Philip's time.

KILYNA: So they had killer robots back in the 20th Century, too?

LEELA: No. He said it used to a lot more peaceful back then.

KILYNA: Must have been nice.

LEELA: Yeah... all that unintelligence and lack of interest in kill-o-matic robots. Ignorance must be bliss after all.


The sun is beginning to set on New New York, and people throughout the streets are racing towards their homes in an effort to make it to their havens before Santa strikes. Rosa and Chad are calmly walking down the street towards PE.


CHAD: (disgruntled) Why do we have to spend X-Mas here, babe?

ROSA: Because Philip invited us, and I'm sure he's like to know what he missed out on for 12 years. Besides, our house still smells toxic.

CHAD: Well, maybe it wouldn't still smell if you'd told me sooner that you were... you know...

ROSA: I never told you we had to repaint the room as soon as you found out I was pregnant. That was _your_ idea.

The two reach the door.

ROSA: Chad, just promise me you won't make a huge jackass of yourself tonight.

Rosa knocks on the door and Jitan promptly opens it.

JITAN: Hello there... (trails off)

ROSA: (eyes wide) You BASTARD!

She immediately slugs him, and the janitor goes down.

JITAN: (OS) Nice to see you too, Rosita.

ROSA: (seething) Thought you'd be burning in hell by now. Where have you been hiding, hmmm? Not a lot of places a traitor like you can be obscure...

CHAD: (cautious) Uh... I think I'll go inside now. (To Jitan) Nice knowing you for those few brief seconds.

Chad quickly slips inside, leaving Rosa and Jitan (who's since gotten up) out in the cold. The two stare at one another, unable to speak.

JITAN: Um, well, you look nice, Rosa. How's life been for you?

ROSA: Shut up. (PAUSE) What you did was cruel. No one ever forgave you for that.

JITAN: Rosa...

ROSA: (CONT) If Ali or Lis or Tammy... hell, if _Toby_ was still alive, he'd have kicked your ass to high heaven and back.

JITAN: (calm) *Sigh* It's what they wanted...

ROSA: (dangerously low) No, it's what _you_ wanted. You couldn't _stand_ the idea of your children being murdered, so you did the dirty work yourself.

There's a very pregnant pause here. Jitan shifts uncomfortably.

ROSA: So... can I come in?

JITAN: Of course.

Rosa pushed past him and storms into the building in a huff. Jitan watches her sadly for a few minutes, before heading in after her.


Chad is standing in room, awkwardly, as he watches the gang is putting up various X-Mas decoration around the entire building, let alone the hanger. LaBarbara, Hermes, Cubert and Dwight are putting up lights around the room, Farnsworth, Leela and Fry are setting up a helluva lot of barbed wire around the fire place ("Farnsworth: We won't make the same mistake five times in a row!"), and Bender, Amy and Zoidberg are dressing up the giant X-Mas tree (Amy using her jetpack, Bender using his extendo-arms, and Zoidberg... well, Zoidberg's just eating the ornaments. Kily's watching Aaron.

AARON: Pwezies!

KILYNA: (picking up Aaron) No, Aaron, you can't open the presents yet... Nibbler, STOP EATING THEM!

Nibbler ignores her and continues to gnaw on a tiny box next to Zoidberg. The crustacean glances down at him.

ZOIDBERG: Hello, what is this?

ZOOM IN on the present's tag to reveal that it says To Dr. Zoidberg on it.

ZOIDBERG: *Gasp* That's _my_ present, you ignoramus of a land mammal! (Grabs the present from Nibbler) It might be a new hat for my slinky, maybe. (Crams the box into his mouth and gobbles it noisily). Nope. Oh well... wait, maybe _this_ present has it! (Grabs another and eats it)

Rosa and Jitan enter and join Chad.

ROSA: (presenting their gift) Hi Philip...

Zoidberg grabs and proceeds to eat the present.

CHAD: (glaring at Zoidberg) Uh, hello there.

ZOIDBERG: (gnawing on the bow) Aloha.

FRY: Hey, Rosa! Cool, you made it.

