Episode Sounds: 2ACV04 - Xmas Story
- Fry: "Oh boy, it's santa!"
Santa: "Ho, ho, ho!"
- Leela: "Hi there."
Fry: "Leela! Oh my God, you saved my life! I am gonna get you so many lizards!"
- Leela: "It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself."
Hermes: "I hear that! I ax him to set the table, instead he goes out to buy you a present! Selfish dog."
- Fry: "Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's gonna love you."
Fry: "Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you?"
Fry: "Shut the hell up! Ow!"
- Fry: "I'll take the five hundred lizards! No...wait...yes. No! Yes! Yes! Yes! The parrot!"
- Fry: "Although I could get five hundred lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right?"
Man: "Sir, the store is closing in two minutes."
- Fry: "I said I want the best one! Now which costs more, the parrot or the stinklizards?"
Man: "The lizards are a buck each, the parrot is $500."
Fry: "That's a hell of a good parrot!"
- Fry: "Just give me your best animal"
Man: "Best? Well that's a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail."
Fry: "That's a stupid animal! You're stupid!"
- Bender: "Oh, yeah! You filthy hobos sure know how to live. Hey chief, someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap."
Bender: (gulp) "Ah!"
- Fry: "There's this girl who I really like, but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me?"
Man: "Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court. Though there's a line this time of year."
- Hermes: "Just be back by sundown, mon."
Fry: "We'll see. I like to haggle."
Amy: "You can't stay out on X-Mas eve, you'll be killed!"
Fry: "Say what?"
Professor: "Good lord! he doesn't know about Santa Claus."
Fry: "I know about Santa Claus."
- Bender: "Yeah, yeah, amen. Listen, I'm one of those lazy homeless bums I've been hearing about. Could you point me to the free booze?"
- Amy: "Where ya going, Bender?"
Bender: "To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots."
Hermes: "Yeah, right! As if you ever did anything charitable."
Bender: "I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood?"
Fry: "Whose blood?"
Bender: "Some guy's."
- Newscaster: "The holiday season is a time of celebration for most, but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate."
Morbo: "Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering! Mwahahah!"
- Bender: "X-Mas Eve, another pointless day where I accomplish nothing."
- Fry: "I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself!"
Amy: "I'll do it for you."
Fry: "Ow! Thanks."
- Fry: "My God, poor Leela."
Bender: "Hey, buddy! Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh." (Fry cries) "Aw man, I gotta work on my act."
- Fry: "Yoiks, what was that about?"
Amy: "F'luh, she's an orphan."
Professor: "Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe."
- Zoidberg: "Huh, what's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb! Heh heh heh. Instead of 'Claus' he writes 'Claws'. Now that's humorous! Today's comedians could learn from this card."
- Fry: "There's supposed to be some kind of, you know, pine tree."
Professor: "Pine trees have been extinct for eight hundred years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty."
- Fry: "You know, this'll be my first X-Mas away from home."
Leela-: "Hey hey, let me ax you something. Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an X-Mas tree?"
- Bender: "Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac."
- Zoidberg: "You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see."
Hermes: "Listen, ya filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of Jamaican bobsledders."
Fry: "Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages."
Hermes: "A true inspiration for the children."
- Bender: "Lick my frozen metal ass."
- Fry: "Look out! We're heading straight for those trees!"
Leela: "Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down!"
Robotic voice: "Trees down."
: "Cool. Hey, what do you do if you want the trees up?"
Robotic voice: "Trees up."
Fry: "Trees down."
Robotic voice: "Trees down."
- Hermes: "Dammit, we're stuck!"
Zoidberg: "At least you're not cold blooded. Brrr!"
- Fry: "This snow is beautiful! I'm glad global warming never happened."
Leela: "Actually, it did. But thank God nuclear winter canceled it out."
- Professor: "Come on, everyone. Perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien."
Leela: "Great idea!"
Zoidberg: "We can only hope!"
- Bender: "Comedy's a dead art form. Now tragedy...heh heh heh, that's funny."
- Conan: "Just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning..."
Bender: "I doubt it!"
Conan: "Listen, pal. I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012, but I've still got something you'll never have. A soul!"
Conan: "And freckles!" (Bender cries)
- Conan O'Brien: "People are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh?"
Bender: "No, they fixed that nine hundred years ago!"
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