DISCLAIMER: Futurama and all related characters and situations are creations of Matt Groening and David X. ohen. All characters and situations from Jurassic Park are creations of Michael Crichton, and are intended as fair use for the purpose of parody, as are all references to other copyrighted works. All references to actors from the Jurassic Park series are intended as fair use for the purpose of parody, and any other resemblance to actual people, living or dead, is coincidental.
THE MISPLACED WORLD
ACT ONE
OPENING TITLES. CAPTION: "AN ADVENTURE 65 MILLION MILLISECONDS IN THE MAKING!"
1 INT. PLANET EXPRESS BRIEFING ROOM - FULL SHOT
The entire crew is gathered around the table, with PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH at the head, and FRY, LEELA, MY, ZOIDBERG, BENDER, and HERMES seated in their usual places.
FARNSWORTH
Good news, everybody! You're going to a theme park!
FRY, AMY, ZOIDBERG, BENDER (TOGETHER)
All right! Whee! (etc.)
LEELA (SIMULTANEOUS WITH THE CHEERS)
What, back to the Moon?
FARNSWORTH
No, a different theme park.
BENDER
The kind with hookers, or the boring kind?
FARNSWORTH
The kind with dinosaurs.
BENDER
Dinosaur hookers?
LEELA
Bender, can't you think about anything else?
BENDER
Is there blackjack?
HERMES
(ignoring Bender completely)
It seems that a mad scientist...
CUT to FARNSWORTH looking up, surprised and trying to remember his involvement, then back to HERMES.
HERMES (CONT'D.)
... not anyone we know...
CUT to FARNSWORTH looking relieved, then to a FULL SHOT with the familiar HOLO-DISPLAY appearing in the center of the table.
HERMES (CONT'D)
... was able to reconstruct ancient Earth dinosaurs from scraps of their DNA...,
CUT to CLOSE-UP on HOLO-DISPLAY showing a scientist cracking an egg over a test tube.
HERMES (CONT'D)
... the relics in Earth's museums and universities...,
Maintain CLOSE-UP on HOLO-DISPLAY, now showing blasted ruins of the old New York Museum of Natural History, with scientists picking through the rubble and holding up old dinosaur bones, plus a full-preserved human skeleton wearing a nametag saying, "Hi! My name is Meg! I'll be your docent!"
HERMES (CONT'D)
... and information from documentaries.
Maintain CLOSE-UP on HOLO-DISPLAY, which nows CUTS quickly through a series of Discovery Channel/National Geographic-style documentaries from the 1950s to the present, plus a few brief shots of the old DINOSAURS sitcom, THE FLINTSTONES, a VANCOUVER RAPTORS game, etc. These clips should go by quickly enough that viewers could easily miss them, but should be visible to the perceptive types who will post about them the next day on the Internet.
Camera pulls back to a FULL SHOT.
LEELA
Why would anyone want to spend their vacation on a park on an island filled with extinct monsters from the Jurassic?
FARNSWORTH
(panicky)
Jurassic? Park? Island? Isla Nublar? Whaaaa? I don't remember anyone saying anything copyrighted!
HERMES
Dey've got all t'ree ages of dinosaurs, not just the one. An' it's on no island, mon, but a whole planet. Dey've built a theme park out of the planet (mumbles under his breath)
... pause for effect...
(back to normal voice)
Triassic 3!
LEELA
The legendary Misplaced World?
FRY
Misplaced World? How do you misplace a whole world?
FARNSWORTH
(mumbling)
Well, I seem to recall a rather good party earlier that weekend....
HERMES
Never ya mind, it's been found. And dey built a theme park there. But 'tisn't just a money-making scheme; it's also been a fruitful source of scientific research.
FARNSWORTH
Oh yes. Science has already discovered that dinosaurs were warm-blooded, and much smarter than we thought before.
LEELA
Isn't it possible that's just these new dinosaurs, and the original ones were cold-blooded and stupid?
FARNSWORTH
And much tastier than we expected.
FRY
I don't know, the bronco-burgers outside that ride at Universal weren't all that good.
HERMES
Anyway.... De park is nearly ready to open, but dey need deir merchandise delivered--toys, t-shirts, dorky-looking blernsball caps with deir logo, and so on.
BENDER
Yeah, everyone knows the real money's in the merchandise. And on a completely unrelated subject, looky what I got!
Close-up on BENDER as he opens his chest compartment and pulls out the original Bender doll, then back to FULL SHOT, as everyone leans in to take a look.
FRY, LEELA, AMY, ZOIDBERG, FARNSWORTH (TOGETHER)
Ooh! Aah! (etc.)
CUT to FARNSWORTH.
FARNSWORTH
Your mission, should you choose to accept it--and you don't have a choice--is to deliver this merchandise to Triassic 3 so the park can open. Now have fun, and don't get yourself eaten!
FULL SHOT showing everyone begin to stand up, then hesitating as:
FARNSWORTH
Oh, and for no particular reason, I've decided to send along these two adorable children.
The door in the background opens, and the children in question--JOE and ARI--enter. JOE is a 10-year-old boy who looks and acts pretty much like a typical 10-year-old boy from the present time. ARI is his 13-year-old sister, a precocious computer nerd who actually dresses the part; imagine if Professor Frink from the Simpsons had a daughter with Daphne from Scooby Doo.