CHAD: (SOTTO) Unfortunately... (Rosa elbows him)

ROSA: *Ahem* This is my husband, Chad. You met him at the lab. And these people are...

FRY: (eager to introduce) The dreadlock guy is Hermes, that's his family over there, he's sort of our manager; the girl in the jetpack's Amy; you know Bender; Jitan...

ROSA: (dry) We've already met.

FRY: Oh...

LEELA: Hi, I'm Leela...

BENDER: (finishing) ...Fry's bitchy, one-eyed lover.

LEELA: (to Bender) Don't you have some cooking to do?!

BENDER: I need to be charged first.

Leela sighs and grabs some beer from OS. Bender whoops in approval and wanders off.

LEELA: Well, I'm sorry the robot's being such a pain.

ROSA: Oh, not to worry. (Loudly) I'm sure a reliable janitor such as Jitan can "fix him good".

Jitan looks like he might say something in his defense, but bites his tongue and also wanders out of the room.

From behind a stack of X-Mas presents, Nibbler watches with vast interest.


Okay, if you see a character's name with the word [language] next to it, that means their speaking in Gibberish (or their native language), but the translation is written out on the "screen" of the "TV" in "English". And first to test out this feature is Nibbler, who's mumbling quietly to a portable, mini-tele-communicator under the table.

NIBBLER ([Nibblianish]): Something's going on, I can sense it. This new "Jitan" character is very suspicious, and the fact that Fry's new friend is connected with him in some way worries me.

FEMALE NIBBLONIAN: ([Nibblionish]) You're keeping an eye on the new janitor, I assume?

NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): Of course I am! I overheard an argument between him and this "Rosa" girl... apparently, he's killed his own young!

FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): Oh my... what about the girl?

NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): She appears to be from the 21st Century, not unlike Fry. But she was frozen through her own choice, not by one of our fleet.

FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): Of course.

NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): Fry seems interested in her past. For the past two hours, they've been sitting in the employee lounge, discussing his family.

FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): Completely understandable. So she's no threat then?

NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): Not as of yet.

FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): And your original mission? How is that working?

NIBBLER ([Nibblionish]): It's about to become a hell of a lot more simple. They've been looking for their own place since their engagement, and having Fry in the same household as Leela will make everything much easier. Though up until now, I haven't had much to protect the man from...

FEM. NIB. ([Nibblionish]): Well, keep the good work up. Remember, the fate of the entire universe lies in that screwed up brain of his.

The miniature screen goes blank, and Nibbler scurries to his bed in the corner of the room, shoving the communicator under his blanket. And not a moment too soon...

AMY: (entering) I'm SO glad you came!

KIF: (following her in) Are you _sure_ that your parents aren't coming?

AMY: Of course I am! I told them I was going to Becky's fraternity party and possible become impregnated by one of the cricket stars. They were thrilled, of course.

KIF: Of course.

AMY: I don't know what their problem is. I mean, they picked you out in the first place.

KIF: (SOTTO) Yeah... God only knows...

AMY:(sly) They won't be here all night.

KIF: Yeah?

AMY: And I doubt anyone'll be on the ship...



Fry and Rosa are lounging on the couch, talking. In the background, Kif and Amy sneak past the doorway, giggling.

FRY: ... wait wait wait, so he was a complete nerd?

ROSA: He wasn't a _nerd_, he was just too smart for his own good. Poor kid was in the 8th grade by the time he was ten. Well, I wouldn't call him poor, actually. He was pretty popular for a brain. The only weird thing about him was that he carried around this stupid little clover wherever he went. (Laughs) You know, he actually had Matt believing that that plant of his gave him good luck?

FRY: (suddenly) I tried to come back.

ROSA: Come again?

FRY: That night I came back to the future, when that blonde guy attacked you and Tony, the blue warp-thingy sort of dissolved when I came out of it. And I tried to go back the next night, to see if you were okay, and it wouldn't work... (trails off)

ROSA: Yeah, I know. Antoni tried the same thing.

FRY: He did?

ROSA: Oh yeah. Heh, that was one hell of a night, no doubt about that... (fades out)

FRY: (cautious) What happened that night, anyway?

