Episode Sounds: 1ACV08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
- Professor: "Good news, everyone! Tomorrow you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet."
Hermes: "Why can't they go today?"
Professor: "Because tonight's a special night, and I want all of you to be alive."
- Bender: "Sounds boring!"
Professor: "Oh my, yes."
- Professor: "Behold, the death clock! Simply jam your finger in the hole and this readout tells you exactly how long you have left to live."
Leela: "Does it really work?"
Professor: "Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds, what with free will and all."
- Fry: "How long do I have to live?"
Bender: "Ooh! Dibs on the cd player."
- Wernstrom: "Face it, Farnsworth, you're over the hill. It's time to leave science to the hundred-twenty-year-olds."
Farnsworth: "You young turks think you know everything! I was inventing things when you were barely turning senile."
Wernstrom: "Haha! Go home before you embarrass yourself, old man! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap before the ceremonies."
- Bender: "I've been perusing your fortified wine list, and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight, the '57 Chateau Portey, and the '66 Thunder(??)."
Waiter: "Exquisite choices, sir."
Bender: "And...mix them all together in a big jug."
- Fry: "Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your Death Clock."
Wernstrom: "And what will you be presenting this evening, grandpa?"
Professor: "Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place!"
Wernstrom: "I just hope it's not as lame as that Death Clock you presented last year."
Professor: "Eh...last year, you say?"
Wernstrom: "That's right."
Professor: "Oh my! Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place?"
Wernstrom: "Hardly! We laughed until our teeth fell out."
- Wernstrom: "I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable - an A minus MINUS!" *laughter from the crowd*
- Fry: "There were plenty of times in my century when I was gonna give up, but I never did. Never! Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up."
- Professor: "I'm going to build that smelloscope!" *later* "Eureka!"
Fry: "Did you build the smelloscope?"
Professor: "No, I remembered that I built one last year."
- Fry: "Hey, as long as you don't make me smell Uranus." *laughs*
Leela: "I don't get it."
Professor: "I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all."
Fry: "Oh. What's it called now?"
Professor: "Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you."
Fry: "Hehe, no, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here."
- Voice: "The repulsive barge circled the oceans for fifty years, but no country would accept it. Not even that really filthy one...you know the one I mean."
- Fry: "Wow, you got that off the internet? In my day the internet was only used to download pornography."
Professor: "Actually, that's still true."
Woman: "Now that the garbage is in space, Doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions."
Man: "With gusto."
- Fry: "Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat, and the cotton gin."
Leela: "Those things are all from the 19th century."
Fry: "Yeah, well, they probably just copied us."
- Mayor: "Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious."
Professor: "Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer."
Mayor: "I gotta make sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke."
- Woman: "Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune."
Man's voice: "Giant garbage ball...passed close by...horrible stench!" *retching sounds*
Woman: "The transmission cuts of there, sir." *more retching* "No, I guess it keeps going...there we go."
- Wernstrom: "Uh, in theory, perhaps. But you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous."
Bender: "Aw, crap!"
- Professor: "Once you activate it, you'll have 25 minutes to get away."
Leela: "That's all? But..."
Professor: "Now, now! There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return."
- Leela: "We're breaking up! Turn on the anti-smell device!"
Fry: "Hm! Sporty."
- Fry: *gasp* "Some Bart Simpson dolls!"
Bart Doll: "Eat my shorts!"
Bender: "Ok! Mmm...shorts."
- Leela: "Get ready to run, we've got twenty-five minutes. Uh...fifteen minutes. Five minutes. Six H minutes?"
Bender: "Hmm...there's the problem! The professor put the counter on upside down."
Leela: "That idiot! It wasn't set for twenty-five minutes, it was set for fifty-two seconds!"
Fry: "Aaaaah! We're gonna die! Right?"
- Female Newscaster: "This is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget!" *chuckles*
Morbo: "Hehehe. Kittens give Morbo gas."
- Professor: "This is all my fault."
Fry: "No, it's my fault too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can."
- Mayor: "Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city?"
Wernstrom: "Of course, but it'll cost you. First I'll need tenure."
Wernstrom: "And a big research grant."
Mayor: "You got it!"
Wernstrom: "Also, access to a lab and five graduate students...at least three of them Chinese."
Mayor: "Did...all right, done. What's your plan?"
Wernstrom: "What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers!"
Leela: "That rat! Do something!"
Mayor: "I wish I could, but he's got tenure."
- Mayor: "But garbage isn't something you just find lying in the streets of Manhattan!"
- Fry: "Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice."
Mayor: "Get that robot some more beer!"
- Mayor: "All right, places, everyone! Prepare for launch!"
Leela: "Just fire the damn thing!"
- Mayor: "And so, on behalf of the entire city, I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize, which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass." *applause*
Professor: "Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!"
Wernstrom: "I'll get you, Farnsworth. Even if it takes another hundred years."
- Fry: "There were plenty of times in my century when I was gonna give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up."
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