AMY
Aww, they're so cute!
(beat)
Except for the girl. Guh!
QUICK CUT TO:
2 EXT. PLANET EXPRESS HEADQUARTERS
The usual take-off scene, where the ships blasts into space and flies around for a while, until we FADE TO:
3 EXT. SPACE, IN THE VICINITY OF TRIASSIC 3
The ship approaches a planet. Titles announce APPROACHING TRIASSIC 3.
The ship passes signs in English, AL1, and AL2, saying, respectively:
"APPROACHING TRIASSIC 3," "THOUSANDS OF BEAUTIFUL PREHISTORIC CREATURES, AND THREE UGLY ONES," and "HAVE FUN, AND DON'T GET YOURSELF EATEN."
CUT TO:
4 INT. PLANET EXPRESS DELIVERY SHIP BRIDGE - FULL SHOT
The crew is sitting around the bridge. LEELA sits in the command chair, with ARI hovering over her shoulder. FRY, BENDER, and JOE are in the background, playing with the model of the ship. AMY and ZOIDBERG are loitering off to the left, looking bored.
LEELA
OK, this should be a simple mission, so maybe we won't screw this one up. All we need to do is land at the space port and turn over the cargo to the workers. Once that's done, we can have some fun looking around and seeing the dinosaurs. Now let's just take her in.
ARI
Couldn't you just program the computer to land the ship for you? I mean, a computer this advanced, I'm sure it could handle it.
LEELA
Everybody knows that when you put an artificial intelligence in of a spaceship, it goes berzerk and starts shooting every other ship in sight.
FRY
Ooh, like the M5 in that episode of—
Everyone shoots looks of warning at Fry, waving their hands, making the "cut" signal, etc.
FRY
(lamely)
--that... um... TV show that... um... I can't remember.
Visible relief on everyone's faces.
LEELA
So, Bender, why don't you pilot us down and I'll go check the cargo hold. Ari, you want to come with me?
ARI
OK, sure!
LEELA heads through the door, with ARI following.
ARI (CONT'D)
But I was thinking, if you just put some cameras and servos in the cargo hold, you could program the computer to--
ARI's speech is cut off by the door closing behind them. Meanwhile, BENDER has taken the command seat and begins moving levers around, while AMY stands behind him. The camera ZOOMS to a TWO-SHOT.
BENDER
Whee! This is Captain Bender, please fasten your seat belts. The stewardess will be by to take your drink orders and deliver them to me.
BENDER begins pulling various fancy mixed drinks out of his chest compartment, drinking them, and handing the empty glasses to AMY, who shrugs and tosses each one over her shoulder (where we hear broken glass off screen).
CUT to a TWO-SHOT on FRY and JOE.
FRY
Man, Joe, your sister is annoying. How do you put up with her?
JOE
Well, I was really hoping those carnivorous worms would get her.
(Note: Ariana Richards, who played Alexis in the Jurassic Park trilogy, was also in Tremors 3.) But she keeps coming back.
FRY
Yeah, I know what you mean. My brother was a real pain too.
JOE
How'd you deal with him?
FRY
Oh, I got frozen for 1000 years and ended up in a future where nobody had ever heard of him.
BENDER
What are you talking about, meatbag? Don't you remember the whole thing with the clover and the statue?
FRY
Clover? Statue? What are you talking about?
CUT back to TWO-SHOT on AMY and BENDER. BENDER is continuing to pull out drinks, chug them, and hand the empty glasses to AMY with one hand, while he presses random buttons with the other. AMY continues to toss the glasses over her shoulder with the same broken glass effect, until the last one hits FRY, with a dull thud and an "oof" sound off-screen.
AMY
Come on, Bender, will you just land already? I wanna try out my new safari outfit!
CUT TO:
5 EXT. TRIASSIC 3 SPACE PORT - WIDE SHOT
The port is decorated in a style reminiscent of InGen/Jurassic Park from the movie, including an arch with the message, "WELCOME TO TRIASSIC 3" written in AL1, but with the font distorted to give it that faux trading-post look, like in the movie. Surly teamster types work in the background grunting while lifting heaving things and moving them around aimlessly. One of them is the familiar CONSTRUCTION WORKER GUY.
Bender pilots the ship to a smooth landing in an open area near the arch. CONSTRUCTION WORKER GUY heads toward the ship, and the hatch opens. LEELA and ARI exit the ship.
CONSTRUCTION WORKER GUY
So, whatcha gots fer us?
LEELA
We're delivering the merchandise for the park. Where do you want us to unload it?
CONSTRUCTION WORKER GUY
Just puts it right heres and we'll gets to it.
LEELA
(calling into the ship)
OK, everyone, bring it down!
FRY, BENDER, JOE, and AMY walk down empty-handed (AMY has changed into the kind of safari outfit that a rich Victorian explorer might wear in a bad adventure movie). ZOIDBERG follows, struggling with a large cart piled high with heavy-looking crates (all bearing the "Triassic ///" logo).
LEELA
Well, I guess that's about it.
CONSTRUCTION WORKER GUY
Youse might wants to check in with the main office, t'rough theres.
CONSTRUCTION WORKER GUY jerks a thumb at the arch, and the crew walk through it.