Rosa fidgets nervously on the couch, suddenly interested in her shoes.

ROSA: Well, it was really weird, but after you got pushed into the Blue Streak...


ROSA: (VO) You were just about to leave, when Antoni decided to spill the beans on this "secret" organization we belonged to...

ANTHONY: Rosa, Sandy and I are a part of a secret organization that Dave's trying to bring down.

FRY: Organization? You mean engineering?

ANTHONY: Forget about the robots for a second, 'K?! It's a top secret government project. It's code-named PROJECT AL...


The once closed door crashes to the floor, and David storms in, fully loaded. Rosa shrieks and without hesitation, Tony shoves Fry into the vortex. David's eyes bulge at this new... thing (sorry, ran out of synonyms for wormhole), but then narrow.

DAVID: Another one of your games, eh Tony? Well, I've got one for you and Rosa to play. (Raises his gun) It's called "tag".

He fires, but not at any person. The bullet goes straight through the vortex, which starts humming angrily, before turning an acid green. A pause, and the vortex explodes into an infinite amount of green particles that fade away in a matter of seconds. Anthony just stares at the spot where the Blue Streak once was.

ANTHONY: (stunned) It's gone... (to David) You f--ing BLEW IT UP!

YOUNG ROSA: You bastard!

Without hesitation, David shoots Rosa. She collapses in a heap.


DAVID:(aims at Tony) And now, it's your turn.

Tony shoots an anxious glance towards the 12-year-old Rosa, who's curled up in a little ball, whimpering. David inches closer until the gun is digging into Anthony's skull. He takes in a sharp breath, waiting for the worst.

DAVID: Why didn't you listen to me? I told you it wasn't worth all the trouble... all the pain.

ANTHONY: But you're the one _causing_ the pain. This project would be completely harmless without you and your cronies as a threat.

DAVID: You don't know that. You have no idea what they're capable of! (PAUSE) I'm just sorry it had to end this way.

David's eyes narrow as he cocks the gun...

ANTHONY: No you're not.

David's glare loses some of it's fierceness, and the gun in his grasp lowers slightly. He stares at Anthony hard for a few seconds, then throws the gun aside.

DAVID: This is the last time I spare you, Tony (runs out of the room).

ROSA: (VO) I know Tony could have gone after him and caught him, but David had left one minor detail for him to sort out...

Anthony turns his attention back to Rosa and kneels down next to her, looking her over.

ANTHONY: Rosita, you okay?

Y. ROSA: (slurred) Lucky bastard... he never shoots you.

ANTHONY: (ignoring her) I have to go find phone... call 911. I'll be back in two seconds, I promise, okay?

Y. ROSA: Why doesn't he shoot you?

ANTHONY: I'll be back soon. Just stay awake.

Y. ROSA: He _likes_ you...


ROSA: So of course, David got away, and I ended up in the ER again.

FRY: And you never found out why he did it in the first place?

ROSA: Oh, we knew _why_ he was doing it. It was just a matter of figuring out when he'd strike.

FRY: So... why _did_ he do it?

ROSA: (awkward) Uh... erm... well... it's sort of a long story...

FRY: I've got time.

ROSA: Um...

HERMES: (bursting in) Mail's here!



Everyone is gathered in the room, waiting expectantly as Hermes passes out their letters. Rosa and Chad hang back from this gathering of the crew, merely outsiders looking in...

HERMES: Lessee, one for the bad doctor...

ZOIDBERG: Hurray! I've been remembered... (checks the envelope) by the IRS!

HERMES: ...professor, here's yours...

Farnsworth opens the first one and reads it aloud.

FARNSWORTH: "To the low-life bastard who killed my father..." What in God's name? Oh, I see, it's from that mutated family of parakeets I experimented on. How nice of them.

HERMES: ...Amy, Fry, Leela, a whopping stack of cards for Bender...

BENDER: Let me see. (Opens one) Aw... I got one from mommy again. (Reading with complete adoration) "Dear son, you have yet to pay back all your loans. If you fail to do so by New Years, I will be forced to call the authorities. Merry X-Mas, Your Biological Mother." Awww, she's so sweet when she's angry.

