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Episode Sounds: 1ACV08 - A Big Piece of Garbage

  1. Professor: "Good news, everyone! Tomorrow you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet."
    Hermes: "Why can't they go today?"
    Professor: "Because tonight's a special night, and I want all of you to be alive."
    (download 37kb)
  2. Bender: "Sounds boring!"
    Professor: "Oh my, yes."
    (download 8kb)
  3. Professor: "Behold, the death clock! Simply jam your finger in the hole and this readout tells you exactly how long you have left to live."
    Leela: "Does it really work?"
    Professor: "Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds, what with free will and all."
    (download 44kb)
  4. Fry: "How long do I have to live?"
    Bender: "Ooh! Dibs on the cd player."
    (download 19kb)
  5. Wernstrom: "Face it, Farnsworth, you're over the hill. It's time to leave science to the hundred-twenty-year-olds."
    Farnsworth: "You young turks think you know everything! I was inventing things when you were barely turning senile."
    Wernstrom: "Haha! Go home before you embarrass yourself, old man! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap before the ceremonies."
    (download 58kb)
  6. Bender: "I've been perusing your fortified wine list, and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight, the '57 Chateau Portey, and the '66 Thunder(??)."
    Waiter: "Exquisite choices, sir."
    Bender: "And...mix them all together in a big jug."
    (download 58kb)
  7. Fry: "Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your Death Clock."
    Wernstrom: "And what will you be presenting this evening, grandpa?"
    Professor: "Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place!"
    Wernstrom: "I just hope it's not as lame as that Death Clock you presented last year."
    Professor: "Eh...last year, you say?"
    Wernstrom: "That's right."
    Professor: "Oh my! Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place?"
    Wernstrom: "Hardly! We laughed until our teeth fell out."
    (download 73kb)
  8. Wernstrom: "I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable - an A minus MINUS!" *laughter from the crowd*
    (download 43kb)
  9. Fry: "There were plenty of times in my century when I was gonna give up, but I never did. Never! Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up."
    (download 26kb)
  10. Professor: "I'm going to build that smelloscope!" *later* "Eureka!"
    Fry: "Did you build the smelloscope?"
    Professor: "No, I remembered that I built one last year."
    (download 38kb)
  11. Fry: "Hey, as long as you don't make me smell Uranus." *laughs*
    Leela: "I don't get it."
    Professor: "I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all."
    Fry: "Oh. What's it called now?"
    Professor: "Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you."
    Fry: "Hehe, no, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here."
    (download 63kb)
  12. Voice: "The repulsive barge circled the oceans for fifty years, but no country would accept it. Not even that really filthy know the one I mean."
    (download 31kb)
  13. Fry: "Wow, you got that off the internet? In my day the internet was only used to download pornography."
    Professor: "Actually, that's still true."
    Woman: "Now that the garbage is in space, Doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions."
    Man: "With gusto."
    Fry: "Aww..."
    (download 63kb)
  14. Fry: "Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat, and the cotton gin."
    Leela: "Those things are all from the 19th century."
    Fry: "Yeah, well, they probably just copied us."
    (download 36kb)
  15. Mayor: "Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious."
    Professor: "Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer."
    Mayor: "I gotta make sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke."
    (download 33kb)
  16. Woman: "Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune."
    Man's voice: "Giant garbage ball...passed close by...horrible stench!" *retching sounds*
    Woman: "The transmission cuts of there, sir." *more retching* "No, I guess it keeps going...there we go."
    (download 87kb)
  17. Wernstrom: "Uh, in theory, perhaps. But you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous."
    Bender: "Aw, crap!"
    (download 28kb)
  18. Professor: "Once you activate it, you'll have 25 minutes to get away."
    Leela: "That's all? But..."
    Professor: "Now, now! There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return."
    (download 29kb)
  19. Leela: "We're breaking up! Turn on the anti-smell device!"
    Fry: "Hm! Sporty."
    (download 26kb)
  20. Fry: *gasp* "Some Bart Simpson dolls!"
    Bart Doll: "Eat my shorts!"
    Bender: "Ok! Mmm...shorts."
    (download 31kb)
  21. Leela: "Get ready to run, we've got twenty-five minutes. Uh...fifteen minutes. Five minutes. Six H minutes?"
    Bender: "Hmm...there's the problem! The professor put the counter on upside down."
    Leela: "That idiot! It wasn't set for twenty-five minutes, it was set for fifty-two seconds!"
    Fry: "Aaaaah! We're gonna die! Right?"
    Bender: "Right."
    Fry: "Aaaaah!"
    (download 83kb)
  22. Female Newscaster: "This is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget!" *chuckles*
    Morbo: "Hehehe. Kittens give Morbo gas."
    (download 24kb)
  23. Professor: "This is all my fault."
    Fry: "No, it's my fault too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can."
    Mayor: "Uugh!"
    (download 39kb)
  24. Mayor: "Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city?"
    Wernstrom: "Of course, but it'll cost you. First I'll need tenure."
    Mayor: "Done."
    Wernstrom: "And a big research grant."
    Mayor: "You got it!"
    Wernstrom: "Also, access to a lab and five graduate least three of them Chinese."
    Mayor: "Did...all right, done. What's your plan?"
    Wernstrom: "What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers!"
    Leela: "That rat! Do something!"
    Mayor: "I wish I could, but he's got tenure."
    (download 79kb)
  25. Mayor: "But garbage isn't something you just find lying in the streets of Manhattan!"
    (download 10kb)
  26. Fry: "Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice."
    Mayor: "Get that robot some more beer!"
    Bender: "Hmm?"
    (download 22kb)
  27. Mayor: "All right, places, everyone! Prepare for launch!"
    Professor: "Five...four...three...two...three...four...five...six..."
    Leela: "Just fire the damn thing!"
    Fry: "Oops."
    (download 52kb)
  28. Mayor: "And so, on behalf of the entire city, I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize, which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass." *applause*
    Professor: "Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!"
    Wernstrom: "I'll get you, Farnsworth. Even if it takes another hundred years."
    (download 61kb)
  29. Fry: "There were plenty of times in my century when I was gonna give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up."
    (download 26kb)

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