PAN AND ZOOM THROUGH THE ARCH TO:
6 EXT. TRIASSIC 3 ENTRY PLAZA - WIDE SHOT
The entry plaza contains a row of ticket counters similar to those at Disneyland, but a giant electric fence topped with barbed wire separates the inside of the park from the outside. A few owls are stuck to the fence, hideously burned, or tangled in the barbed wire.
The ticket counters are built into gaps in the fence. Built into a larger gap off to the side is a building, with a sign saying, "TRIASSIC /// MAIN OFFICES, SECURITY CENTER, and COMPLAINT DESK."
The crew walks over to the office building, and the camera CLOSES IN to a FULL SHOT of the crew as LEELA knocks on the door. The door opens to reveal RHODES, a kindly-looking older man.
RHODES
Yes? What can I do for you? We're not open to the public yet, but I'll be glad to get you some brochures.
LEELA
We came to deliver your merchandise.
RHODES
Oh, thank you greatly! Everyone knows all the money's in the merchandise! And until you arrived, all we had was these prototypes.
RHODES reaches behind him and shows off a cheesy-looking toy dinosaur, one of whose legs promptly falls off. He maintains a sheepish grin as everyone looks down at the fallen leg.
LEELA
We were told that we could see the park once we finished our delivery.
RHODES
Oh of course, of course. Come in, come in.
RHODES steps back inside and holds the door, as everyone enters, and we
CUT TO:
7 INT. TRIASSIC 3 MAIN OFFICE
PAN around the office, to show an impressive-looking space, that's obviously unfinished. In particular, one wall contains three heavy steel doors bearing warnings: "SECURITY AREA, NO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL" (with "OR ALIENNEL" underneath in AL1), but the entire left third of the wall is missing; wooden frameworks are in place, but there are huge gaps that allow us to see straight in.
Come to rest on a MEDIUM SHOT of RHODES and the crew and children in the center of the room.
RHODES
Excuse the mess; follow me, please.
Camera FOLLOWS as RHODES leads the crew and the children through a door.
However, ARI does not follow--don't dwell on this fact, just don't show her in the line of people filing through the door.
CUT TO:
8 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - FULL SHOT
This a typical conference room--a typical table, with a typical holo-projector, surrounded by typical chairs. RHODES sits at the head of the table, and everyone else takes up positions around it.
RHODES
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is John Parker Lewis Rhodes. I'm the owner and operator of this theme park. A few years ago, a team of scientists working for my company--
The holo-projector starts up with a spherical burst of static, which starts to resolve into something similar to the InGen logo, but never gets the chance to finish.
BENDER
We already know this part. Just show us the hookers. And if there's no hookers, just show us the casino. And if there's no casino, I guess we might as well see the dinosaurs. And if there's no dinosaurs....
The holo-projector cuts off.
RHODES
Well, we haven't finished our external security audit... but I guess there's no harm in giving you a tour of the park. As long as nobody's messed with the computer systems, everything should be perfectly safe.
FADE TO:
9 INT. SECURITY CENTER - MEDIUM SHOT
The camera shoots OVER ARI'S HEAD as she looks around in wonderment at a room full of state-of-the-art computer systems (which all seem to be running the Macintosh interface, just like in the movie). She sits in front of one of the computers, and we CUT to a ONE SHOT on ARI at the computer, as she begins hammering away on the keyboard. Her body blocks the computer monitor.
ARI
Let's see what they're doing for security here.
ARI continues hammering away at the keyboard.
ARI
Got it. Wait, this is strange. I'd better go tell everyone!
As ARI stands up, we zoom in for a CLOSE-UP on the computer screen, bearing the text, "ALL SECURITY SYSTEMS HAVE BEEN DISABLED AS PER REQUEST BY OPERATOR NERDLY."
The text holds for a few seconds, then changes to red, blinking letters, "WARNING: ANYONE WHO ENTERS THE PARK WILL BE EATEN BY DINOSAURS."
We HOLD THE SCREEN for a few seconds, then FADE OUT.
ACT TWO
10 EXT. TRIASSIC PARK - WIDE AERIAL SHOT
The view from above shows a number of separate pens, each enclosed by the same kind of intense barbed and electrified fence seen on the outside of the park (again with fried and entangled owls). Between the pens are a number of walkways with the kinds of signs, concession stands, etc. That are found in a typical zoo.
The camera PANS AROUND the park. As we pass over the pens, we see that each pen holds one dinosaur species. They show a variety of typical dinosaurs; one shows Barney.
The camera eventually SWOOPS DOWN to cover one of the dinosaur pens, which contains six velociraptors, then MOVES ACROSS THE PEN AND THROUGH THE GATE:
11 EXT. PATH BY VELOCIRAPTOR PEN - CLOSE-UP
The camera shows NERDLY, an obese computer nerd (with a name tag revealing the name "DENNIS NERDLY"), then PULL BACKS and FOLLOWS as he walks down one of the paths, past a signpost with signs reading "VELOCIRAPTORS 20 YARDS," "DIPLODICI 150 YARDS," and (in AL1) "THE C IS PRONOUNCED LIKE A K," "EVEN THOUGH THERE'S AN I," and "OH NEVER MIND" pointing the direction he's going; "CENTIPEDES 100 FEET," "MILLIPEDES 1000 FEET" in another, and "EXIT 60 YARDS" and "MAIN OFFICE 80 YARDS" pointing back in the opposite direction.