AMY: (reading over his shoulder) Wait, there's more.

BENDER: Huh? (Reading) "PS, to get my point across, this is a letter bo..."


All is quiet at the PE front, until...


The building is briefly illuminated from the inside, and smoke begins to seep out from the cracks in the walls.


Everyone is covered in smoke, their hair disheveled, and the spot where Bender was standing is singed.

BENDER: He he he, good ol' mom.

Everyone glares at Bender. Everyone but Fry, who's more concerned with his own stack of X-Mas cards. He checks them over thoroughly as he wanders out of the room, muttering to himself. It's almost as though he never witnessed any explosion at all. Leela watches him leave the room curiously.


Fry's sitting on the edge of their bed, going through the X-Mas cards absent-mindedly, like he's making sure they're all there. Leela appears in the doorway and stares at him for a moment.

LEELA: *Ahem*

Fry jumps and looks up sharply at Leela.

FRY: Oh. Hi.

LEELA: You okay? You seemed sort of... dazed.

FRY: Yeah, I'm fine.

LEELA: Who're the cards from?

FRY: (stuffing the cards under his pillow) Cards? What cards?

LEELA: (pointing at the pillow) Those cards.

FRY: Uh, nothing. Just Chri...(catches himself) X-Mas cards.

LEELA: Can I see them?


FRY: (awkward) I guess you could. They're just X-Mas cards.

He sheepishly hands them to Leela and watches cautiously as she glances over the cards in puzzlement.

LEELA: You sent _yourself_ X-Mas cards?

FRY: (quickly) I always forget important stuff, so I mail it to myself so I won't forget it. Like this one (takes a particularly bulgy envelope from her), I never would have remembered to bring it, so I mailed it.

LEELA: Who's it for?

FRY: You. I was going to wrap it, but then it wouldn't have fit in the envelope.

LEELA: What is it?

FRY: (hands it to her eagerly) Open it.

Leela carefully tears the envelope open and pours out the contents into her hand. She gasps at the necklace she's now holding; a small glass orb handing from a platinum chain, may seem simple enough, but inside the orb is a spiral of reds, oranges and violets that is constantly changing form (sort of like that mini-orb in Men In Black). She smiles at Fry and kisses him.

LEELA: It's beautiful! I love it!

FRY: Really? That's great! (Pause) I thought it would... you know, go with your dress.

LEELA: (trying it on) Which one? That crimson one I wore last week...

FRY: I meant your wedding dress.

LEELA: (Smiling) Yeah, it would go with it. (Pause) Only three more months.

FRY: I know...

She takes his hand and squeezes it nervously. He beams back and pulls her close to him.

FRY: I love you, Toronga.

LEELA: I love you too...

They kiss passionately; and so begins the big, steamy love scene. Which of course, will soon be interrupted by the big distraction...

INEZ: (OS) Where are they!?!?!

... and there it is.

Fry and Leela manage to untangle themselves just as a fuming Mr. and Mrs. LEO and INEZ WONG storm past their doorway, a frazzled Hermes following.


HERMES: I swear to Jah, I 'ave no idea where da two are!

LEO: You're in enough trouble as it is, Conrad, not informing us of this "party".

LEELA: Hey, lay off! It's not Hermes' responsibility to track your daughter's every move!

INEZ: You stay out of this, you lower-class, ignorant cyclops.

Inez starts rapping on Amy's door furiously.

INEZ: Amy Tiu Wong, march yourself out of that room right now!

There's no answer. Leo knocks on the door as well, but to no avail. Angry, he opens the door. Inez shrieks and faints, Leo just stares, gapping.

AMY: (OS) Uh, hi mom... dad...

KIF: (OS) Look, I can explain...

LEO: (fierce) Explain!?!? Yes, please do explain what you're doing with my daughter!

AMY: (coming out with Kif) It's no big deal, okay? We were still on first base.

LEO: It's not what base you were on, it's the fact that you were playing! (To Kif) _Especially_ after I forbade _you_ from seeing my Amy!

KIF: (nervous) I know you did... but I just couldn't...

