Episode Sounds: 2ACV03 - A Head in the Polls
Leela: "Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world."
Fry: "What do we care? We live in the United States."
Leela: "The United States is part of the world."
Fry: "Wow, I have been gone a long time."
John Jackson: "It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say: I'm against those things that everybody hates."
Jack Johnson: "Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said."
John Jackson: "I say your three cent titanium tax goes too far."
Jack Johnson: "And I say your three cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough."
Farnsworth: "So what are you doing to protect my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices?"
NRA Guy: "Well, first off, we're gonna get rid of that three day waiting period for mad scientists."
Farnsworth: "Damn straight! Today the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device, tomorrow it's the mad grad student! Where will it end?!"
NRA Guy: "Amen, brother. I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax. For duck huntin'."
Fry: "Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up!"
Apathy Party Guy: "Sorry, not with that attitude."
Fry: "Ok, then screw it."
Apathy Party Guy: "Welcome aboard, brother!"
Apathy Party Guy: "You're out."
Bender: "Game's over, losers. I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves."
Bender: "Hello, peasants."
Leela: "Bender, what happened to you?"
Fry: "Yeah, you look different. Did you get a haircut?"
Bender: "No. I sold my body!"
Farnsworth: "Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants."
Bender: "Ahh! US presidents. Sturdy shelves, good security, this place has class."
Bill Clinton: (to Leela) "Hey, sugar cookie. You know, legally, nothing I can do counts as sex anymore."
Fry: "Hey, I remember you. I was gonna vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool. So I stayed home alone and got trashed on listerine."
Gerald Ford: "Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process."
Richard Nixon: "No kidding, Ford."
Jimmy Carter: "Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers."
Bob Dole: "Bob Dole needs company. LaRouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes."
Washington: "So tell us Bender. What did happen to your body?"
Bender: "I hocked it."
Washington: "Hocked it?! Why wouldst thou do that?"
Bender: "Same reason you hocked your teeth."
Washington: "Ahh. Booze money."
Nixon: "I remember my body. Flabby, pasty skin, riddled with phlebitis - a good republican body. God, I loved it."
Fry: "I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Of course, it was tough love but - Ow!"
Leela: "Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding dong."
Bender: "Aww, what am I gonna do?" *cries*
Fry: "Aww, I can't stand to see a robot cry. Let's watch TV."
Leela: "Nixon must've bought your body from the pawn shop."
Fry: "Yeah, and that electric guitar."
Nixon: *sings* "Remeber what the doormouse said: Feed your head. I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies!"
Morbo: "Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one. Puny human number two. And Morbo's good friend Richard Nixon."
Nixon: "Hello, Morbo. How's the family?"
Morbo: "Belligerent and numerous."
Nixon: "Good man."
Fry: "Please, Mr. Nixon. We're appealing to your sense of decency."
Nixon: "Seriously though. I'm never giving back this body. Now beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses."
Nixon: "Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter, and let's face it, crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place! Muhuhahahaha!"
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