As NERDLY walks down the trail, he reaches the raptor pen. He stops and looks thoughtful, and the camera PULLS BACK as NERDLY pulls a penny from his pocket and tosses it at the fence. The penny bounces off the fence, not sparking, and lands inside the raptor pen.
NERDLY
Good, the electricity is off. Now to sneak into one of the pens and steal an egg so I can sell it to our competitors. Heh heh heh.
(beat)
Oops, I probably should have made sure the cameras and microphones were off before saying that out loud.
(beat)
In fact, I don't even know why I'm talking to myself. I'll just act nonchalant.
(begins humming nonchalantly)
NERDLY behinds walking off to wherever he's going, but the camera holds steady.
Meanwhile, in the background, one of the raptors has seen the penny. It sniffs at the penny, then at the fence. Cautiously, it touches one finger-tip to the fence. When it realizes it hasn't been fried, a smile crosses its face.
ZOOM on the raptor's face, HOLD for a few seconds, then CUT TO:
12 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - FULL SHOT
RHODES
So, everything should be perfectly safe.
LEELA
You just said that!
RHODES
Oh, so I did.
The door bursts open, and ARI comes running in.
ARI
Hey, guys!
BENDER
Shut up, brat! We're about to start the tour!
ARI
But--
ZOIDBERG
I believe the ro-but was talking. It's not polite to interrupt.
ARI
But--
JOE
You heard the metal man and the lobster thing, brat! Shut up!
ZOIDBERG
Yay! Somebody listens to Zoidberg!
RHODES
Well then, I can't see any reason why we shouldn't start the tour this very instant.
CUT TO:
13 EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - OVERHEAD SHOT
RHODES, followed by the crew and the children, exits the back door of the office building, into the main park
CUT to a FULL SHOT of everyone talking.
RHODES
So, what does everyone want to see first?
AMY
I wanna see cute baby dinosaurs!
LEELA
I've always been curious as to the difference between brachiosaurs and gigantosaurs.
ZOIDBERG
Where's the lobstersaurus?
JOE
Anything big and scary that could eat my sister!
BENDER
Let's see the hookersaurus!
FRY
I wanna see the monkeys!
RHODES
(snapping at FRY)
Monkeys are mammals, not dinosaurs, you imbecile!
FRY
Wow, you sound just like my great-nephew Hubert when you say that!
RHODES
I heard someone mention Tyrannosaurus Rex?
The crew looks at each other, shrugging their shoulders and shaking their heads.
RHODES
OK, it's unanimous. So, this way.
RHODES begins walking down one of the paths, and everyone follows him.
CUT TO:
13 EXT. VEGGIESAURUS PEN - WIDE SHOT
The camera shows a pen filled with cute little herbivorous dinosaurs of some kind, all walking around pecking at the ground like chickens.
NERDLY opens the gate to the pen and enters. A couple of the dinosaurs begin pecking at his boot, apparently not recognizing the difference between boot leather and ground full of yummy seeds and bugs.
NERDLY
Scat! Scram!
NERDLY begins kicking the dinosaurs, which back off with hurt looks and return to pecking safer parts of the ground.
The camera moves in to a MEDIUM SHOT and FOLLOWS NERDLY as he walks toward a nest toward the back of the pen, picks up an egg, and puts it in his vest pocket, grinning broadly.
The cute little dinosaurs begin squawking in outrage. They all charge him, and begin pecking his boots viciously--which has no more effect than when they pecked at him thinking he was part of the ground.
The camera continues to FOLLOW NERDLY as, ignoring the dinosaurs, he walks back out the gate, closing it behind him, and moves down the trail.
NERDLY
Now I'd better get back to the security office and turn all the electrified fences back on before anything bad happens. But first, I might as well use one of the outhouses; they're so much nicer than those cushy indoor plumbing jobs back at the office.
(beat)
And now I'm talking to myself again.
(beat)
Oh well, I'll be able to afford plenty of psychiatry after I sell my egg!
(begins humming nonchalantly again)
CUT TO:
14 EXT. TYRANNOSAURUS PEN - WIDE SHOT
A WIDE SHOT shows a fearsome Tyrannosaurus in his pen, glaring out at RHODES, the crew, and the children as they stand watching him.
FRY picks up a clod of dirt and throws it through the fence at the dinosaur, who roars in anger.
FRY
Nyah nyah! Nyah nyah! You can't eat me!
RHODES
That's right. This heavy-duty electrified fence ensures that the dinosaurs can't get out and eat our guests.
BENDER
Ooh! I love electrified fences!
LEELA
No jacking on, Bender!
But it's too late; BENDER has already grabbed the fence, a look of glee on his face turning to disappointment as the anticipated shock doesn't hit him.
BENDER
What a ripoff! I can't feel anything!
RHODES
That's odd.
ARI
That's what I was trying to tell you! Nerdly turned off all the security!
RHODES
Sweet zombie Jesus! We'd better get out of here!
RHODES, BENDER, AMY, LEELA, ZOIDBERG, JOE, ARI (TOGETHER)
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! (continues through end of scene)
FRY looks at everyone else uncomprehendingly for a second, then he figures it out and joins in.