LEO: Maybe you didn't hear me the first time clearly enough. You are to never come near my daughter again, do you hear?

KIF: (ill) I... but sir...

Leo glares him down, and for a second, Kif shrinks back. He looks at Amy, then seems to gather some courage.

KIF: I can't do that.

LEO: (eyes narrowing) You _what_?

KIF: (voice growing stronger) Sir, your daughter is the BEST thing that's ever happened to me. For the first time, I have a reason to enjoy life, and it's all because of her! I can't just ignore it, sir, I love her...

AMY: ...and I love him.

LEO: (flustered) Amy, you're coming home, now!

AMY: What? I'm not a little kid, you can't just storm in here and drag me back to the ranch because you don't like my boyfriend. Can't you just accept it and let us live our own lives?! LEO: Don't you _dare_ talk back to me, young lady...


The tension's filled the entire ship now. Fry and Leela are watching from afar nervously, and Hermes has already begin to edge towards the exit. Leo seems stunned beyond words.

LEO: Amy, I'm giving you one last change. Dump the little green man, right here, right now, and come home with your mother and me.

AMY: And if I don't?

LEO: Well, it's obvious to such a mature woman such as yourself, isn't it? You no longer need us to take care of you, and if you disobey our rules, we might as well disown you.

AMY: WHAT?! That's not fair! You can't make me choose my love over my family!

LEO: Watch me.

Amy stands torn between Kif and her father. She glances at him frantically, and he can merely shoot her a helpless look back.

KIF: Amy... no matter what you say, I'll still love you.

Amy nods, closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath.

AMY: (quiet) I'm sorry, daddy.

Her father goes thin-lipped, but says nothing. He quietly kneels down to revive Inez, who's still unconscious. She rises to her feet weakly and has to be led out of the ship with her husband's help.

INEZ: What happened? We're leaving? What about our daughter?

LEO: (not looking back) We have no daughter.

Amy's lip trembles and she runs back into her room. Kif follows her, leaving Fry, Leela and Hermes to stare at the retreating Wongs with awkward stares.



Fry, Leela, Bender, Farnsworth, Zoidberg, Hermes, Rosa, Chad, LaBarbara, Dwight, Cubert, Nibbler (in Leela's lap), Aaron (in a high chair next to Leela), Kilyna and Jitan are all gathered at the table, finishing dinner in silence.

LEELA: Poor Amy. I don't know what I would have done if _my_ parents had been like that.

BENDER: What do _you_ have to worry about? Your ma and pop are dead, eyeball. (Kily glances at her plate) Hell, your whole species is wiped out, so why worry?

A drumstick flies out of nowhere and bounces off of Bender's head.

BENDER: Ha! That the best you can do?

Leela had better; she throws her chair at him, which brings him down with ease.

FRY: (enthusiastic, grabbing his own chair) Chair fight!

FARNSWORTH: Now, now, no more furniture throwing... (Fry's chair hits him and sends him OS).

HERMES: Stop screwin' around, mon! Dis is serious. Without da Wongs' support, our regular customers will diminish by... (mumbles to self and counts on fingers) 0.26%!

KILYNA: That poor girl just had to choose between her family and her lover, and you're calculating next quarter's profit?!

HERMES: You 'andle catastrophes in your way, and I will in mine.

CHAD: (glancing out the window) Uh, hate to ruin the moment even more, but it's about to get worse.

Everyone looks towards the window and screams. Santa Bot is a few miles into town, already causing havoc.

HERMES: To the ship!

Everyone bolts for the hanger. Everyone except for one person...

CHAD: Well, we had a lovely evening, but I think it's time we got going...

ROSA: (grabbing her husband) Come ON!


Everyone( even Kif and Amy, the latter with her eyes res and looking miserable) has gathered onto the bridge. Most of them look relieved, save for Fry and Rosa. Throughout this scene, Santa's rampage can be heard from outside.

FRY: I'll never get used to this.

ROSA: Amen...


The two scream and hit the floor. Everyone else looks at them strangely.

FARNSWORTH: Well, the evening's been ruined, as par usual. I'm going to get some rest. Or die in my sleep, whichever may occur first. (Leaves)

BENDER: Pleasant dreams! Don't forget to leave out your will!

Suddenly, the destructive noises outside come to a halt. Everyone glances around worriedly in this newfound silence.


SANTA: (muffled, OS) Hello? Is anyone home?

HERMES: (whispering) Don' answer it...

SANTA: (muffled, OS; in complete sarcasm) Oh, what a pity. I guess I'll have to give this nice present to some other good little crustacean...

ZOIDBERG: Present? Bring it on, baby!

He scurries out of the ship and towards the door. Leela, Fry, Hermes and Bender all race after him.

ZOIDBERG: (opening the door) Gimmiegimmiegimmie!

From outside, a flame from an unseen source shoots through the door, barely missing Zoidy's head. It does, however, convert his Santa hat to singes. He glances at the ashes that now top his head and smiles.

ZOIDBERG: Ooh! A housewarming present from Santa! Get it? Housewarming? (He chuckles)...

Bender and Leela slam the door shut and triple-bolt it. Santa can be heard on the outside, banging fiercely on the door.

SANTA: (muffled, OS) Santa's stamping your naughty asses on his List for eternity!

Everyone ignores Santa as they focus on their bigger task. It takes all four humanoid (and robotic) figures to drag Zoidy back to the ship.

ZOIDBERG: (clinging to the PE ship doorframe) NO! I must get my present! (To Bender) Robut, you understand! Make them feel my pain!

BENDER: Cram it, lobster! (Smacks him and shoves him into the ship)

SANTA: (muffled, OS) Damn it! Very well... on Cloak! On Dagger! To the top of the roof of that nitroglycerin factory.

We hear Santa and his reindeer leave the property, and everyone inside relaxes. Until...


CUBERT: This is so moronic! If everyone's so worried about that stupid robot, then why don't we just destroy him?

DWIGHT: Shut up, mon.

KILYNA: (looking around) Wait... where's Aaron?

Everyone glances around as well. Aaron's disappeared for the moment.

LEELA: Oh my God!

BENDER: Calm down, eyeball. The meatball's probably snuck off the ship and fell into the basement or something. Or the oven... or the fireplace... or Zoidberg's closet of sharp knives...

ZOIDBERG: They're _pointy-cutty-thingies_. Get it right!

Leela's not listening; she, LaBarbara and Kily are already off the ship, searching for Aaron.

FRY: Maybe he's still on the ship.


BENDER: (running towards his room) AUGH! My counterfeit coin stash!

Bender disappears, curses a bit, and storms back on the bridge, looking pissed. Hanging by his shirt collar in one of Bender's hands is Aaron, who's clutching a large, flat, full-colored book. For some odd reason, there's a variety of coins sticking to him.

BENDER: Your stupid kid was touching my stuff! The paint on those coins was still drying, and now I gotta repaint 'em. Plus they've got cyclops germs on them now!

Leela enters and sighs in relief when she sees Bender. With no regard to his coins, she grabs Aaron in a tight bear hug.

LEELA: _There_ you are! What did mommy tell you about wandering away like that?

AARON: (proudly) Buh!

He shows the book to Leela, then waves it in Fry's direction.

FRY: You want me to read that? (Aaron nods as he takes the book) Okay... "The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Nightmare Before X-Mas"?

BENDER: Oh! Oh! Let me read it! That's my favorite X-Mas story!

FRY: (handing it to him) What's it about?

LEELA: It's a revised version of "The Night Before X-Mas".

Bender goes up towards the window and stands before his attentive audience.

BENDER: Gather 'round children, and I'll tell you a tale. A tale of torture and misery beyond comprehension. A story of wits, a story of love, a story of true, undying pain...

HERMES: Get to de point, tin mon!