FRY
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! (continues through end of scene)
RHODES begins running headlong down the path, with the crew and the children behind him. The camera stays fixed as they run off-screen. The Tyrannosaurus sniffs at the fence, and begins reaching one of its tiny fingers to touch it.
We linger on this ominous development, then FADE OUT.
ACT THREE
15 EXT. OUTHOUSE - TIGHT SHOT
We briefly hear NERDLY's nonchalant humming coming from inside, before we CUT AWAY:
16 EXT. TYRANNOSAURUS PEN - WIDE SHOT
The dinosaur pushes the gate open, walks out, looks around, and begins sniffing the air. FOLLOW the dinosaur as it begins running down the path, with loud stomping noises, until we see NERDLY's outhouse in the distance, with the dinosaur heading right toward it. CUT TO:
17 EXT. OUTHOUSE - TIGHT SHOT
NERDLY's humming can still be heard, but now overlaid with distant stomping noises, rapidly getting closer, until a gigantic reptilian foot crushes the outhouse (this should look like the scene from Godzilla, but the sound effect should be the shoe-splat sound from the end of the Monty Python's Flying Circus intro).
Camera PULLS BACK to reveal the Tyrannosaurus stopping, lifting its foot, looking at it, sniffing it, then scraping it against a large tree.
Finally satisfied with its hygiene, the dinosaur begins running back down the path. Follow in a WIDE SHOT as the dinosaur reaches the cage full of cute little dinosaurs.
18 EXT. VEGGIESAURUS PEN - FULL SHOT
The Tyrannosaurus kicks in the gate, and begins eating the cute little dinosaurs like popplers. We close in on the gruesome feast, linger for a while, then CUT TO:
19 EXT. TRIASSIC PARK PATH - WIDE TRACKING SHOT
RHODES, the crew, and the children are still running at top speed, still screaming. The camera PULLS IN and STOPS on ARI:
20 EXT. TRIASSIC PARK PATH - MEDIUM SHOT
ARI, who's third from the end, trips over something and falls. JOE and BENDER, following behind her, stumble over her. The screaming of the others continues, but recedes into the distance, and added to it is the incoherent (ad-lib) grumbling of JOE and BENDER.
The three pick themselves up.
JOE
Great, now I'm gonna get eaten because of my stupid sister.
ARI
Wait! Look around!
JOE
So? I don't see anything!
ARI
Exactly! The Tyrannosaurus isn't following us.
BENDER
You mean we're safe?
ARI
Yeah. For now.
BENDER
We're safe? And the security system is off?
ARI
Yes.
BENDER
Well then, Bender's gonna do a little looting. You two can take care of yourselves. (singing, to the tune of whatever song that is to which Nelson on the Simpsons sings "Gonna dig me a hole, gonna throw a nerd in it) Gonna get me an egg, gonna get me an egg. Gonna steal it and take it home, gonna steal it and take it home. Gonna sell it on E-Bay, gonna sell it on E-Bay. Gonna make lots of moolah, gonna make lots of moolah.
BENDER pulls a sack out of his chest compartment, begins whistling the tune he was singing, and starts walking off, but then looks back and sees the kids whimpering in fear.
BENDER
Oh, for Bender's sake, if you're gonna keep sniveling like that I guess you can come with me. (beat) But I get first pick on the eggs!
ARI and JOE hug BENDER, and he pushes them away. The camera HOLDS the shot as BENDER, ARI, and JOE begin walking down the path. As they approach the edge of the shot, we CUT BACK TO:
21 EXT. VEGGIESAURUS PEN - MEDIUM SHOT
The Tyrannosaurus has finished off the cute little dinosaurs, and is now putting the last of their eggs into his mouth. He sniffs around some more, trying to scent out some more food, and then we CUT TO:
22 EXT. PATH - LONG SHOT
A LOW FLOOR SHOT shows RHODES and the crew (minus BENDER) still running headlong (TOWARD CAMERA), still screaming. As they pass the camera, we PAN TO FOLLOW. Doppler their voices as they approach and recede.
The camera RAISES and FOLLOWS, SHAKING (HANDHELD EFFECT) as they run, until they reach the office.
At this point, FRY begins running around in circles, still screaming, but everyone else stops running, looks behind them, realizes there's nothing chasing them, and stops screaming.
LEELA slaps FRY.
LEELA
Get ahold of yourself, everything's fine.
FRY
Oh, good. I can't remember the last time I was so scared. Can you, Bender?
(beat)
Bender?!
AMY
Aiyah! We've lost Bender!
LEELA
And those adorable children!
AMY
Yeah, and that ugly girl, too!
CUT TO:
23 EXT. VEGGIESAURUS PEN - THREE-SHOT
The camera shows BENDER, whistling, just inside the gate of the cute little dinosaurs' pen, with JOE and ARI right behind him.
BENDER
Ooh! A nest! Probably full of valuable dinosaur eggs!
JOE
Eeep!
BENDER
Oh, don't worry, this pen is full of cute little dinosaurs who couldn't hurt a fly. They probably couldn't hurt a little meatbag like you either.
JOE
Eeep!
FOLLOW OVER BENDER'S SHOULDER as he walks over to the nest and finds it empty.
BENDER
Now who the hell got here ahead of me and stole my eggs?
BENDER looks up (the camera FOLLOWING HIS GAZE OVER HIS SHOULDER) and sees the Tyrannosaurus looming above him. HOLD BRIEFLY, then CUT TO A CLOSE-UP on BENDER.
BENDER
Is that what you were eeping about?
CUT to JOE.
JOE
Eeep!
(beat)
CUT TO FULL SHOT.
BENDER, JOE, ARI (TOGETHER)
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!
BENDER lifts the two kids in his arms, runs between the dinosaur's legs, tosses the kids over the fence (they scream, until we hear a soft "whoof" of a landing), and begins climbing the fence himself.
The Tyrannosaurus, puzzled, looks between its legs, then rights itself and looks at BENDER close-up, the camera tightening into a TWO-SHOT of BENDER and the dinosaur face-to-face, until we CUT TO:
24 INT. MAIN OFFICE - WIDE SHOT
RHODES stands at one of the heavy-duty doors to the security center, fiddling with the control panel, to no visible effect. AMY and FRY begin trying to open the other two doors--FRY by banging on the three-inch steel door with his fists, AMY by arguing to the security panel.
AMY
Come on, you stupid door! Aiyah! Open up!
(pauses, changes to a sweeter tone of voice)
Please! For me? Pretty please?
Meanwhile, LEELA walks around through one of the gaps in the wall. Sheepishly, RHODES follows her, and everyone else follows him. As FRY (the last one) leaves the room, we CUT TO:
25 INT. SECURITY CENTER - MEDIUM SHOT
RHODES walks over and sits at the same computer terminal ARI used earlier. Everyone else huddles around, reading over his shoulder.
RHODES
(like Jerry Seinfeld's "Neumann!")
Nerdly!
(back to normal voice)
This is all his fault! He's turned off all the electric fences!
FRY
Oh no! We're trapped in a theme park with all the security systems down and the main attractions are out to kill us! This is just like that movie--what was it called? Oh yeah, Westworld!
LEELA
Shut up, Fry; nobody wants to hear about movies from the late 20th century. So, RHODES, can't you just turn everything back on?
RHODES
No! He's overridden all the security protocols with his own back doors! I don't know how to bring the security system back online!
AMY
What if we re-boot the computer?
LEELA brings her leg back and kicks the monitor with her boot. There's a brief pause (where you'd expect someone to yell at her for being an idiot), then the Power Macintosh startup chord.
LEELA
Good thinking, Amy!
AMY
Thanks! See, there's no reason to feel bad. Sometimes your hideously-oversized feet are useful!
LEELA growls and brings her leg back to kick AMY, but before she can follow through we CUT TO:
26 EXT. VEGGIESAURUS PEN - CLOSE SHOT
The camera starts ZOOMED IN on the Tyrannosaurus's eye, then PULLS BACK to reveal its head even close than before to BENDER, sniffing at him as if to decide whether he's worth eating.
BENDER
Hey, dumbosaurus! Bite my shiny metal ass!
The dinosaur opens his mouth wide.
BENDER
No, wait! I didn't mean that!
(beat)
You don't wanna eat me. I'm not very tasty. Look!
CUT TO BENDER raising his left leg to display a "USDA Putrid" stamp (ala Bugs Bunny). PULL BACK to encompass BENDER's entire body and the dinosaur's head, and HOLD.
BENDER
Besides, I'm sure you get enough iron in your diet.
The Tyrannosaurus ignores BENDER's arguments and continues sniffing him.
BENDER
Man, your breath stinks!
(pause)
All right, if you come any closer, I'll—
(pause, as Bender tries to figure out what to threaten)
I'm boned.
The Tyrannosaurus's head leans back, then snaps forward to eat BENDER. Just as it's about to reach him, the fence turns back on. BENDER makes his usually jack-on noises. When the dinosaur's teeth touch him, PULL BACK to show the dinosaur being knocked back, reeling, by the shock. It staggers, then falls to the ground unconscious. Meanwhile, BENDER is now dangling by one foot, but he's pumping his fist in the air in triumph.
BENDER
See, told ya so! Nobody messes with Bender!
JOE, ARI
(off-screen)
Yay!
BENDER
(singing, to the tune of Camptown Races)
I kicked yer ass 'cause Bender is great, doo-dah, doo-dah.
Dinosaur came but I didn't get ate, oh de doo-dah day. Gonna sing all night, gonna sing all day.
As BENDER's pumping fist connects with the fence, he reconnects the circuit, and gets zapped all over again.
BENDER
Oh yeah, that's the good stuff!
BENDER climbs the rest of the way over the fence, pausing as each step reconnects the circuit and gives him a jolt. On the other side, he finds the kids in a tree and carries them down. The three of them start heading back down the path, as we FOLLOW in a MEDIUM SHOT.
ARI
It looks like the fences are back on, so the security system must be back up! We're safe!
JOE, BENDER (TOGETHER)
Yay!
BENDER
Wait--the security system is back up? So no looting?
ARI
Nuh-uh.
BENDER
Crap!
CUT TO:
27 INT. SECURITY CENTER
RHODES
Well, everything's back online. Let's go round up your friends; they should be safe outside.