BENDER: I'm getting, I'm getting! So allow me to present to you "The Nightmare Before X-Mas":


"T'was the night before X-Mas and though it's a shockNot a rodent was stirring, not even R. Murdoch

"The boards were nailed over the chimney with careIn hopes that old Santa would soon not be there

"The kiddies were nestled all snug in their bunksThinking of candy and other such junk

(Aaron nestles himself between Leela and Fry, leaning against is mom, eye drooping)

"And ma in her nightgown and I in my briefsHad just settled down for a troublesome sleep

(Amy curls up next to Kif, still looking depressed. He gives her a reassuring kiss on the forehead, and she smiles)

"When what to my wandering ears should be heardBut a miniature sleigh striking dead a poor bird..."



Dwight and Cubert scream and cling to one another. Everyone tries to get a glimpse of Santa's mayhem through the window, but it's sort of hard when you're stuck inside a space ship. Bender scowls.

BENDER: Damn Santa... anyway:

"With a large metal driver so evil and quickI knew in a moment it must be St. Nick

"I woke up the misses and gathered the kidsAnd goodnight to our warm quiet beds did we bid

"For Santa was here, and we did hope and prayThat the wicked old robot would rather not stay..."



"He spoke not a word, but went straight to his workAnd filled all the stockings with the bones of some jerk

(Nibbler and Rosa glance towards Jitan, who ignores them)

"And pressing the gas to the floor with his shoeAnd giving a sneer, through the window he flew

"Though I heard him exclaim, as he flew out of sight:'Merry X-Mas to all, and to all a good fright'

"I could not help by wonder how we had survivedThe terror of Santa that had just driven by

(Rosa snuggles next to Chad, half asleep)

"So remember as you put the young ones to bedAnd place on your pillow your exhausted head

(Fry drapes an arm around Leela's shoulders and pulls her closer to him)

"That X-Mas comes by only one year a nightAnd you should be thankful for those in your life."

(Kily glances over towards Leela and smiles to herself)

Bender scowls and throws the book to the floor.

BENDER: I forgot about the crappy ending! Where's all the bloodshed?



Aaron's asleep in his crib, while Fry and Leela are in their bed. Leela's lost amongst her dreams, her head resting on Fry's shoulder. Fry, however, is awake, staring at the ceiling, his face expressionless. He glances down at Leela, sighs, and turns to glance at two things on the bedside table next to him; one, a digital clock, that's flashing 4:26 AM, and two, a picture: the picture that he got from Anthony in BttP, to be exact. He stares at it for a few moments, suddenly dispirited, then reaches under his pillow...



Kif and Amy stumble into the kitchen, half asleep. Bender is already at the stove, getting a pot of boiling water ready as he whistles his favorite basketball theme.

AMY: (grumbling) At least _someone's_ happy today.

BENDER: What's not to be happy about? It's X-Mas morning, and all the survivors'll be so thrilled that they lived through the night, they won't mind me mugging them this afternoon. By the way, do you like eggs?

KIF: Not particularly...

BENDER: Good, 'cause that's all I'm making today. I need to get rid of this baby before it rots.

He then proceeds to pull out the little grey egg he stole from the Walion Museum and dump it into the pot. Kif stares at it for a few seconds, blinks, then screams bloody murder.


Leela stirs, awakened by the gray's screaming. She murmurs to herself as she feels for Fry. Too bad Fry's gone...

LEELA: Mmmm... Philip? (PAUSE) Phil?

She sits up and glances around, but Fry's nowhere to be found.

Of course, maybe that's because he's not at PE at all.


At the foot of a peculiar rock, someone stands an X-Mas card in the dirt, then slowly walks away.


(The camera ZOOMS OUT as the rest of this scene continues).

Printed neatly inside the card are several paragraphs of unintelligible text; some parts running from ink blots, others damp from water drops. The sender: Philip. The receiver: some guy named Yancy. As the camera continues to zoom out of the card, it's all too apparent that the stone isn't really a rock, but a crypt.


We get a clear shot of the cemetery now, and notice that there's quite a few graves with X-Mas cards on them. On the outskirts of the graveyard, Fry can barely be made out as he leans forward against the rusted fence, staring at what's left of the friends and family he was torn from.

FRY: (whispering) Merry Christmas.

That's part two for you. Just for reference, that VERY last scene was partially inspired by Astrozombie's Precious Memories. Part 3 will be up in... awhile.



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