LEELA
What if some of the other dinosaurs got out of their cages while the system was down?
RHODES
Oh, good point. We'd better stay here, then.
28 EXT. PATH - MEDIUM SHOT
BENDER walks down the path toward the exit, with JOE and ARI behind.
BENDER
... and that's how I saved the world from the Omicronians.
JOE
Yay! Tell us another story!
BENDER
Have I told you about the time when I saved the Titanic from crashing into a black hole?
JOE
But the Titanic did crash into a black hole! I saw it on the news!
BENDER
Oh. Well, at least I saved myself. And some jewelry. Although come to think of it....
ARI
Um, shouldn't we be trying to find the exit? We've been following you for hours, and all we seem to be doing is wandering around in circles.
BENDER
OK, if you're so smart, you find the exit! Better yet, find me a concession stand so I can get some more beer!
ARI
Can we find the exit first?
BENDER has pulled a beer out of his chest compartment and started drinking.
BENDER
OK, OK, I guess the beer isn't an emergency. So how do we get out of here, uglypants?
ARI
Well, if you'll just let me stop and look at the signs....
BENDER
Fine.
CUT TO:
29 INT. SECURITY CENTER - FULL SHOT
RHODES is still sitting at the computer station, but is now turned away from the monitor. Everyone else has taken seats at other stations around the room.
RHODES
Yeah, I guess it was pretty stupid to have no backup safety systems.
All I can say is, it's a good thing you guys came here for your tour before we opened to the paying, and suing, public. We've learned our lesson, and nobody got hurt.
FRY
Nobody got hurt? What about Bender?
RHODES
Look, I told you, according to the computer, the only cage that was broken is the Tyrannosaurus cage. So the other dinosaurs must all be in their cages, and your friends must be safe.
CUT TO:
30 EXT. VELOCIRAPTOR CAGE - FULL SHOT
The cage is empty. The camera ZOOMS IN on the gate, which has been left slightly ajar, with a piece of wire maintaining the electrical current. Ominous music begins as we CUT TO:
31 EXT. PATH - MEDIUM SHOT
The ominous music continues as ARI scans the signs. The camera ZOOMS IN on a tight shot on her, as she points to the right.
ARI
That way to the exit.
The music swells as the shadow of a clawed arm becomes readily visible across ARI, but nobody seems to notice. HOLD a few seconds then FADE OUT.
ACT FOUR
32 INT. SECURITY CENTER - FULL SHOT
Everyone is still sitting at computer stations, looking relaxed.
RHODES stands.
RHODES
Why don't we go to the conference room to wait for your friends? We've got food in there.
ZOIDBERG
Food? Why didn't you say so!
Everyone gets up to follow RHODES as he heads for the center door, ZOIDBERG first in line. Now that the system is back on, RHODES is able to open the door easily. As soon as he does, a Velociraptor grabs him, pulls him through, and slams the door behind him. This should happen very quickly, leaving everyone else momentarily stunned.
The camera TIGHTENS on the crew by the door. FRY immediately begins pounding on it, and AMY begins pleading with it, as before.
AMY
(sultry)
Hey, door.
LEELA
Oh for Pete's sake!
PULL BACK to show LEELA running around the gap in the wall again, everyone else following. As they disappear around the corner, CUT TO:
33 INT. MAIN OFFICE - FULL SHOT
As LEELA runs into the room, followed by AMY, FRY, and ZOIDBERG, they (and we) see five velociraptors toying with RHODES like cats with a mouse, batting him around the floor as he screams for help.
FRY
Leela, blast him with your wrist laser thingy.
LEELA
That's not me, that's Space Ghost, you idiot.
FRY
Well then, do some karate or something.
LEELA
Hiiiii-yah!
The camera follows LEELA in a TIGHT SHOT as she goes flying through the air, dispatching one of the raptors with a flying side-kick boot to the head.
Cut to ZOIDBERG.
ZOIDBERG
Zoidy to the rescue!
The CAMERA FOLLOWS ZOIDBERG as he charges another raptor, clacking his claws, and snips its arm from behind--to no visible effect. He stops, releases the raptor's arm, and spreads his arms wide. The camera pulls back to a TWO SHOT as the raptor turns around.
ZOIDBERG
So, pal, how are things with you?
The raptor snarls, and the camera PULLS BACK to a MEDIUM SHOT encompassing ZOIDBERG, LEELA, the unconscious raptor, the four remaining raptors, and RHODES, lying on the ground. The three other raptors turn
to face ZOIDBERG, baring their fangs.
LEELA
Boot to the head!
LEELA kicks another raptor from behind, hitting it hard, but not knocking it out. It turns to face her, as does another. She enters hand-to-claw combat with the two raptors. Meanwhile, ZOIDBERG backs away from his two raptors, while they slowly advance on him. Cut back and forth between LEELA's melee and ZOIDBERG's retreat.
AMY
(off-screen)
Hey, Leela!
LEELA
Kinda busy here, Amy!
AMY
(still off-screen)
I was just wondering if these heavy-duty stun guns would help.
LEELA
Instead of asking me, why don't you try them?
The camera PULLS BACK, as AMY and FRY let loose with a huge burst of beams, stumbling all over from the recoil and firing wildly around the room, which begins to disappear under a growing cloud of smoke.
34 INT. MAIN OFFICE - FULL SHOT
When the smoke clears, AMY and FRY stand triumphant over the unconscious bodies of five raptors, plus those of LEELA and ZOIDBERG. RHODES leans against the wall nearest AMY, a bit dazed but conscious. LEELA is somewhat battered and bruised from her fight; ZOIDBERG is unharmed, and snoring peacefully.
RHODES
Great job!
FRY and AMY drop the guns and hi-five each other.
FRY, AMY (TOGETHER)
Woo-hoo!
FRY
My time in the army certainly paid off!
AMY
And I thought all you learned how to do was give a swift kick to the balls!
Suddenly, the sixth raptor drops from the ceiling onto AMY's back, knocking her to her knees.
AMY
Guh!
RHODES picks up the nearest stun-gun and blasts the raptor, which falls onto the ground, tearing through the back of AMY's jacket and shirt, and leaving a tiny scratch on her back.
RHODES
One, two, three, four, five, six. Well, that's all the raptors in the park. And no other prehistoric creatures are smart enough to get out of their pens without tripping the alarms.
QUICKLY CUT TO Sleestaks (from Land of the Lost) skulking around outside, then just as quickly CUT BACK.
RHODES (CONT'D)
So unless the dinosaurs could somehow fly over the fence (chuckles at the incredulity of the idea), your friends are definitely safe now.
AMY and FRY start to hi-five each other again, but before their hands reach we QUICKLY CUT TO:
35 EXT. PATH - OVERHEAD SHOT
Two Pterodactyls swoop down to pick up JOE and ARI, who scream as they're
carried off into the distance.
The camera WIDENS for a short moment, but the pterodactyls soon pass the edge of the camera, and the screams recede into silence. HOLD for one second, then begin peaceful cricket-chirping type sounds and ZOOM to a MEDIUM SHOT around BENDER.
BENDER looks around, then shrugs and begins walking down the path ARI had earlier pointed out, and we CUT BACK TO:
36 INT. MAIN OFFICE - FULL SHOT
The six raptors all lie slumped in a pile in the middle of the room. LEELA and ZOIDBERG stand guard with stun-guns, blasting one of the raptors whenever they try to move. AMY and RHODES sit casually, while FRY paces back and forth.
FRY
I don't like this. Bender should be here by now.
As he says this, CUT TO THE DOOR, which opens, and BENDER walks in.
PULL BACK to a FULL SHOT.
BENDER
Well, thanks for rescuing me everyone.
FRY
Thank God you're alive!
FRY runs over to hug BENDER, who side-steps, leaving FRY embarassedly clutching at thin air.
AMY
Where are the kids?
BENDER
I thought they were with you? Oh well, I'm sure they'll turn up.
FADE TO:
37 INT. ZOIDBERG'S OFFICE - MEDIUM SHOT
As Amy lies face-down on the operating table, Zoidberg stands over her, spraying a bandage over her cut.
ZOIDBERG
There, now everybody's good as new!
The camera pulls back to show LEELA, still bloody and bruised.
LEELA
What about me?
ZOIDBERG
You seem to have all of your parts.
LEELA
But I'm black and blue from head to toe!
ZOIDBERG
What, I'm a racist?
CUT TO:
38 INT. PLANET EXPRESS LOUNGE
A FULL SHOT shows FRY and BENDER sitting on the couch, with FARNSWORTH and HERMES standing in front of them.
FRY
You know, I can't help thinking that we forgot something.
HERMES
(agitated)
Yes, mon, you forgot ta pick up de payment, ya daft imbeciles!
FRY
(distracted)
Nooooo--I think there was something else.
HERMES
Somet'ing else? Isn't dat enough? And since de t'eme park is ruined, dere's no way we'll get anyt'ing out of dem now!
FARNSWORTH
Oh my, didn't you hear, Hermes? Their check already cleared! Apparently, they're made a fortune selling off the dinosaurs as pets.
FRY
Pets?! Who would want to buy those dangerous monsters as pets?
FADE TO:
39 EXT. PTERODACTYL PEN - AERIAL SHOT
As two adult Pterodactyls and a few young fly around within their pen (which now has fencing above, as well as on all sides), the camera SWOOPS AND ZOOMS to cover a nest in a tree. Inside the nest is a recently-hatched baby pterodactly, playing with two human children—JOE and ARI, battered and dazed from what looks like a long period of mistreatment--as if they were toys.
CUT TO:
40 EXT. OUTSIDE PTERODACTYLE PEN - MEDIUM SHOT
RHODES is standing with MORBO and MORBO's WIFE and DAUGHTER (a cute little monster, about the equivalent of a seven-year-old human child). MORBO'S DAUGHTER is pointing at something inside the pen.
The camera PULLS BACK enough to reveal that she's pointing at the baby pterodactyl in its nest.
MORBO'S DAUGHTER
I want that one! He's cute!
RHODES
Well, that one is too young to be separated from its parents.
MORBO'S DAUGHTER
I will destroy you, puny human!
RHODES
OK, that one it is.
MORBO'S MOTHER
Do those little toy human children come with the pterodactyl?
RHODES looks at MORBO'S DAUGHTER, who still has a fearsome look on her face.
RHODES
Err... Yeah, sure.
FADE OUT.
